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Broke up with boyfriend due to religion


Limegreen22
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My boyfriend and I recently broke up. We had been together for less than a year. We were both really good together, we got along, supported and loved each other and we were best friends. We got into our relationship slowly after developing a friendship. A few months in the relationship he told me that due to our religious differences we might not be able to continue our relationship. He is Sikh and I am Hindu. He is his parents only child, and they want him to marry someone who follows the same religion. I explained I have nothing against following both faiths. I believe religion is a personal choice and I respect all religions. He had a discussion with his parents, and after some back and forth between yes and no they ultimately decided that our families and religions would not be compatible. So he broke up with me. He said he loves me and I'm the first girl he has told his parents about and he saw a future with me. At the same time he tells me his parents come first.

 

I feel disrespected and undervalued just based on my religion. I know in the long run I may have dodged a really difficult family life. But I'm sad and disappointed in him. I have an urge to fight for it and I want to fix it because it takes me a while to develop relationships with someone and fall in love. I feel heartbroken and upset that I had to deal with this situation and that he left me just on the word of his parents.

 

We both felt like we didn't have control in the situation. I think he finds solace in distracting himself and looking towards his parents as an indicator that he did this for their happiness. I am finding it difficult to overcome the urge to fight for it. I even asked him to be friends and he said no because he can't see me with someone else. I on the other hand would like to have him in my life and would eventually be okay with him seeing other people if we have to accept the situation for what it is.

 

I feel like I had no control and I feel a little lost and sad and disappointed in someone I thought I knew and loved.

 

I guess I'm just sad and lost right now so any input or advice would be nice.

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From the outside looking in, I'm going to guess he's sowing wild oats before settling down for good. He knew what his parents expectations were from day one. He warned you two months in, I'm guessing after you two became intimate, so that you knew this wouldn't be longterm and you couldn't argue with him when that warning became the point of no return. He doesn't care about anyone but himself. Otherwise, he wouldn't have wasted your time and played with your heart.

 

In the future, don't go any further with anyone who gives you similar warnings in the future. If a percent gives any excuses for being with you, etc. end it ASAP instead of hoping for what's not going to happen. Any relationship you have to fight for isn't worth having. Live and learn. I know I made lots of mistakes dating, but I finally met someone worthy of me. The same will happen to you when you cut the losers off as soon as you learn they are losers, so you will be free when Mr. Right comes along. Good luck.

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Sorry for what you are going through OP. Different religions are a very real incompatibility and one of the common deal breakers in relationships. He's being honest about not wanting to remain friends and to see you with another person. You cannot have a genuine friendship as long as one party still holds romantic feelings. It is difficult but you made the right choice and will be better off in the long run.

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I'm sorry you're going through this, Limegreen22.

 

You can't force relationships to go in your favor and against another person's will. His parents have strong sway and influence in his life and he chose his parents' approval over you. He's not willing to sacrifice his relationship with his parents due to you. You don't have to like it but you have to accept this bad situation. Life is full of disappointments and this is one of them.

 

Don't wish nor ask to be friends because the relationship and hopes for friendship are dead. Don't fight for it because it's an effort and attempt at futility. Don't have him in your life anymore because there is no future together.

 

Life is about lack of control in many instances and this is one of them. I'm sorry for your disappointment. For you, it's about acceptance even if you don't like this unfortunate situation.

 

Take time to heal your broken heart and someday this will all be in the past.

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Sorry to hear this. It's understandable that you are disappointing. Unfortunately he was only honest when things got serious. This is his decision and he knew about his religious and family traditions all along. There is nothing to fight for. You need to respect his decision and his 'personal choice' is to be with a Sikh woman. Did he lead you on?

He is Sikh and I am Hindu. I have an urge to fight for it and I want to fix it. I believe religion is a personal choice and I respect all religions.
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From the outside looking in, I'm going to guess he's sowing wild oats before settling down for good. He knew what his parents expectations were from day one. He warned you two months in, I'm guessing after you two became intimate, so that you knew this wouldn't be longterm and you couldn't argue with him when that warning became the point of no return. He doesn't care about anyone but himself. Otherwise, he wouldn't have wasted your time and played with your heart.

 

In the future, don't go any further with anyone who gives you similar warnings in the future. If a percent gives any excuses for being with you, etc. end it ASAP instead of hoping for what's not going to happen. Any relationship you have to fight for isn't worth having. Live and learn. I know I made lots of mistakes dating, but I finally met someone worthy of me. The same will happen to you when you cut the losers off as soon as you learn they are losers, so you will be free when Mr. Right comes along. Good luck.

 

Thank you so much you're right I'm going to take this as a lesson and move forward with my life

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I was under the impression that his personal choice was that religion did not matter. He continues to say that religion does not matter to him but rather his parents wishes do. He did lead me on with the false impression that religion would not be a problem for him, he also pursued me for over a year prior to our relationship being completely aware of our religious differences.

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He didn’t end the relationship over religion.

 

That didn’t matter to him. But what matters to him is his parents opinion and judgement and that’s why he ended it.

 

He did tell you this early on.

 

A friend of mine dated a Muslim for years. She was not Muslim.

He broke it off and married a Muslim girl within a year of them breaking up.

He had his fun and then settled for a Muslim girl his family approved of.

 

He never cared about her religion either. His parents did.

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I am finding it difficult to overcome the urge to fight for it. I even asked him to be friends and he said no because he can't see me with someone else. I on the other hand would like to have him in my life and would eventually be okay with him seeing other people if we have to accept the situation for what it is.

 

Out of curiosity, what would "fighting for it" look like for you? Trying to convince him to go against his parents? Trying to convince his parents to accept the religious differences?

 

I don't think being friends is a good idea right now, either. You might think you'd be okay seeing him with someone else, but the reality is often very different. It is usually much harder than we expect to know an ex has moved on to another woman. I would not take that risk emotionally, OP.

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  • 2 weeks later...

had the same thing happen to me basically. She was muslim, i am not. we both knew from the beginning it wasnt gonna fly with her parents, since although her dad didnt marry someone of his own country and religion, she had to..

we dated anyway because feelings = irrational.. after 6 months, 2 weeks after summer break (which was 6 weeks) she broke up. being with her family in her country took a huge toll on her and she couldnt keep lying to them. us dating was completely secret. non of our friends or her parents knew..

 

idk how it was for your BF, but for my ex it was basically, choosing her family and losing me or choosing me and losing her family. its a choice against all odds.

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