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What happens if she thinks he's cute but he doesn't meet her requirements?


Grizzly584
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This is an unusual twist to a topic that's been brought up often. I'm one of those reclusive types, so do not have much real-world experience to go by, but would like to change that if quarantine ends.

 

I did "luck out" in the facial-aesthetics department (not bragging, as you'll see..just explaining the circumstances). So I almost always get the stunned/attractive eyes from girls/women, repeated eye contact, etc. And they're almost always eager & willing to converse initially.

 

However, I'm only 5'8". I wouldn't think twice about this if it weren't for the consensus I've seen online...height is generally the most important physical feature, and many women have strict cutoffs here. I hadn't even thought about this for years, but then I saw a 5'9" YouTuber girl doing a Q&A session, and she was asked "would you date someone shorter than you?" She reacted with a cringe and mockery, and everyone thought it was funny. This set off an alarm for me and reactivated an old concern.

 

It seems that, if a man's on the short side, being average-looking (or below) would actually be easier. Why? Because if she's not interested, she won't send any signals (or will just reject you) and you won't waste your time. But if she's initially attracted, it will come through (because it's involuntary) and you won't be rejected outright, or right away. They might even continue acting interested, because they're still acting on their feelings (attraction) and not their numerical height requirement. Still, just based on stats, there has to be a percentage of women that have the height as a deal-breaker, no matter what they feel or what their first impression was. I already expect this if they're my height or taller...but if they're in the 5'6"-5'7" range, it's the trickiest.

 

At some point down the line, they'd have to make it known that he doesn't pass her checklist. So in this case, when she's still attracted to him instinctively, how exactly does she do the rejecting? I know from experience they don't do it when you first start talking. So would most women do it as soon as he first asks her out...or is she likely to keep 'leading him on' for a while, even to the point of dates or making out, and then find a subtle way to disappear?

 

This doesn't just apply to height...the same thing exists with income, race, and all other objective criteria the guy doesn't meet. Nothing's more frustrating than having things seem good and then disappear out of the blue. So I'm hoping I can get an idea of how to spot and prevent it ahead of time.

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You are finding a lot of shallow women! I'm 5'6" and I had a boyfriend who was about 5'2" Neither of us cared. We are still friends many decades later. It's never been an issue. It's a shame anyone would reject another person based on height. That's really a pathetic reason. It's the person themselves who matter, not their stature.

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This is an unusual twist to a topic that's been brought up often. I'm one of those reclusive types, so do not have much real-world experience to go by, but would like to change that if quarantine ends.

 

I did "luck out" in the facial-aesthetics department (not bragging, as you'll see..just explaining the circumstances). So I almost always get the stunned/attractive eyes from girls/women, repeated eye contact, etc. And they're almost always eager & willing to converse initially.

 

However, I'm only 5'8". I wouldn't think twice about this if it weren't for the consensus I've seen online...height is generally the most important physical feature, and many women have strict cutoffs here. I hadn't even thought about this for years, but then I saw a 5'9" YouTuber girl doing a Q&A session, and she was asked "would you date someone shorter than you?" She reacted with a cringe and mockery, and everyone thought it was funny. This set off an alarm for me and reactivated an old concern.

 

It seems that, if a man's on the short side, being average-looking (or below) would actually be easier. Why? Because if she's not interested, she won't send any signals (or will just reject you) and you won't waste your time. But if she's initially attracted, it will come through (because it's involuntary) and you won't be rejected outright, or right away. They might even continue acting interested, because they're still acting on their feelings (attraction) and not their numerical height requirement. Still, just based on stats, there has to be a percentage of women that have the height as a deal-breaker, no matter what they feel or what their first impression was. I already expect this if they're my height or taller...but if they're in the 5'6"-5'7" range, it's the trickiest.

 

At some point down the line, they'd have to make it known that he doesn't pass her checklist. So in this case, when she's still attracted to him instinctively, how exactly does she do the rejecting? I know from experience they don't do it when you first start talking. So would most women do it as soon as he first asks her out...or is she likely to keep 'leading him on' for a while, even to the point of dates or making out, and then find a subtle way to disappear?

 

This doesn't just apply to height...the same thing exists with income, race, and all other objective criteria the guy doesn't meet. Nothing's more frustrating than having things seem good and then disappear out of the blue. So I'm hoping I can get an idea of how to spot and prevent it ahead of time.

intetesting post. Well sorry to disappoint but there really isn't any magic trick that works on spotting every possible rejection.

 

Its like anything else, you must live in the moment, see the queues and respond in a way that increases your attractiveness to that person. What is that? Depends on the person.

 

I might suggest just not allowing yourself to be vested in the person too early on. It won't guarentee anything. This whole forum is full of people that have been unceremoniously dumped and replaced without any clues.

 

Spend time getting to know the person, find out what they are looking for, pay attention to what is important to them. try to find that bound beyond the physical.

 

edited to add: I've dated men shorter than me. I like who I like. I'm much more intetested in the person and then their appearance. you should be looking for woman with that same mindset.

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Being recluse or aloof or awkward is much more problematic than your height. Watch some videos on social skills rather than what girls on youtube think. Your personality matters and if you come off confident you'll have better luck.

she came up and touched me and asked me how I was. I remained aloof and said "fine, thanks" without even making eye contact.
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@Lambert

 

Thanks...that's all good advice. Also wondering about when the queues remain positive but you still don't meet their criteria. I guess your third paragraph addresses that. Or you could always just find out what their 'checklist' is through conversation...down the road.

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@Lambert

 

Thanks...that's all good advice. Also wondering about when the queues remain positive but you still don't meet their criteria. I guess your third paragraph addresses that. Or you could always just find out what their 'checklist' is through conversation...down the road.

I think the best thing you can do, if you don't meet someone's criteria (for any reason) is to accept it & don't try to change their criteria.

 

Instead, put your energy into finding someone that meets YOUR criteria... ie a woman that isn't hung up on the one thing that cant be changed. Its really superficial and fake... qualities that will cause problems in other areas as well.

 

Are you able to make friends easily?

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Height requirements haven't been the case based upon my experience. I've known plenty of couples past and present who are various height ranges. Character and income (socioeconomics / professions) are huge factors in successful relationships and marriages before height. Some people also factor in shared values, religion (faiths) and demographics.

 

Don't fixate on height. Concentrate and focus on what you CAN control which is observed and appreciated above all else.

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I'm one of those reclusive types

 

I have to agree with wiseman... being reclusive is a bigger problem than height.

 

But being mean-spirited is probably the biggest problem that you face:

 

But that's completely unrelated to what I asked...and even if this were a different topic, you're not going to convince anyone with your condescending smart-ass attitude. You make it sound like I've never considered a topic that I've investigated for more than a decade. Get your facts straight before giving advice.

 

That's the drawback of these forums. All it takes is one a$$hole troll to change the whole nature of the thread. Good...you insulted someone from your computer and prevented them from getting more responses. Now you can say you accomplished something during quarantine today.

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Don't take rejection personally. It's all about what you have to offer in a relationship or in other cases, marriage. Focus on character and your career and you'll be pushing through an open door, Grizzly584.

 

Personality and self confidence are all well and good as long as you can back it up with character and career.

 

From a woman's point of view, give women more credit where due. We generally don't focus on height as the primary and major decision factor.

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Instead, put your energy into finding someone that meets YOUR criteria... ie a woman that isn't hung up on the one thing that cant be changed.

 

Yep. It makes no senes to try to market yourself like laundry detergent to the masses when all you're really looking for is one right match.

 

So? What are YOUR requirements? Don't you want to hold out for great simpatico with someone who 'gets you' and shares your vision of the world and yourself? If so, skip the tap-dance around anyone with whom this is not possible, and focus instead on appreciating your own unique value for the RIGHT person.

 

Flip your idea of rejection as being about the limited vision of someone who doesn't see through the right lens rather than as being any reflection on you. Focus on who you are, stay true to that, and screen OUT anyone who wouldn't make a good match FOR YOU.

 

Head high, and you'll thank yourself later.

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I did "luck out" in the facial-aesthetics department (not bragging, as you'll see..just explaining the circumstances). So I almost always get the stunned/attractive eyes from girls/women, repeated eye contact, etc. And they're almost always eager & willing to converse initially.

 

It's not your height that is the problem. Height falls in the same category as looks. If they are "almost always eager & willing to converse initially" then height is not what gets you rejected down the line. Most likely it's something that comes up during your conversations. If your attitude and what you say come off as negative in some way, that can kill off the initial attraction and get you rejected. And yes, some women will reject you if they find out down the line that your job/income is not to their liking but my guess is that you wouldn't want to end up with a gold digger/snob either so it's for the better and it's not really something you can foresee.

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Character and job (income). Focus on those instead of height.

 

Character is enduring and women want an easy, smooth, harmonious relationship with a man. Job (income) is important because no woman wants a life of financial struggle with you. Financial hardship is not fun. No brainer there and it's not rocket science. It's common sense.

 

Height doesn't matter. Concentrate on what is important.

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Nothing's more frustrating than having things seem good and then disappear out of the blue. So I'm hoping I can get an idea of how to spot and prevent it ahead of time.

 

If things seem good, then no, what is there to spot? Unfortunately, nobody has a crystal ball. Having an attractive face is a plus, but that'll only get you entry. No guarantee you'll be allowed to stay. It usually takes dating a boatload of people to find one who is a good match. After my first marriage ended, I had to go on dates with about 30 men before I found my future husband. Because when you think about it, it's rarer to find someone where you both share chemistry, and you both meet each other's must-haves.

 

I don't know what your reclusive life is like, but a partner won't want to be the sole center of your universe, because that is smothering. If she sees that you don't have friends you hang out with, and hobbies and interests you're passionate about, that'll be a red flag for her. As far as looks, a person with a blah or negative persona will negate their good looks, and a person with a winning personality and positive outlook will boost their looks. Confidence is the biggest attractor.

 

People's preferences for physical traits are so individual, it's useless to even think about it. One guy was telling me he was set up with a woman who looked like a model, but when they went to the beach and he saw her in a bikini, he couldn't get past her weird belly button. And then he married a big boned, chubby lady, whereas some guys aren't interest in chubby ladies, and a weird belly button would be okay with them. LOL

 

When I did OLD, if I hoped for more dates with a guy but he faded away, sure, I briefly wondered what it was about me he didn't click with, but never dwelled on it and never asked him. For one, maybe I wasn't feminine enough. For another, maybe he didn't find me to be interesting conversationally. It really was a mute point, as it left me free to find a guy who was excited about me.

 

Another turn-off for a woman might be getting the sense that a guy is projecting into the future, thinking "she's the one" far too soon. Even if a person doesn't express this, a certain vibe is felt, so make sure you takes things with a one day at a time attitude.

 

If you do happen to have a female friend or a guy friend with a girlfriend, I would ask them for an honest opinion (and don't bite their heads off when they give it) as to what they observe about your behavior around others. Perhaps they see something you could work on for better results. Because focusing on height is like putting on blinders. You're very likely not seeing the big picture and making wrong assumptions about one single element. Good luck.

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