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I just don't understand


keepthefaith
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After 12 years with someone, most people need a year or two before being ready for a new relationship. You will have to mourn and heal, whether it be with or without a girlfriend. If you stay with her, fake being okay with going to those same places until you actually feel okay doing so. It wasn't fair to a new woman that you're still hung up on an ex. Either free her to be with someone without emotional baggage, or just power through the hurt and try to enjoy a new experience with a new person, regardless that you've been there before with an ex. You can train your brain to do anything you wish by positive self talk. It just takes practice.

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12 years is a long period of time. It takes time to process the breakup and to move on. Many people will not be completely over an ex that they shared such a significant chunk of their lives with in six months. Does your current gf know you are so fresh out of a long term relationship? It is not fair to her that you are still thinking about your ex and using her company as a lovely distraction.

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naturally you have memories with your ex after 12 years. Don’t feel guilty about that, but you are going to need to take a deep breath and face your “haunted places” fears with a brave smile for your current girlfriend’s sake.

 

The old one is gone. Done. Over. But each day you have the opportunity to be the best boyfriend possible for your current woman.

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Over the course of 12 years you must have gone to a heck of a lot of places with your ex. You can't make them all "off limits" to your new girlfriend; that's not fair on her at all. She is entitled to experience things uninhibited and without you tainting those experiences with the ghost of someone else. If you don't think you are ready to make new memories with your girlfriend in those places, then it might be best to end the relationship.

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Thank you for all taking the time to reply I have read all your messages.

 

My previous relationship felt like it had been over for far longer than it actually had I was living a very single life, I suppose I feel lots of guilt that I took the decision and hurt someone that I really didn't want to! Also as I had money and she didn't I paid to go to the places so I feel again guilty that I have taken that away from her.

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Thank you for all taking the time to reply I have read all your messages.

 

My previous relationship felt like it had been over for far longer than it actually had I was living a very single life, I suppose I feel lots of guilt that I took the decision and hurt someone that I really didn't want to! Also as I had money and she didn't I paid to go to the places so I feel again guilty that I have taken that away from her.

 

Bur refusing to go places with your current girlfriend doesn't change any of that.

 

I guess I don't see the connection.

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As mentioned before, you are not ready. You just shoved all your feelings in the closet and what didn't fit you swept under the rug. So you are using the girl as a distraction. You could very well really like her but you are not ready to give 100% to her.

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My previous relationship felt like it had been over for far longer than it actually had I was living a very single life, I suppose I feel lots of guilt that I took the decision and hurt someone that I really didn't want to! Also as I had money and she didn't I paid to go to the places so I feel again guilty that I have taken that away from her.

 

Why did you not marry your ex?

12 years seems like a long time to be with someone but not commit to?

 

Do you really feel guilty for providing holidays for someone who couldn’t afford them for 12 years ? Or do you feel guilty for not committing to her when you provided for her otherwise?

 

Can this new girl afford to pay her own way for the places she wants to visit? Or are you again going to go down the path of being a financial provider but non committal???

 

I’m confused!

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