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Love at first sight gone awry


Exotic86

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Hello my favorite people!

My story isn't something unheard of and I'm pretty sure I'll get some standard advice from some of the most devoted members.

 

My problem falls in the category of love, attraction, infidelity, long distance, and a lot. I am nevertheless choosing the category of 'love advice'.

 

My job took me to another city and I was living a normal life when suddenly I saw someone at a store. Our eyes met and there was this inexplicable attraction between us. Long dramatic story short, we have each other's contact number and we have been talking for a month now.

 

Within a week of the first time I saw that guy in store, my job took me back to my hometown and I shifted. We have shared some really deep feelings and trust me when I say that we both feel very deeply about it. It's not a crush, it's a very strong connection that we are experiencing.

The problem is that I thought long distance was the only issue but it turns out that he is already married.

 

You can imagine what I'm going through. I asked him about where we are headed but he didn't really have any positive answer.

I tried breaking up but I couldn't. So I told him that I'm preparing for a test and then I've switched off my whatsapp, it's been one day.

Please tell me how to make him realize what he wants since he is the one who said that I'm the best thing ever happened to him in his life. Its been just a month but I've never been so happy in my life with anyone the way I have been with him.

 

Please tell me if no contact is going to make him realize that he wants me. I can't give up on him for some strange reason!

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The last sentence of your 3rd paragraph tells you all you need to know. He's married. The story ends there.

 

If he decides he wants you (and you gave no indication he's thinking that way) then it's up to him to decide what he wants to do. You cant do it for him. You are smitten by a guy who's deceived you and is lying to his wife by associating with you.

 

My god, woman, have some self respect, come down out of the clouds, and realize this is going nowhere.

 

Find a local guy who is not married.

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Just over a year ago you were here posting about another otherworldly attraction and connection with a married man. In your shoes I would devote the energy you’re now spending thinking about another married man to asking why you’re so drawn to people who are already in committed relationships.

 

Curiously, and without judgement, I ask: Why do you think this is so appealing?

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It's a catch-22. You seek out unavailable and unsatisfying men to avoid your own issues. A real man who is available and present would require you to be real and present rather than in a fantasy situationship. Some short term therapy may help you break this cycle.

I've never been in a truly committed and satisfying relationship. I get infatuated very quickly if I like a guy and then it becomes hard for me to stop obsessing over him.
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My guess is that while you were thunderstruck, he was just going along. For a cheater your claims of mad attraction, are just low hanging fruit for him to have a little side dish.

 

Find single men to fall for. It's pretty despicable, skanky and gross to go after someone else's husband. Where is your moral compass?Just cause a low life cheater doesn't give a fig about his vows, doesn't excuse your own behavior. You may wake up one day and find you've been used and tossed away. And why shouldn't you be? This man doesn't care about his wife, why would he care about you?

 

Oh yeah... Love at first sight.

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Just over a year ago you were here posting about another otherworldly attraction and connection with a married man. In your shoes I would devote the energy you’re now spending thinking about another married man to asking why you’re so drawn to people who are already in committed relationships.

 

Curiously, and without judgement, I ask: Why do you think this is so appealing?

 

Hey it's so uncool to remember my history 😁

But you make an excellent point. I usually don't fall for people but when I do it feels overwhelming. Is it too bad? Maybe. I've some insecurities I am dealing with. I've tried so hard to find love in life but always failed.

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It's a catch-22. You seek out unavailable and unsatisfying men to avoid your own issues. A real man who is available and present would require you to be real and present rather than in a fantasy situationship. Some short term therapy may help you break this cycle.

 

It is as if you exactly know where I come from. Yes, that's about it! I seek out men who are a little unavailable and challenging in all the wrong ways. What is wrong with me?! I need to break this cycle! Easier said than done though. Interesting catch-22 reference!!

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My guess is that while you were thunderstruck, he was just going along. For a cheater your claims of mad attraction, are just low hanging fruit for him to have a little side dish.

 

Find single men to fall for. It's pretty despicable, skanky and gross to go after someone else's husband. Where is your moral compass?Just cause a low life cheater doesn't give a fig about his vows, doesn't excuse your own behavior. You may wake up one day and find you've been used and tossed away. And why shouldn't you be? This man doesn't care about his wife, why would he care about you?

 

Oh yeah... Love at first sight.

 

I guess I haven't been thinking through it. Now I have the much needed clarity. Thanks for your time and brutally honest analysis.

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Well, if you do "get" him you would have the joy of being in a relationship with a cheater. And he would be in one with what's referred to as a homewrecker.

 

Does he have kids?

 

No kids yet. But I don't want to be a homewrecker! And yes, no joy in being with a cheat!

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It's a catch-22. You seek out unavailable and unsatisfying men to avoid your own issues. A real man who is available and present would require you to be real and present rather than in a fantasy situationship. Some short term therapy may help you break this cycle.

 

Wiseman2, the only difference this time is that I thought finally I had found someone single. Trust me I didn't know he was taken. He led me on for a month before revealing that he is married. I hope I won't be criticized for falling for married men again. I had no idea.

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Hey it's so uncool to remember my history 😁

But you make an excellent point. I usually don't fall for people but when I do it feels overwhelming. Is it too bad? Maybe. I've some insecurities I am dealing with. I've tried so hard to find love in life but always failed.

 

I wouldn't use words like "bad" or even "good" to describe falling hard, or falling in general. That said, if there is a correlation between feeling something that is "overwhelming" and feeling it for someone who is married/unavailable/not local/or all of the above? Well, that's worth exploring. Stir in whatever those insecurities are you mentioned, and the rudimentary math is that you don't genuinely want believe your worth something "real," or that you simply prefer fantasy over reality. It's one way to approach all this, but it has limitations.

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