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He said I deserve better


mayflower165
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How do I react to My boyfriend telling me I deserve better? Due to the recent stress of this pandemic, he said he realizes he’s not at the place he wants to be at in life right now and he should focus on himself. He appreciates our friendship, and still wants me in his life. In terms of our relationship he can’t make any promises to me.

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You only dated for a matter of weeks before the pandemic started and there was already questions early on about his integrity.

 

'It's me, not you' is basically what he said. What does it mean? 'You deserve better" It means he can't give you what you are looking for and he's not the guy for you.

 

How do you react? You honor any feelings or disappointment you have over this and start working on moving on.

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Sorry about this. How long have you been together? Recalling your past threads, I'm guessing this is a newish relationship?

 

Anyhow, I can only tell you how I'd react, which is to agree with him and start making space for what you deserve: a better man than this. If friendship is something you can genuinely see and genuinely want—well, you can attempt to make that transition. But if you'd be making that transition in hopes of future romance? No. That's just a recipe for an insincere dynamic that chews you up while giving poor him a cushion while he focuses on himself.

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Our relationship was only 4 and a half months. His mother did end up having coronavirus that time and he’s been under stress with his job as well. He’s 30 years old and still living at home, lost some income from the pandemic. He’s also going through personal things like being on probation. I have my own apartment and I’ve been working from home as a teacher. I can kind of see why maybe it’s possible he’s insecure. But you are all right.. why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t want the same things I want.

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Great move. Hard, I know. But within a week or two you will be thanking yourself, and feeling better.

 

From what you've written, this is a dude who is far from your level. The basic facts point to that—and, well, now so do his actions. Some people blossom when life asks them to live it, and some wilt. You want the former, he is the latter.

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Ahhh, the same old line of: "It's not you, it's me" spiel. How easy is that? How convenient! That's an easy out, very self serving, self centered and selfish.

 

It's his way of saying, "I'm done with you. Now get out of my life. I don't need you and I don't want you." Ouch. Yes, it hurts. However, be actually glad that you don't have this type of person in your life anymore because he won't give you a good life. He's dishonorable plain and simple. What a cad.

 

Tell him this: "I hope you find yourself and good luck." After that, in your mind, you should think: "Good riddance!"

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One time a guy reversed the line on me and said “It’s not me, it’s you.” 😂 I can laugh about it now given how lame the guy turned out to be.

 

OP,

 

Whenever a guy says that no matter what is going on in his life, believe he has no interest. From what you say about him, you can do so much better. Someone that will be with you no matter what comes your way!

 

If a guy wants you he’ll be with you no matter what.

 

I’m happy you blocked him. Now you get to move onto better things and people.

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Lots of us have had to learn an “on again/off again” lesson. Sorry you’re waist deep in it, no fun. Everything will look different when the sun is out. Hope you find some healthy distractions and have a peaceful night

 

Agree.

 

It’s probably best you two just cut ties this go round, 2 break ups in 4 months isn’t very promising.

 

Good luck

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Hi there! I’m sorry about your break up. I have to agree, you absolutely deserve better. You are in a better place in life than he is right now. He has a lot of stuff to work out. He may get there eventually, but he needs to do this work on himself on his own.

I am glad you cut all contact with him. It hurts, but it makes it easier on you moving forward.

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No one likes failure, and that's what's really bothering you. Ya sure we make mistakes, but how do we learn about life and about ourselves? We fall down, we get back up. I say always look at the positive...you didn't waste anymore time on this guy, and you made a good healthy decision. Pat yourself on the back for having the strength to do that. Smile, tomorrow with be a better day :)

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Sorry to hear this. Is there someone else? Has there been problems? This is a 'it's me, not you' breakup. He doesn't want to hurt you but he is ending things.

he said he realizes he’s not at the place he wants to be at in life right now and he should focus on himself. He appreciates our friendship, and still wants me in his life. In terms of our relationship he can’t make any promises to me.
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The past month was rough when coronavirus hit. His mom got it and was sick, he stopped working and our communication dwindled. His whole house quarantined for 2 weeks I couldn’t see him. He would tell me he knows his been distant but he is under a lot of stress and things would get better with time. I told him it’s okay and I’m here for him if needed. This was a few weeks ago. Things started to improve for a short while when his mom started to get better. He started to reach out to me more telling me he missed me and couldn’t wait to see me, but that never happened. He said he had to quarantine for 2 more weeks and he stopped working as well during this time. I waited, kept in daily contact. At the end of these two weeks I asked if we could see each other, or talk on the phone because I missed him. He said he would see me sometime this week. That sounded very uncertain. The next day I called, no answer. A few hours later he texted me to tell me the quarantine has made him realize he’s not at where he needs to be at in life right now. He needs to take the time to focus on his self. He misses me, but doesn’t want to see me go. He still wants me in his life, enjoys our friendship but feels guilty because I deserve better. I asked him does he still want to be with me and he said he couldn’t make any promises. I asked if this was about another girl he said no. I asked why are you saying this? He said that I wouldn’t understand and his pride wouldn’t let him go into detail. I told him I was hurt. He said he knows, and feels bad but if I gave him time things would get better. At the point he stopped responding to me. I called him but no answer. So I just decided to block him on everything.

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The past month was rough when coronavirus hit. His mom got it and was sick, he stopped working and our communication dwindled. His whole house quarantined for 2 weeks I couldn’t see him. He would tell me he knows his been distant but he is under a lot of stress and things would get better with time. I told him it’s okay and I’m here for him if needed. This was a few weeks ago. Things started to improve for a short while when his mom started to get better. He started to reach out to me more telling me he missed me and couldn’t wait to see me, but that never happened. He said he had to quarantine for 2 more weeks and he stopped working as well during this time. I waited, kept in daily contact. At the end of these two weeks I asked if we could see each other, or talk on the phone because I missed him. He said he would see me sometime this week. That sounded very uncertain. The next day I called, no answer. A few hours later he texted me to tell me the quarantine has made him realize he’s not at where he needs to be at in life right now. He needs to take the time to focus on his self. He misses me, but doesn’t want to see me go. He still wants me in his life, enjoys our friendship but feels guilty because I deserve better. I asked him does he still want to be with me and he said he couldn’t make any promises. I asked if this was about another girl he said no. I asked why are you saying this? He said that I wouldn’t understand and his pride wouldn’t let him go into detail. I told him I was hurt. He said he knows, and feels bad but if I gave him time things would get better. At the point he stopped responding to me. I called him but no answer. So I just decided to block him on everything.

 

Simplify this situation. He's under a lot of intense stress with COVID-19 pandemic, his mom contracted COVID-19, he stopped working which means no income and his life is unraveling right before his eyes. Unemployment is horrible, awful stress. The fact of the matter is you shouldn't take his breaking up with you personally because he doesn't have any brain space to exclusively devote to you anymore. His plate is FULL. He is consumed with his own troubles. Don't get dramatic by pestering him anymore. Let him be and let him go. He wants out so let him exit the relationship.

 

You've got the message by now. He wants you out of his life so you did the right thing by blocking him. It's over. Give him what he wants. Respect his wishes and don't be tempted to reach out to him. He wants to move on without you so you need to respect his wishes and it's time for you to move on without him in your life permanently.

 

I'm sorry this happened to you, mayflower165. I've suffered the same fate, too. Granted my stories aren't the same as yours but there are definite parallels when two parties went their separate ways either due to insurmountable life's situations, financial hardship, struggle, overwhelming health problems, serious autoimmune disorders, job loss (unemployment), too many geographical miles apart and so many reasons ran the gamut. These situations are beyond anyone's control and whenever life turns upside down and became horribly unstable, relationships and friendships are usually the first to be sorely challenged and ultimately sacrificed.

 

A bad life takes a toll on everyone.

 

Insecurity brings out the worst in people and it's perfectly natural otherwise we wouldn't be human. Everyone handles insecurity differently. Some people handle it better than others. I can vouch for myself that I don't handle instability, irritability and insecurity well. I am pushed over the edge. Then when life becomes wonderful on all fronts again, I'm happy as a clam. This mindset is quite universal.

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Sorry to hear this, but you are doing the right thing. At least it's closure rather than vague double talk.

He misses me, but doesn’t want to see me go. He still wants me in his life, enjoys our friendship but feels guilty because I deserve better. So I just decided to block him on everything.
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