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Think I'm Bi, or Bi-Curious.. Is There a Difference?


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Hey guys. I'm a 26 year old male from New Jersey. I've posted here a few times. I appreciate all your help to this point, thank you. I feel a lot better then I did where I started, I think. I believe I could be bi-curious, or possibly just bi or truly straight. I've been strictly straight & had no interest in men or men's bodies for 26 years, so keep that in mind. Lately, I find myself appreciating the look of a man's body more and more, noticing when there are attractive men, and looking at men naked isn't a problem for me, and I've had thoughts about the possibility of doing physical things with men often recently. At first I was completely against these thoughts & feared them, but now i'm accepting that I have these and perhaps might explore one them day. I changed my tinder preference to everyone to test the waters, but I'm wondering if my thoughts are more about just admiring the way men look, and not truly wanting to be physical the way I would with a woman. I've also done research and find that there's not a whole lot of Bisexual men out there, at least in the places I've looked, it seems like for men it's either one or the other.. I see bisexuality a lot more common in women. I've also seen that women might not be as interested in dating bisexual men. However, I strongly prefer women, and would much prefer to be physical with women & wouldn't hesitate at all if a woman wanted to get physical. but in the end I'm not sure if I'd actually pull the trigger with a man and truly try it out. What do you guys think? Is there a difference between bisexual, bi curious, and is bisexual a real thing for men?

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I think it's all fluid, personally.

 

A good friend of mine is a woman married to a woman. They both identify, more or less, as straight. But they met, connected, felt the zing, and are now wife and wife.

 

My sense, from this and other posts, is that you're asking a lot of questions right now, spinning around, in mind and body, pretty fast. All good, all that. Enjoy the ride, and trust that it's going to provide more answers than us internet people or some research can.

 

Feel it out. No self-judgement. Maybe just identify, right now, as "curious"? Beautiful thing, that.

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You are describing some contradictory thoughts here and in your last post, OP.

 

Again, all these thoughts while we are in isolation are just that, obsession and keeping yourself trapped in your own head. Many people get curious, perhaps confused, and they figure it out in the real world. Really no need to label yourself one way or the other before you have experienced it. Keep exploring your thoughts and why they are so overwhelming to you with your therapist.

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Have you asked your therapist about this? Is any form of man-2-man sex taboo in your culture? Would you parents disapprove of this as much as they disapprove of you dating anyone?

 

Mostly you are asking about semantics. My advice about this remains the same: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=564409&p=7212558&viewfull=1#post7212558

Is there a difference between bisexual, bi curious, and is bisexual a real thing for men?
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My therapist actually suggested that I could be bi. I’m not 100% sold or sure on that idea but I can definitely admit I’m at least bi curious, if that’s a real thing.. She mentioned everyone around me that I care about the most is very accepting of myself either way (including my parents) what’s it gonna take for me to accept myself either way? That I don’t know. Do I see male to male sex in my future? Most likely not, though it’s not An impossibility or a fear like it once was. At the end of the day, I want to be dating someone who truly likes me for who I am and treats me with respect, which is earned, and while I’d prefer a woman, definitely, I guess I’m okay with it if it’s a man, too.. I’m not sure what that makes me, though.

Edited by JCDallas
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At the end of the day, I want to be dating someone who truly likes me for who I am and treats me with respect, which is earned, and while I’d prefer a woman, definitely, I guess I’m okay with it if it’s a man, too.. I’m not sure what that makes me, though.

 

Here you go, problem solved. You and people close to you will accept you either way, so why would it matter? Being straight, bi, or bi curious (?) doesn't define you as a person. You are who you are and applying a new label to yourself won't make you a whole new person.

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At the end of the day, I want to be dating someone who truly likes me for who I am

 

Do you feel that you can only like yourself, for who you are, whoever you are, if you're dating someone? That seems to be a theme here, in these posts, and it's something worth thinking about.

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Do you feel that you can only like yourself, for who you are, whoever you are, if you're dating someone? That seems to be a theme here, in these posts, and it's something worth thinking about.

 

To be honest, I don't know. Even at times when I was dating females in the past, I always had these thoughts in the back of my head that I didn't understand, but I feel like I'm starting to now, so I was never 100% happy with everything. Now that I'm starting to get some clarity on this, I feel like I can start to be happy with myself, at least I hope so..

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My apologies for the double post, but has anyone heard of the term hetero romantic bisexual? It's someone who will only date, and get romantic with people of the opposite sex, which sounds a lot like me, but are sexually attracted to both.. I feel like I might fall into this almost perfectly.. even though I haven't actually tried anything sexual with a man yet. Or I could be hetero-romantic bi-curious.. Meaning I'd only date & marry a women, but I'm curious about the possibility of being bi, only sexually though and not romantically..

Edited by JCDallas
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When you tell a therapist that you have fantasies about men's bodies, wonder what a penis tastes like, etc clearly the subject of male-2-male sex will come up. You seem to entertaining yourself with a lot of social labels and semantics. It would be best to discuss your obsessions (homophobia, sexuality, etc) with your therapist rather than indulge it randomly. Many of these labels are for cruising/dating purposes or to keep male-2-male sex on the down low or simply deny homosexual feelings.

has anyone heard of the term hetero romantic bisexual?
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Do you come from a background or family where it's frowned upon to be gay or bisexual? If not then I wouldn't worry too much about what kind of sexuality you have and to what extent. I actually identify as pansexual and I've known I like more than one gender since I was fourteen years old (I'm 35). I've been on the GLBTIQ+ scene since I was 19 and I've met so many different people. I've realised that sexuality can really be anything. And more and more sexuality "labels" are emerging as time goes on. But really you don't even have to label yourself. You can if you want to but if you're not sure then you don't actually have to. You can be anything you want.

 

If you wanna try being with men then hey, do it! You only live once. Try it and see how you feel. If you've never been with a male before then maybe you're not sure how it would actually feel and how it would develop your sexuality. I actually think there are bisexual men out there but there has for a long time been a stigma about being bisexual. I know because I've experienced it. But thankfully it seems to be getting better now.

 

Regarding whether you can be predominately into one gender even if you're bisexual. Yes, sure. I mean you can even be into one gender for a year then get into another gender the next year lol Sexuality can be fluid. My female best friend is bisexual but she's predominantly into men.

 

Personally I'm not sure what it's like to be more attracted to one gender than another because in my own sexuality I don't really see people as a gender. Romantically I mean. When I meet people, I might be attracted to their smile, their vibes, their personality. I've always felt like the actual person is on the inside of the body, who they really are. So I never really cared what body they were in. Male, female, other...I hope I'm making sense.

 

Anyway sorry I rambled and good luck :)

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You need to get to a doctor for a complete evaluation and a referral to another therapist for a second opinion.

 

I sort of have a problem with this comment because someone doesn't need 2-3 therapists to tell them what their sexuality is. It's not the therapists' or any other people's place to be telling/diagnosing the sexuality. It's good for OP to explore about his own sexuality in therapy but that is so HE can come to his own conclusions. Non straight sexuality is no longer considered a mental illness so doesn't need to be diagnosed and so forth. So I think talking to one therapist should be enough for self-exploration. It's not necessary to go for a second opinion because it doesn't matter what their opinion is.

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I've also done research and find that there's not a whole lot of Bisexual men out there, at least in the places I've looked, it seems like for men it's either one or the other.. I see bisexuality a lot more common in women. I've also seen that women might not be as interested in dating bisexual men. However, I strongly prefer women, and would much prefer to be physical with women & wouldn't hesitate at all if a woman wanted to get physical. but in the end I'm not sure if I'd actually pull the trigger with a man and truly try it out. What do you guys think?

 

I suspect that you aren't finding many instances of bisexual men 'out there' because you are currently using porn as your source of research. There's not a lot of porn that showcases bisexual men, it's true. I'm not exactly sure why that is, but I can come up with a few theories.

 

Rest assured that intimacy is not limited to porn categories. In other words, porn categories are not inclusive of all forms of intimacy.

 

In the actual, tangible world, bisexual men do exist in plenitude. Try exploring internet forums for bisexual people. I'm sure many have the same questions as you do, and there must be forums out there where these questions have been asked and answered.

 

If you stick around long enough on this forum, you'll see oodles of threads where a wife discovers gay porn on her husband's phone, or that he's also dating men, etc. And I'm sure a search on this site will turn up posts from men discovering their own bisexuality.

 

But I do recommend searching the rest of the internet for bisexual-oriented forums.

 

Just because your personal inclinations don't fit neatly into some category doesn't mean that they don't exist and that they shouldn't be explored.

 

Good luck.

Edited by Jibralta
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Thanks for your replies, everyone. So A lot has changed since my last post earlier this weekend.. I'm 98% sure I'm straight after this point, and there's maybe 2% chance I Could be bi. I'm now absolutely certain I am not gay, I now know that for a fact. I don't actually stare at men, I don't get crushes on men, I never thought about a certain guy in school or at work, I was always thinking about girls. I don't actually want to be physical with men, and I don't get turned on by men. This is not me denying it. It's the truth. When I was testing the waters over the weekend to see for sure, I matched with one guy on tinder who actually is bi over the weekend who is on the opposite end of my spectrum. I talked about these thoughts. He said one of the pre-reqs to being bi is you actually had to have a real crush on a guy before, and I simply have not, not one time, not even a little. Its not a denial, it's the honest truth. I'd admit it if I did. If somehow in the end, I actually were bi, I'm okay with it, but I strongly believe I'm not. I'm just becoming more noticing and appreciating of men's bodies in general lately and have had intrusive thoughts, just thoughts, that made me somewhat curious, but it doesn't mean I truly want to experience it and I'm not THAT curious. I need to talk to my therapist about this tomorrow, but I think it could be more of a fear of sex with women, fear of hurting the woman, hurting myself, not knowing boundaries, the fear of possibly being accused of harassment or something if the relationship ends after sex happens, because I'm so inexperienced.. The idea of possibly being bi never came from having a crush on a guy, it came from things not working out with multiple women, so this has been a flawed thought from the start. I definitely want to have sex with females, very much so, I have no doubt about that but I have some fears/concerns I need to get over..

Edited by JCDallas
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