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Guy from Tinder lied about being a student at the University I'm at. Advice?


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Matched with a guy on tinder and we've exchanged numbers. He told me he's looking for something more long term. We're thinking of going on a coffee/icecream date. He apparently goes to the same University I'm at. The other night he was talking about what he's studying and I just innocently said he should show me by sending a photo as it seemed interesting. He didn't send me a photo, bit weird I thought. I then via our Uni email checked he does not come up which probably means he's lied.

 

* possibly IT Issue? he mentioned he's second year, I'm a fourth year student so it's practically impossible that his name is not coming up but mine is.

* the name he provided matches his Instagram and Facebook, can't see him using a fake name. I tried searching his last name alone and nothing comes up.

 

Would you go through with a date? What do you suggest I do? Text him and be upfront?

 

tl;dr matched with a guy on tinder, I'm attracted/interested in him. Realised he's most likely lied about going to the University I'm at.

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There are people who are known by different names. I used to date a girl who had her dad's surname on all official documents (work docs, passport etc) but mum's surname on anything social like Facebook. Other people are known to everyone by their middle name.

 

My family is particularly strange with names - my nana's birthname was Olive but everyone called her Eunice. And my uncle's birthname was Bernard but everyone called him Mick!

 

Guess what I'm saying is just keep an open mind - it might not be as straightforward as 'he lied'.

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Other people are known to everyone by their middle name.

 

This is true for me, too. From birth, I've always been called by my middle name.

 

My legal first name is a family name my parents wanted to give me, but not use as my day-to-day name. It of course also appears on all my official ID (alongside my middle name) so if someone were to search for me only using middle name and surname, they wouldn't find anything official. They'd have to also know my first name. That was true for my university-issued ID and email account as well, way back when.

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It might be as late as August before any get togethers can safely happen. I wouldn't make any assumptions about whether or not he goes there, or whether or not his long term relationship goal is valid. Actually meeting up and getting to know a person gradually is the only way to find out who a person is.

 

I wouldn't get into a time consuming/deepening cyber space relationship before the meet up happens. Don't invest a lot of time in the unknown, because cyberspace is all fantasy.

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Could he be a scammer or catfish? Meet on campus. Ask questions before meeting.

matched with a guy on tinder, I'm attracted/interested in him. Realised he's most likely lied about going to the University I'm at.
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Be upfront about what? Doubting he's a student? Not even a single date in is a bit soon to be calling people out on what you assume is BS. People go by different nickname socially. Folks like me have multiple last names and might opt to use one professionally or for records while using another more publicly. I wouldn't assume one way or the other simply based on not finding his name or him not awkwardly sending you a picture of his homework (??).

 

Healthy skepticism is fine. Really it should just be a clean slate. There's no reason to trust or distrust someone you don't know. There are 1,001 things someone could much more easily and substantially lie about than their enrollment status at a university. You meet up, take things slow, and make a subjective choice whether you feel they're worth your trust and effort. Despite the fact a lot of people choose to ignore signs or to not pay attention, very, very few people out there are smart enough (or sociopathic enough, for that matter) to convincingly and sustainably misrepresent themselves in front of people they're familiar / intimate with.

 

It wouldn't even be much of a concentrated awareness for your part. There are things that would naturally happen which you'd eventually become suspicious were they not to. You'd meet on campus, he'd bring a bookbag if it were between classes, you'd talk about the campus or classes in a way you'd probably need to be a student to understand, you'd eventually go to his apartment or dorm and see books, meet friends who are likewise students, etc. I suppose you could be unlucky with the one in a million chance this dude went all in on a fake student persona, but in pretty much any scenario, you'd just know. And even if you still didn't trust him for whatever reason, you just wish him luck with future prospects. No real need for drama.

 

Really though, between the pandemic and the fact you're desperate enough to be asking advice on someone you haven't so much as sat down for coffee with, I think it'd benefit you to take a break and focus on yourself.

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You do have to be careful. There is a line between being safe and being paranoid. But on that note, Ted Bundy, did in fact exist.

 

Just ask questions, no reason why you can't. You're the only one who can keep yourself safe and make sure you know who you're talking to.

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What do you suggest I do? Text him and be upfront?

 

Yes. Always question.

 

Don't be afraid to ask for additional info.

 

Ask as many questions as you need to.

 

You have the right to vet people before you agree to meet them, and you should!

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If you have to play detective to this extent, it's not a good match, no matter what.

* possibly IT Issue? he mentioned he's second year, I'm a fourth year student so it's practically impossible that his name is not coming up but mine is.

* the name he provided matches his Instagram and Facebook, can't see him using a fake name. I tried searching his last name alone and nothing comes up.

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Have to disagree, Wiseman. This is the most cursory of due diligence and I would recommend any woman do at least this much before meeting a complete stranger. And I also would recommend letting someone know where she will be and who she is with if she does decide to meet him. Call me old fashioned, but it's an effed up world we live in.

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Not sure why they just don't go to videochat instead of talking about "looking for long term" or "talking about ice cream" or "apparently" goes to my Uni or "he didn't send a photo and that was weird" etc.

 

Either date straightforwardly and directly or get off the dating apps. It's that simple. All the sidestepping and tiptoeing is no closer to being safe.

 

Agree googling someone and asking specifics is a great idea but she didn't bother with that and instead assumes that her uni in-mail server is a way to verify identity.

This is the most cursory of due diligence and I would recommend any woman do at least this much before meeting a complete stranger.
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Not sure why they just don't go to videochat instead of talking about "looking for long term" or "talking about ice cream" or "apparently" goes to my Uni or "he didn't send a photo and that was weird" etc.

 

Either date straightforwardly and directly or get off the dating apps. It's that simple. All the sidestepping and tiptoeing is no closer to being safe.

 

Agree googling someone and asking specifics is a great idea but she didn't bother with that and instead assumes that her uni in-mail server is a way to verify identity.

 

Video chat doesn't establish any credibility, aside from age and looks.

 

I think was a smart move on her part to fact-check with her college's email directory. That got straight to the point.

 

However, it's not flawless, as Ian4996 and MissCanuck have pointed out.

 

And even if it had turned up his name, she still has to ask direct questions. She still has to get to know him.

 

That "looking for longterm" business is just talk, and won't be verifiable until she actually gets to know the guy over a period of time.

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I should have added that you, OP, shouldn't have told him what university you went to, nor should you be exchanging last names, addresses, and where you work until you've been meeting up and feel safe in giving that info.

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Is it possible that his Instagram and Facebook names are not real? For example, if he told you his name is "Larry David" but that's actually his first and middle name (not last name?). Or he went to your university but dropped out? It's hard to know unless you meet....

 

In any case, I don't know about dating in a pandemic... you don't know who he is exposed to and what other women he is seeing...

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Honestly, do you think he is lying because he is really 50, or he is the age he says but does not go to your school? university email means little like what others have said. You could have his spelling of his last name wrong, he goes by his middle or he doesn't have an email address if he's part time perhaps.. I would not meet him due to "stay at home" Period.

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I agree, text him and be upfront but do it diplomatically and respectfully. Don't be perceived as confrontational, rude and accusatory. If he sounds insincere and his story doesn't add up, then tell him that the date is off, wish him all the best and part ways permanently yet firmly.

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