boltnrun Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 No way, if he came back I wouldn’t take him back. Just to show him that I’m adventurous and a new person So you're still trying to impress him? Do you see how that is futile and a waste? Link to comment
bluecastle Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 No way, if he came back I wouldn’t take him back. Just to show him that I’m adventurous and a new person The real adventure, the one that is authentic, is when it stops being to get someone's attention and make them feel something about you. Really give that some thought. What you're describing is being guided by your ego, which is like being stuck inside your own shadow, not so different from feeling stuck inside the shadow of someone inside a relationship. The true you is always invisible: to you, to others. Link to comment
Lambert Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 No way, if he came back I wouldn’t take him back. Just to show him that I’m adventurous and a new personI think based on your age, this is pretty normal thinking. You crave approval... but know that, even though you're an adult, the human brain's frontal lobe, which controls decisions, impulses, and other things... It doesn't fully develop until maybe your third decade... Given time, you will come to see the only opinion that really matters is your own. Until then , you probably need to look to advice, like redirecting your focus to someone better. because not only is the best revenge living well, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Seek approval from better people. Or better yet, focus on a goal of your own quietly and approve of yourself! Link to comment
Jibralta Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 I think I was probably focused on the fact that I could finally be myself around a guy. It sounds pathetic but the only reason is so he can see me and how much I’ve changed Why would he need to see that you've changed if he was someone that you could 'be yourself' around? Why are you whitewashing the reality of the relationship you actually had? Link to comment
Ash12345 Posted April 13, 2020 Author Share Posted April 13, 2020 Why would he need to see that you've changed if he was someone that you could 'be yourself' around? Why are you whitewashing the reality of the relationship you actually had? What do you mean whitewashing? Link to comment
Jibralta Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 "Whitewashing" is a painting technique that is used to make dingy things appear to be in better shape than they are. You literally paint over dirt/rust/grime with a thin coat of paint. Nothing is cleaned or repaired. In the context I am using here, it means that you are minimizing/forgetting about the bad parts of your past relationship. He didn't accept you as you were. In fact, he was embarrassed by you. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 Why can't you, your friends, family, coworkers, new bf see all that? so he can see me and how much I’ve changed Link to comment
Ash12345 Posted April 13, 2020 Author Share Posted April 13, 2020 Why can't you, your friends, family, coworkers, new bf see all that? Yeah I know but I still haven’t fully moved on yet, I’m getting there though thanks to this forum. Link to comment
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