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Found Tinder On My Girlfriends Phone


alwaysme30

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Firstly thanks you for taking the time to read my post and hopefully help with my issue

 

Some background, been together for 3 years (not married) and lived together for 18 months. I have children from a previous relationship. They come to stay with us every other weekend.

 

Last Friday I had been out for most of the day at work whereas she was home alone and in the evening I was upstairs doing some housework when I heard her phone ping as it was on charge in our bedroom. It pinged with a unfamiliar sound, I’m used to the whatsapp, instagram twitter sounds but this was different. My intuition told me to have a look, so I pressed the lock button on her phone (Huawei p20) and saw she had lots of different notifications from various apps. However what caught my eye was drawn to what I am 75% sure was the TINDER logo! I couldn’t see the actually content of the message because of the facial recognition on the phone but there was two notifications from what I believe was TINDER.

 

I then took myself off and looked at the logo and did some googling on it to be sure I was correct. After doing this I was 90% sure it definitely was Tinder. I then decided to unlock her phone (yes I no, not great) and see if I could locate the app on her phone as the notifications had dissapered with other apps notifications taking there place but there was still a “logo” on the top bar. I failed to find the app on her phone, even after checking folders she had. However my thoughts on this is that she wouldn’t be as so stupid to have it there on her screen if she was being secretive.

 

I spoke to my friend about this and he offered to set up a fake tinder account to see if she was on there on several different locations but couldn’t locate her. I know for a fact she used to use Tinder before we met so used to have a profile which I’m guessing could be easily reactivated. I have never used tinder nor a Huawei phone so anyone that has both who could potentially help with what a notification looks like would be amazing???!!!

 

My problem is that I am so sure that it was tinder I saw and feel like I should approach her on the matter but I am confident she will deny it. She could have downloaded the app and since deleted it? So therefore me asking and her showing me her phone would therefore show nothing and I also know with Huawei phone there is the option to “hide” certain apps.

 

Any thoughts on how to go about this would be really appreciative.

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Your earlier thread, in August, documented a lot of anguish and disconnect here. Did you find a way to address any of that, together and productively? I ask because it's hard to read this and see a story of two people who trust each other, and approach conflict in a healthy way.

 

I can only speak for myself, but if I was in your shoes right now? I'd be more concerned about my own behavior than whether or not that was a notification from some hidden form of Tinder. You're looking through her phone, enlisting a friend to create an account to spy on her: Is that who you want to be, inside a relationship?

 

Ultimately, you come across as focused on proving her guilt. But if you already think she is guilty—be it of being on Tinder, or simply not being committed to the relationship in the way you want and need—then you need to address that as an issue. You talk to her about your feelings, or you decide this is someone with whom you can't feel secure with. Going into detective mode? All that's going to do is ensure some tattered seams keep unraveling.

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The problem is not her phone apps but your overall contempt for her since moving in together and the domestic drudgery. It sounds like you never processed your divorce. All the dating 'fun' ended and back to the same problems as when you were unhappily married.

ever since we have begun living together things have changed.

We are not as affectionate, have less sex, we argue more and considerably less romantic.

In my opinion she is lazy

She isn't the person who i fell in love with at all

I am seeing her in a different light and i no longer look at her and feel about her like i used

lately i feel like in some way i would be better off without her and could start again.

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it unnerves me some that you are very comfortable and overly familiar with the goings on with her phone.

That and possible a Tinder account and recruiting your friend to snare her.

 

These are all symptoms of a larger problem.

Your time is better spend addressing the state of your relationship then it is being suspicious and conducting some sort of recon mission.

What if you are wrong?. . then what?

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Any thoughts on how to go about this would be really appreciative.

 

When you saw the notifications, you should have brought the phone to her and asked her to clarify what you were seeing. Why didn't you do that?

 

It strikes me as extra complicated to instead search google, then go to your friend and have your friend set up a tinder account to try and catch her in a lie, and now come to strangers on the internet for Tinder/Huawei notification verification.

 

Why don't you cut through all of this nonsense and establish communication with your partner? You share a home and a life. Why are you behaving as though she were a hostile stranger?

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So you broke into her phone and found nothing. You set up a fake account to locate her and found nothing. Despite all the evidence to the contrary, you are still soooo convinced that it had to have been Tinder you saw on her phone.... I mean.....you've got issues. Big ones and your gf using Tinder isn't one of them.

 

What's really going on with you?

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Thanks for those that have replied.

 

Our relationship has been alot better and healthier since my last post. And i of course dont want to be that non trusting partner who accuses and snoops etc. However i know what i saw, and i no that you cant get notifications without having the app installed.

 

My decision is of course to speak to her about it and try to establish whats happened but going the right way about it without looking i am accusing her and already saying she is guilty despite the evidence. I tried to see if there was any other tinder related items on her phone so it could either confirm or dent my thoughts. And my friend offered to do it after speaking with him it wasnt some sort of hatched plan etc.

 

I want to get everything lined up so when i do speak to her asap its all there or not there to be spoken about.

 

How i potentially see it is that, if i am right and she had tinder but has since removed it for whatever reason then she could well potentially cover up or lie when I approach her to cover her back

 

She hasnt given me any reason previously to not trust her so this is a different scenario to what i have dealt with previously.

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And i of course dont want to be that non trusting partner who accuses and snoops etc.

 

Well, you are that partner. You snooped, and now you're getting ready to accuse.

 

However i know what i saw

 

No, you don't know what you saw. You googled it and asked a friend because you weren't sure.

 

You still aren't 100% sure. So you've even asked here for help on what a Tinder notification looks like on her type of phone.

 

You've done everything but ask her what the notifications were for.

 

If you really knew what you saw, why not hand the phone to your girlfriend when the notifications were there on the screen and ask her to explain?

 

My decision is of course to speak to her about it and try to establish whats happened but going the right way about it without looking i am accusing her and already saying she is guilty despite the evidence.

 

That's exactly what it is going to look like because this is exactly what this is: an accusation of guilt. You are gathering evidence behind her back because you believe that she is guilty and untrustworthy.

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Thanks for those that have replied.

 

And i of course dont want to be that non trusting partner who accuses and snoops etc. And my friend offered to do it after speaking with him it wasnt some sort of hatched plan etc.

 

I want to get everything lined up so when i do speak to her asap its all there or not there to be spoken about.

 

 

But you are that non trusting partner that snoops and just because your friend offered -it still makes you culpable.

 

You wanted everything lined up so you can speak with her? It's as you want to build a case to justify your spike in insecurity.

 

Now all you have is some sort of audible indicator that could have been for just about anything under the sun. I'm glad my bf doesn't go sideways every time my phone pings. .

 

You sound a bit paranoid, yet you say she's never given you reason to not trust her.

If she's never given reason, then she is deserving of your trust.

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She hasnt given me any reason previously to not trust her so this is a different scenario to what i have dealt with previously.

 

Sounds to me like you didn't heal from whoever betrayed you & your trust...

 

Tread lightly friend. Getting all your ducks in a row, all your convicting evidence to confront her... bad idea.

 

I have been the victim, the collateral damage, if you will from a partner's partner's mistakes. Not pretty. Not fun.

 

As the saying goes you better check yourself before you wreck yourself.

 

it is you that you dont trust.

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Well I think at this point because you didn't actually find any proof that she's using Tinder, you don't 100% know that was it. To be honest for someone to get notifications from Tinder, the app actually has to be downloaded on the person's phone. If it's just downloaded on the computer and not on the phone, the notifications wouldn't come up. If you really searched the whole phone, surely you would have seen Tinder if it was there? If you're really worried about it then the best thing is definitely just to speak to your girlfriend. And probably try to be gentle and not accusing in your tone. Just saying something like: "I was in the bedroom and heard notifications and couldn't help myself but look and seemed like I saw Tinder". But really you don't know what you saw and you couldn't find any evidence of Tinder. So you need to be careful in how you approach this. Because if I wasn't on Tinder and my partner said they snooped my phone and they were accusing me, I would be pretty annoyed.

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You need 100% proof before you go accusing anyone. You need to be able to see a message to her from a man and that it's 100% from a dating app.

 

You should take a screen shot or picture, so you can show her that you have proof.

 

Until all of the above happens, you will make yourself look like a fool who is only guessing.

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