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To dump my 2 year boyfriend or not


Princess88

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First off, I would like to say that I depend on him more than I should. He always helps me half the price for groceries, laundry, dishes, cleaning. You name it. Over the last 2 years, we have had our arguments. But, before we dated I told him that I didn’t want him to hide things behind my back, be loyal, and tell me the truth no matter how hard it was. Guess what he did ? Hide many things behind my back, lied, and cheated. The only way I found out was because I was using his phone one time, his camera) and found a picture of girl he had been talking to. However, I also hid things from him. We were having a really tough patch. I cheated on him. However the only difference is that I told him the truth up front. I hate having to check his phone because that means that I don’t trust him. Also he made fake accounts to talk to this girl he worked with so I wouldn’t notice when I, on the other hand, cut everyone out when I cheated. He only said they kissed but something inside of me tells me otherwise. I also had a problem where he would buy pods & vapes and we promised we wouldn’t do it anymore. He did it behind my back and would give his sister pods when I told him not to do it. I only caught him because he was acting crazy about me not coming into his room. He also said he didn’t drink with his friends. But he did. I have always been honest to him about everything. But tonight he came out clean about the stuff he’s done. Once I found his sisters stash I vapped it because I was so pissed. He said he felt relived when he told me the truth because I pretty much forced him to do so. I feel so betrayed. However I do benefit a lot from this guy. College is hard and he’s smart. Is it worth it staying with him for the benefits? This is the second guy I’ve dated for 2 years. But I feel like everyone is going to lie. That’s what people do to protect themselves or so save someone the hurt. When I was single I saw sooo many people who have ended things because of cheating. I also saw many in relationships but were cheating. I’m starting to believe that either I’m picking trash man or everyone is trashy. I really want to believe that love is real but everything I been though that I thought was “love” comes with lies betrayal or abandonment. It’s like I do it intentionally. I honestly don’t know what to do. I feel super sad that he just lied to my face like that for over a year about not vaping. I feel so stupid and I don’t think anyone should feel this way, but I’ve invested so much time and dedication on him. Just because I forced him to be honest once doesn’t mean he’ll keep being honest? What do y’all think?

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Hide many things behind my back, lied, and cheated.
We were having a really tough patch. I cheated on him.

 

I only read up to this. Yes..you two are over.

 

One cheating is bad enough...you both cheat...why bother?

 

Two wrongs don't make a right and until both of you learn how to work through your problems together and stop justifying cheating (which by the way should NEVER happen), neither one of you is any good for a relationship.

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Yes, dump him. You both have a lot of growing up to do. You both cheated and you have both lied in some form. Hiding things is a form of lying by omission. You don't trust each other and it sounds like your main problem in losing him is losing what he can offer you not losing HIM per se. You are the common denominator in your relationships so yes, it sounds like you are picking trashy men. However, have in mind that your own cheating, fixation on the perks that a guy has to offer you and hiding things sounds trashy too. Like attracts like. Imo, you need to rethink your personal values and boundaries. Honesty without integrity doesn't amount for much. A cheater who tells the truth is still a cheater.

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I’m starting to believe that either I’m picking trash man or everyone is trashy.

 

You're picking trash men.

 

HOWEVER, you need to rethink how you behave as well. There should never be any lying or cheating, ever!

 

You don't do it to save hurt, or do it to "one up someone".

You don't do it to hurt them back. You just.....don't....do....it. EVER.

 

If you're with a loser who cheats or lies, dump him. But don't lower yourself to behave like him.

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You excuse your cheating because you told him?

 

Sorry, but that is not acceptable.

He accepted it because he doesn’t care.

 

You have decided that it’s ok to cheat when going through a rough patch and forgivable because you tell the truth?

You are so wrong!

 

Have you considered the fact that your whole relationship was tough and therefore excusable that he cheats? Whether physical or chatting to another?

 

He didn’t check your phone or whereabouts!

 

The only difference between you is that you berate him for doing the same thing you did .

 

Why are you with him? And if you actually think he is worth staying with , then why did you cheat on him ?

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When you have low self esteem, subconsciously you choose someone who is not worthy of you, because that's what you think you deserve.

 

You have a lot of work to do on yourself after you ditch the loser and before you date again. Whether it be through therapy, and/or reading books on how to achieve a higher self esteem, and how to spot red flags in men, that all needs to be achieved so you can find a decent man. Good luck.

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Sorry to hear this. It's hard to believe that you both try to control each other this much, and chronically argue and can not get along for this long. If he cheated, dump him.

 

Sounds a lot like this guy...or is it this guy? https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=551428&p=7010118&viewfull=1#post7010118

I told him that I didn’t want him to hide things behind my back, be loyal, and tell me the truth no matter how hard it was. Guess what he did ? Hide many things behind my back, lied, and cheated. The only way I found out was because I was using his phone one time, his camera) and found a picture of girl he had been talking to.
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You pick trash men and in turn you are acting trash yourself for revenge...and stealing what's not yours because you are mad. What is there to gain by all this? Some free food and some bills paid? Girl if you are going to survive in this world you need to stop making excuses and stand on your own two feet.

 

If you want honest, loyal and love, you have to be that yourself.

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You need to ditch this loser. It's time to make him your EX-boyfriend.

 

You can't "force" anyone to be honest. They either have integrity or they do not. "A leopard cannot change its spots."

 

From now on, keep your standards extremely high when choosing people in your life and never settle for anything less.

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