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I am not a good sleeper, I often get woken up by noises that others do not notice.

Recently my upper neighbor started being up until like 3-4 am, and sleeping until noon the next day; they have started having late night parties as well.

(Yeah, virus-house-isolation-rules & suspension from dayjob make people go crazy)

 

Now, I have already talked to him (again - had to do that like 6 months ago too), and he was apologizing heavily (again), also gave his number so that I can call him if they become too noisy.

However, even with the parties gone, there is considerably more noise at night now, and I have already began stressing out about it.

 

Last night, even though (I think) the noise would have allowed it, I still couldn't sleep, because my mind was picking up the smallest sounds, and examining it if it was the neighbors again.

This made me not being able to sleep, because I was afraid of ... not being able to sleep.

 

I suspect similar catch-22s happen to many of us (like, ruining a relationship because of being afraid to do exactly that), so I am very much hoping to get some advice about breaking this evil loop - how can one do it?

 

PS - yeah, I can still talk to the neighbor to keep in down, and he might or might not do it; I can even get help from the local community leadership who define (and hopefully enforce) the rules & the silence periods.

However, I have no idea if I succeed (this starts to be more like a lifestyle issue), so I'd like to have a plan B; also that yesterday it was more up to me & my head to let myself sleep, not up to the neighbor.

Bottom line, I appreciate any advice that addresses my main question instead.

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Have you every heard about a white noise machine? Its used to drown out noise from neighbours or external noises. You can also get an app on your phone that plays white noise or other noises at night continually, that can help drown out noises ftom neighbours.

 

If your neighbour is having parties in lockdown maybe report him. Hes putting alot of people in danger including you

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I use an online app that plays rain sounds and one that plays ocean sounds. They work great and are free. You hear the rain or the ocean and that seems to cancel out any other sounds.

 

You can download the apps for free.

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Contact your apartment manager and have him or her intervene and represent you and the other tenants regarding your neighbor's late night party noise.

 

I reside in a suburban neighborhood. On rare occasions, whenever there was a very late night party in the subdivision behind my street's tract (festivity / celebration / NYE), I called the police. Within a few minutes, suddenly all the loud music, ruckus and party goers were suddenly silenced. :D I've called the police a few times over the years and it works every time. Fortunately, I've only had to call the police less than 5 times over the decades as my neighborhood is relatively conservative, quiet and peaceful.

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Okay, actually using some noise suppression is something I have not thought about, thanks for the idea! Having the windows open is another option then ;)

 

I posted this thread under 'personal growth' because I was mostly interested in techniques that solve the knot in my head instead.

It might be possible sometimes to eliminate the original trigger of the catch-22, other times one must be able to break the loop themselves?

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I watch something uplifting or cheerful before bed. Do not watch coverage of the pandemic! Maybe an interesting program about space travel or cooking or a cute program about pets or gardening. It sends me to bed with happy thoughts. Maybe it sounds silly but it works. Also shower right before bed. I feel very relaxed after a nice warm shower.

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Talk to the landlord. Use the white noise ideas. Get earplugs, they work well. I am a light sleeper and take them when going on holiday because you never know what kind of night time noise you will encounter. They work on airplanes too, not that we need to think about that right now!

 

Small, squishy, cheap, usually yellow in colour you can get ear plugs in pharmacies, Walmart, online, lots of options.

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I get what you’re asking about negative feedback loops in your mind...

 

When I become aware of some fear creeping in these are my top three remedies:

 

1. Deep breathing exercises. Physiologically this remove biological input from the feedback loops for an immediate positive effect. Google deep breathing exercises and pick your favorite! As soon as you begin anticipating an undesirable possibility put it to work and see for yourself if it helps or not.

2. “Silver Lining” exercise. I always make it a point to remind myself that I’m only worried or anxious because I CARE. Switch the focus of your worry to the positive emotion behind the worry (such as the desire to have close and loving relationships or to be healthy and comfortable) without condemning yourself for harboring negative thoughts.

3. Practice mindfulness. Have a daily meditation practice (mine is between 10-20min each morning) will transform your entire life. Set a timer for three minutes (takes away the “did I do it? Am I done?” feeling) and just sit in the quiet. When you notice a thought, do just that: notice it and then put your attention on the breath, or a mantra. Google basic meditation techniques and pick one...do the same experiment as deep breathing: try it every morning for one week and see what happens!

 

Hope you may find something useful in my post...

 

Good luck!

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Prior to covid 19, I travelled a lot and two things make any hotel bearable for sleeping: a sleep mask and ear plugs!

 

Look for ones you don't put in your ear, but the wax kind you put outside the ear canal. That way you won't accidentally push ear wax into your ear and cause a problem.

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I normally just wear earplugs if noise is bothering me. I think whether you could make complaints to the building manager depends on what kind of actual noise the neighbour is making. I mean, you did mention you're a light sleeper and these noises wouldn't bother others. A person is allowed to stay up in their apartment until 4 a.m. or any time they wish to, it is their choice. They're not allowed to play loud music or watch TV loud very late but they are allowed just to walk around the apartment, play the TV quietly, turn taps on and off, etc, etc. I really do sympathise with you regarding the light sleeping. But if the neighbour is technically doing nothing wrong in the way of noise then it seems a bit unfair to dob them in to the apartment manager. Besides if they're doing nothing wrong then they would not be obliged to stop.

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