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Silent treatment


Itismenow

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I hadn’t saw my boyfriend in 3 weeks, I had been suggesting things to do when we saw each other and he didn’t seem interested, I had a feeling he wasn’t missing me. I shared my feelings with him and he got real defensive, I told him no need to be defensive that we can have a mature conversation about it and how we are feeling. He took the huff and has given me the silent treatment for a week. I had ordered a gift for him online before this happened and it was delivered 2 days after this , he did not txt to say thanks. I txt him 2 days after that to see if he received it and was he actually being thick with me for sharing my feelings, he replied about the gift and ignored my other question. We have not spoke since. This is the second time this has happened after me expressing my feelings.

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He has been a good boyfriend in other ways however anytime I express my feelings he gets defensive and ends up like this. Another thing is he is a twin and we very very rarely have time on our own without him and I feel trapped Iv tried to talk to him about this however it falls on deaf ears. This is nearly a 3 year relationship.

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He has been a good boyfriend in other ways however anytime I express my feelings he gets defensive.

 

You should be able to express your feelings without your partner making it all about them. Having your feelings ignored or invalidated is very damaging (I've been in your shoes) and means you can never really be yourself. How is that good for you? I assume you're not just tell him he's responsible for how you feel? If he can't acknowledge your feelings and have a sensible discussion about whatever is behind them without automatically assuming you're blaming it all on him then I'm with the others - call it a day.

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Yea well apparently he thinks it but just doesn’t say to me ie missing me etc. In 3 weeks he never said I miss you once unless I said it then he said miss you too or I can’t wait to see you unless I said it then he said can’t wait to see you too. The brother is another issue which we can’t do anything without him. If he had expressed his feelings to me I would have been devastated and ensured he knew I was missing him etc before I went to sleep but no I get this silent treatment.

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Why are you still with this guy?

 

He doesn't treat you right and my guess is he isn't that bothered about having his twin around because it's a buffer that prevents you two from having a deeper bond.

 

I would be done with this relationship. It's not worth the hassle.

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Hi there! It seems to me like he is immature, or he doesn’t know how to be a boyfriend, or is not really into you, or all of the above.

You can and should give HIM the silent treatment now. In this time you have dated, and it’s a long time 3 years, how has he shown you he loves you??

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Hi

He can’t hack it if we have words and just withdraws himself, not very often we have words but this is twice about the same thing, not showing love and not having time to ourselves. He does always tell me he loves me but I think it’s just habit now. In 3 years we have not discussed the future together ie saving together, living together etc etc. We both don’t live together so it’s so important the time we do spend together is quality but no his brother is always there and out for drink his brother is there, out for walk his brother is there, having chinese his brother is there.

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We both don’t live together so it’s so important the time we do spend together is quality but no his brother is always there and out for drink his brother is there, out for walk his brother is there, having chinese his brother is there.

 

A guy who wants to spend time alone with you and build a future with you is not going to be okay having his brother glued to his side. He would make sure he gets it. It's not healthy and not conducive to forming a relationship of any depth with you.

 

As I said before, I suspect he's okay with that, deep-down. This isn't someone who is mature enough to draw boundaries with his family and it might be how he prefers it so he can keep you at a relative distance.

 

Sorry, but you can't get really work with this. At some point, you have to ask yourself what you're really getting out of a relationship that's seemingly so under-developed.

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Yes I am asking myself these questions and your right it’s so under developed. There is a lack of communication on his behalf and always falls victim while I’m the opposite if he expressed his feeling to me I would have reacted in a positive way and I did tell him I’m a mature women that takes things on board and changes them - he obv hasn’t took that well either. Silent treatment is just pathetic and the longer it goes on the worse it is but he doesn’t see that 🤷🏼♀️

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Yes I am asking myself these questions and your right it’s so under developed. There is a lack of communication on his behalf and always falls victim while I’m the opposite if he expressed his feeling to me I would have reacted in a positive way and I did tell him I’m a mature women that takes things on board and changes them - he obv hasn’t took that well either. Silent treatment is just pathetic and the longer it goes on the worse it is but he doesn’t see that 🤷🏼♀️
Honestly, no one here knows what exactly "sharing your feelings" entails, nor to what extent he gets defensive. There are plenty of ways that can play out wherein we could sympathize with either or both of you. Accusing your partner of an alienation of affection isn't a light charge, and there are plenty of objectively bad ways to go about even skirting that periphery.

 

Altogether, arguing over what someone else is or isn't feeling is about as bad as an argument gets, and so long as we're talking about invalidating the feelings of others, that right there pretty much sets the precedent. If someone doesn't give you the attention you want in a relationship or in the fashion you want it in, then you take that for what it's worth on its own merits. There's no harm in that, and insofar as one could argue you'd need a justification, it's as justifiable a reason as it gets to call it quits.

 

I'm not here to tell you the guy's a casanova or even worth being with. That's up to you, and only you knows what's best for you. FWIW, playing third wheel to someone's sibling sounds lousy. What I will say is that bickering over him not telling you that he misses you or his brother eating cheese wantons in the room while you and your boyfriend bang very obviously isn't improving matters. nor will it. When I hear someone lamenting that someone else won't "change" for them, it's a giant red flag. It reads well beyond an innocent approach to discussing feelings. To the point I'm not going to assume it's a week of simple and innocuous "good morning xx" texts he's been ignoring, assuming the silence wasn't in fact mutual.

 

Make life easier for yourself. Find someone who fulfills your relationship needs without having to change. Once you get to the point of referring to someone's behavior as pathetic, that's all the signal you need that you've lost respect for someone who's supposed to be your partner.

 

Very few people land in a bad relationship out of bad luck. I'd trim the excess emotional stress during this innately stressful period and further do some self reflecting on how to do better for yourself in the future.

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Sorry to hear this, just get out before it gets worse , have been through this myself and usually its always them and not you. There is no respect or understanding whatsoever. The other person just believes that this is something you will put up with and there starts a pattern. Then it all comes to how much you can endure and it really is not worth it. Just damages slowly.

Take care of yourself.

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Unfortunately this tells you a lot. You are incompatible and he simply does not share your goals, values, interests, timelines and does not see you in his future...

In 3 years we have not discussed the future together ie saving together, living together etc etc. his brother is always there and out for drink his brother is there.
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