He wants me back, but I'm not sure.

[cakequeen1]

Hi everyone,

 

Again, I hope you don't mind me asking for some advice here today.

 

Some of you might remember my post from a few weeks ago about a guy I'd been seeing breaking things off with me after an argument and because he felt his mental health problems were too severe for him to be able to maintain a healthy relationship at the moment. You can read it first if you like.

 

Since then, I followed the advice people here gave me by not replying to his Instagram story and cutting off contact. I unfollowed him on all social media platforms I use and I deleted his number from my phone.

 

After a week or two of no contact with him, I started to feel myself moving on from it all and didn't think about it all too much. He didn't contact me either which made it lot easier. However, I received a long text message from him last night saying that he regrets what he did, that he still really cares for me, wishes we were still together and should have communicated with me about his difficulties rather than breaking up.

 

I don't know what to feel. On one hand it does feel like it's all a little too late now, and the way he has gone back and forth on his decision so much does feel unfair and it has been confusing and hurtful for me. Equally, I did feel we had something quite special before this all happened, and if he really does want things to change it seems a shame to not give it a chance. For now I have not responded to the message as I don't really know what I want to say :(

 

Do you think he is just messing me around or is it worth another shot?

 

Thanks in advance for you advice.

[Lambert]

Hi everyone,

 

Again, I hope you don't mind me asking for some advice here today.

 

Some of you might remember my post from a few weeks ago about a guy I'd been seeing breaking things off with me after an argument and because he felt his mental health problems were too severe for him to be able to maintain a healthy relationship at the moment. You can read it first if you like.

 

Since then, I followed the advice people here gave me by not replying to his Instagram story and cutting off contact. I unfollowed him on all social media platforms I use and I deleted his number from my phone.

 

After a week or two of no contact with him, I started to feel myself moving on from it all and didn't think about it all too much. He didn't contact me either which made it lot easier. However, I received a long text message from him last night saying that he regrets what he did, that he still really cares for me, wishes we were still together and should have communicated with me about his difficulties rather than breaking up.

 

I don't know what to feel. On one hand it does feel like it's all a little too late now, and the way he has gone back and forth on his decision so much does feel unfair and it has been confusing and hurtful for me. Equally, I did feel we had something quite special before this all happened, and if he really does want things to change it seems a shame to not give it a chance. For now I have not responded to the message as I don't really know what I want to say :(

 

Do you think he is just messing me around or is it worth another shot?

 

Thanks in advance for you advice.

I don't remember your post, but I think his flip flopping on being with you, is enough of a reason to not take him back.

 

You've come this far without him. You're basically indifferent. So that's a lot to sacrifice and risk over what? Some lackluster effort of one text from him and you'll jump?

 

It won't be long before he flips again. Remember his mental health issues. Those don't just go away.

 

You're doing good. You'll meet someone better that doesn't break up with you. Stay the course.

 

You don't have to be rude to him, you could simply say, no, but you wish him the best. If you get too into it, it just gets messy.

[cakequeen1]

Thank you, you're right. I guess I deserve to be with someone that's sure about me if nothing else. I'll stay the course :)

[Jibralta]

You're better off without him. Depression isn't an excuse to be a jerkoff. Millions of people suffer from depression and manage to not be jerkoffs.

 

As we were walking towards the spot where we had planned to meet them, he turned away and stormed off saying he "couldn't deal with it." I was really humiliated and felt awful having to tell my sister he wouldn't be coming after all, but let him go and did not chase him.

 

We spoke by text later on in the day about him walking away but he seemed defensive rather than apologetic. I told him I would be going out with a friend for the evening and would be leaving him to cool down for a while. He didn't respond to this and ignored me for two days.

 

Your initial impression that he was being manipulative with his WhatsApp and Instagram posts was spot on. He was absolutely being manipulative. I can't believe people are still pulling this crap:

 

He has now changed his Whatsapp picture to a cartoon of character saying "so I guess this is rock bottom eh" and posted a close friends only instagram story saying that he hates himself because he pushes away the people he loves and hates himself for it and regrets what he does every time.

 

I used to see that stuff all the time when I was on Facebook (circa 2013). I found it so annoying. It was so obviously calculated for attention and I used to think, "Does anyone actually fall for this sh*t?"

 

The answer is obviously "yes." I guess if you're involved with a person like that, you become vulnerable to it. The heart's a funny place.

 

So, my advice to you is don't become involved with people like this. You have a knack for identifying them. Trust your gut and keep doing what you're doing.

 

You're heading in the right direction and you are really dodging a bullet!

[Hollyj]

Nothing has changed with his mental state, why would you consider returning to someone so unstable? You really need to address why any of this is good enough for you.

 

You should have blocked him. He sounds awful.

 

Just read Jibralta's post. OP, why in the world are you entertaining this, he treated you disgracefully?

[melancholy123]

Thank you, you're right. I guess I deserve to be with someone that's sure about me if nothing else. I'll stay the course :)

 

Good for you! Keep moving on. Now delete and block him from your phone.

[catfeeder]

I'd consider whether I want my future to be one of catering to another's dysfunction and playing social worker with someone who mistreats me.

 

Self indulgent people usually regret losing the people who they've been awful toward, but it rarely results in a full turnaround to cherishing those people enough to reverse the behavior. Just the opposite--people who are willing to stick around despite it have taught them that they can get away with it.

 

I'd skip that, and I'd envision a better future for myself with someone who owns the capacity to be a good partner.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately many toxic relationship turn into on/off like this

 

My advice about him remains the same : https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=563967&p=7204685&viewfull=1#post7204685

he felt his mental health problems were too severe for him to be able to maintain a healthy relationship at the moment. I received a long text message from him last night saying that he regrets what he did, that he still really cares for me, wishes we were still together and should have communicated with me about his difficulties rather than breaking up.

[smackie9]

Most (not all) with mental issues use a tool called manipulation to get what they want. Hoping they can pull you back in by playing on your emotions, making you doubt your decision to move on. That's exactly what he was doing in that message. Keep following your gut instinct. You did good in your decision.