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Hey.

 

Fair warning: this is one hell of a long post, but I really really appreciate anyone willing to read it and help.

 

Is my best friend toxic, or not? And what should I do?? This whole thing is a mess.

 

Basically, my best friend has been ignoring my texts lately. She answers maybe once a day if I’m lucky, and only if I ask her a direct question that she finds of interest. (Ex. I got a new job this week I’ve wanted for a while and texted her about it, she never replied. But I asked her if she wanted a recipe for peanut butter cookies, and she answered with “yes”)

 

She even has the nerve to ignore my texts and text a gc I’m in, but ignore my texts in the gc. I tried to confront her about ignoring me in a joking way, and she said she was “busy” and “had a lot going on” in her life they kept her from texting me. I said I was sorry for being insensitive, but she kept ignoring me and continued to post videos on Tiktok even when I texted her, and I even asked her in a text if I should make a quarantine buddies google classroom to help people make online friends, and she actually replied and said I should put her in it so she could have a long-distance friend to talk to every day. I tried to keep her talking and tried to change the conversation a little, but then she left.

 

I then realized she had literally asked me, after ignoring me most days, to take the time to match her with someone she could text in the time she could be texting me back, but she chooses not to.

 

Wtaf.

 

However, the OTHER SIDE of this is that she’s struggling with an ED and some family issues.

 

HOWEVER

 

I’m also struggling with an ED, family issues, multiple jobs, an excessive workload from a private school (she goes to public), yet I make the time to text her and be happy for whatever good happens to her.

 

I’ve always supported her, and she used to support me, but then stopped. I tried texting her about my ED once, and she simply ignored me. So I stopped telling her about my problems, but continued to let her tell me hers.

 

ADDITIONALLY she told me once that me not texting her made her sad, which made me curious. How tf am I supposed to text somebody who never texts back??? Why would I??? I try to check in with her, and even THEN she doesn’t reply. I’m left on read. Like WTH

 

it just makes me so irritated and mad, especially since this girl has also wished failure on me in the past. Last month when I surprised her by telling her I won a state competition for a project, she literally cussed me out over text and wouldn’t accept my apology for surprising her with such happy news.

 

I APOLOGIZED FOR WINNING A COMPETITION I HAD BEEN PLANNING FOR FOR MONTHS

 

it just makes me so mad. We’re both struggling with private issues, but why is she like this?? She’s in contact with all of her other friends, as I know from the gc’s.

 

I want my old best friend back, the person who actually cared.

 

This girl is a nightmare.

 

And I don’t want to tell her that, bc I know I’ll regret it and feel badly, and she’ll probably feel awful.

 

So this is why she makes me want to throw myself out of a window. I literally cry over and for my friend who doesn’t give a about me.

 

It doesn’t help I used to have a huge crush on her either. I don’t anymore though, not after all this.

 

If you made it this far, thanks so much. I tried to summarize as best as I could. Any advice is appreciated. WHAT SHOULD I DO????

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You don’t have to burn this with fire but you are definitely aloud to mentally re categorise her as currently not your friend and act accordingly (for me this would be a total cessation of my attempts to keep the connection alive).

 

I have a personal bug bear about marking messages as read but not replying to them (if I’m busy I’ll actually not read the message until I’m able to respond. See, that wasn’t so hard). I think that’s a friendship deal breaker for me.

 

I’m sorry this friend stopped being a friend to you, it can hurt a lot when that happens. Recommend investing some energy in people who do currently love your face and creating and then working towards some goals

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It doesn’t help I used to have a huge crush on her either. I don’t anymore though, not after all this.

 

Does she know this, or perhaps sensed this? It could be why she's more distant from you, if she doesn't feel the same way.

 

Unfortunately, this friendship has become very one-sided. No amount of texting or trying to engage her is going to help if she just isn't interested in keeping the friendship afloat. I'm sorry, OP, but I think you need to step back and let her go for now. You can't make someone want to talk to you, much as it hurts.

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Do you still have a crush? If so then it's a one sided/unbalanced relationship. I'm sorry but she's doing the slow fade IMO. I had that happen over the last couple of years with two good friends. It hurt. I did not confront at all so that if in the future we reconnect there's no bad blood in that sense. I agree with Jibralta.

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Sorry, she is not reciprocating.

 

I suggest you stop texting her. How old are you guys? Do you have other friends? What is "ED?"

 

Honestly, I don't text any of my friends everyday, as there isn't enough to say, and people are busy-maybe, not now.

 

The relationship is one-sided. I think you should move on if you are not getting what you need.

Edited by Hollyj
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ED is eating disorder right?

 

Hi! Do you have other friends? If you do then you should start investing more time into those friendships. This one is not everything you want or need. It sounds to me like you have a lot of expectations and I agree about she should be happy in your accomplishment, but you have time and attention expectations that she does not fulfill.

 

More fríends would mean more attention and more diversity. I’m guessing you’re still in high school if not younger? You will have many many friendships in your life cultivate the good ones and let the others fall by the wayside

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