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Married best friend stop talking to me because he thinks I told wife about his a


Buttery2
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My best friend who is married, has told me about his affairs In details.We talk about any and everything, so he is comfortable telling me these things.I don’t agree with his actions, and have told him what he does is wrong and maybe he need professional help. Recently he stopped talking to me. He went on a trip with one of his male friend and a woman that he has been having an affair with. He had only told me about going with the guy, he never mention the female.

After he got back from his trip I called and text multiple times but he never respond to my text nor call me back. Few weeks later I ran into him, he acted strange and didn’t say much. He then later text asking “why did you do it?” I was Clueless, so I asked what he was talking about. He accused me of pretending not to know. About a week ago I found out he accidentally exposed a woman in his room to his wife on video call while on his trip. And that the wife then got details about his affair with the woman.

And confronted him after he got home. All of this I didn’t even knew happen.

 

But somehow now my friend thinks that I am the person who told on him.

 

He is the type of person who sometimes don’t take accountability for things but rather look to blame others. I don’t think of him as the one who has gotten betrayed, his wife is the betrayed one.

 

Whatever my feelings are about his actions, I did not told on him, as messed up of a person that he is for all his cheating he also have good ways and we've been friends for a very long time ,we both have been there for each other in some very tough times. It bothers me that he would think I told on him after He confided those things to me.

 

We have a mutual acquaintance who had over heard me talking to him on phone about some of his behavior she later question me about what she heard but I didn’t give any info to her.. I sometimes wonder if it could be her that went to his wife.

 

As well a few people also know of his affair. But I’m the only person who has spoke up to him in the past and let him know he needs to stop.

 

He has now cut communication With me. It’s sad that our friendship is ending this way.

 

I want him to know I did not out him. Any advice on how to go about convincing him is appreciated.

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You do realize that people will judge you for the company you keep, right? Why would you want to be friends with a creep who cheats on his wife and puts her life at risk with potentially incurable diseases. Get your head screwed on straight and maybe consider higher caliber friends in the future. Talk about good bye and good riddance situation.

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Cheaters are selfish people by nature. So it is hard for them to see anyone's perspective but their own.

 

I think you are better off without this friend, but that's easy for me to say. I have reached a point in my own life, that I see how true that old adage, you are who you associate with, really is.

 

I'd actually be mad, that he didn't believe me. But there again, he is not trustworthy, therefore has no trust. The funny part is, he might really believe it could only be you. But like most liars and cheaters, he thinks he is the smartest person here and that people are not putting two and two together....

 

Be glad you're out of this situation.

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You need new friends...

 

Take this as a sign and forget about this lying pile.

 

If you are married I wonder what your wife thinks of you being friends with and by association condoning his cheating?

 

I think he did you a big favor and I am happy he got busted. Hopefully his wife gets tested for std's and kicks him out.

 

Lost

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We have a mutual acquaintance who had over heard me talking to him on phone about some of his behavior she later question me about what she heard but I didn’t give any info to her.. I sometimes wonder if it could be her that went to his wife.

 

It's also possible that his wife said that you told him rather than reveal her actual source.

 

I don't think there's anything you can do about it. And I think you're probably better off.

 

Your friend's poor choices have caused collateral damage to many people, including you.

 

Why do you want someone like this in your life?

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Every one is right in that it may serve me best to not have my friend in my life any more. But it’s a lot of up and down as far as My emotions while I was shocked and disappointed in his decisions as far as cheating because I’ve never seen him as that person, and I’m upset and hurt about the fact he is blaming me wrong fully.

 

The fact is He has been my friend for so many years since we were teens, We talk almost everyday.So it’s hard not to miss our friendship

I think I also want closure he never had a conversation with me about the situation apart from the text. And then cut communication.

 

I had to hear from someone else about what happened with his wife and that he thinks it’s me who told.

 

I feel that once I have a conversation and say how I feel, I’ll be alright.

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He is as rotten a friend as a husband. Delete and block him. Did you sleep with him too? What's your attachment to this? Why stand by and listen to the gory details of his affairs?

 

Why do you care what he thinks? Don't 'convince him" of anything, let him figure it out. Stay OUT of his marriage.

My best friend who is married, has told me about his affairs In details.We talk about any and everything, so he is comfortable telling me these things.

But somehow now my friend thinks that I am the person who told on him. It’s sad that our friendship is ending this way.

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The fact is He has been my friend for so many years since we were teens, We talk almost everyday.So it’s hard not to miss our friendship

I think I also want closure he never had a conversation with me about the situation apart from the text. And then cut communication.

 

I had to hear from someone else about what happened with his wife and that he thinks it’s me who told.

 

I feel that once I have a conversation and say how I feel, I’ll be alright.

 

Given the duration of this friendship, I understand a little more about why you value it.

 

However, we do sometimes outgrow friendships, and/or (as in the case of your friend) fail to live up to them.

 

It seems like both forms of decay are occur here. Given your friend's behavior and disposition, I don't think that you will get the closure you are looking for.

 

I think it's just time to move on.

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You don’t get closure from any external source. Closure comes when we finally decide for ourselves to fully let go. Let go of whether or not the friendship continues, let go of what he thinks of you, what mutual friends or the wife thinks, etc. sometimes it has to be enough for us to stand in our OWN truth, no matter what other people believe or say.

 

If you feel the need to defend your character you could send an email or text saying you feel it’s unfortunate that the friendship has to end over his mistaken belief that you said something. If you want to continue to be his friend you could say that you hope one day he will come around...but if you feel like this friendship is too much drama and not worth the investment, then you could just leave it as simple as the sentiment: “I’m sorry you think I said something I didn’t - but I wish you the best in the future.”

 

Just don’t hope for or expect a reply, consider it YOUR closure.

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As of today, it doesn't matter who snitched on you, who ratted you and who threw you under the bus. Even though you were made the scapegoat with your now EX-best friend's cheating and even though someone blamed you for outing your friend, at the end of the day, what matters to you is permanently disassociating and estranging yourself from this cheating friend. Yes, it's bad that you were unfairly accused but there's nothing you can do about it. There is someone among your mutual circle of friends who obviously betrayed you. Trust no one. Lesson learned.

 

"When the character of a man is not clear to you, look to his friends." Apply this proverb to yourself.

 

As for your mutual acquaintance, play it safe and keep your mouth shut. Don't write, text, post nor anything. Remain cautious especially in this Information Age. Everything you write, do and say is saved, electronic, recorded, forwarded, copied and pasted. Beware and protect yourself always. Remain superficial and never get personal with anyone otherwise you will make yourself vulnerable to harm and attack. Remain low key and stay out of the way. Live your own life.

 

You do not need to prove to him that you did not out him. You do not need to convince him. His loyalty to you shouldn't be of any importance to you. I know you wish to exonerate, defend and clear your name. However, your attempts will be an effort in futility because people will always believe what they want to believe and no amount of persuasion nor convincing will change their mind. The best thing is to let it go and walk away.

 

I've been in situations similar to yours and betrayed by a friend, family and in-law members. Pitting yourself in a losing battle gives you unnecessary turmoil every time. I've since learned to simply leave them alone and grab my right to enjoy my peaceful, tranquil life filled with handpicked, chosen, moral, high integrity, extremely honorable and classy people in my life. Try doing the same for yourself. You'll become a much more content and secure person when you deliberately change the trajectory in your life.

 

Change the way you think. Fret no more.

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You're hosed either way. You have no evidence nor proof. For all he knows, you're merely spewing hot air and the more you defend yourself, the guiltier and nuttier YOU are perceived. You'll just dig a deeper hole for yourself.

 

Self confident, secure people know how to walk away and no longer waste their time and energy on people who are worse than the dirt you stand on.

 

You've lost all respect for your best friend who should now become your EX-best friend as in yesterday!

 

You'll have more respect for yourself when you associate with only high quality people in your life from now on. All the rest has got to go just like donating old clothes to someone else. Clean up and purge. Become very selective, picky and choosy regarding the company you keep. Have discriminating tastes if you wish to become a happier, more secure, serene person.

 

My late father taught me: "Your friends are your future."

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My best friend who is married, has told me about his affairs In details.We talk about any and everything, so he is comfortable telling me these things.I don’t agree with his actions, and have told him what he does is wrong and maybe he need professional help. Recently he stopped talking to me. He went on a trip with one of his male friend and a woman that he has been having an affair with. He had only told me about going with the guy, he never mention the female.

After he got back from his trip I called and text multiple times but he never respond to my text nor call me back. Few weeks later I ran into him, he acted strange and didn’t say much. He then later text asking “why did you do it?” I was Clueless, so I asked what he was talking about. He accused me of pretending not to know. About a week ago I found out he accidentally exposed a woman in his room to his wife on video call while on his trip. And that the wife then got details about his affair with the woman.

And confronted him after he got home. All of this I didn’t even knew happen.

 

But somehow now my friend thinks that I am the person who told on him.

 

He is the type of person who sometimes don’t take accountability for things but rather look to blame others. I don’t think of him as the one who has gotten betrayed, his wife is the betrayed one.

 

Whatever my feelings are about his actions, I did not told on him, as messed up of a person that he is for all his cheating he also have good ways and we've been friends for a very long time ,we both have been there for each other in some very tough times. It bothers me that he would think I told on him after He confided those things to me.

 

We have a mutual acquaintance who had over heard me talking to him on phone about some of his behavior she later question me about what she heard but I didn’t give any info to her.. I sometimes wonder if it could be her that went to his wife.

 

As well a few people also know of his affair. But I’m the only person who has spoke up to him in the past and let him know he needs to stop.

 

He has now cut communication With me. It’s sad that our friendship is ending this way.

 

I want him to know I did not out him. Any advice on how to go about convincing him is appreciated.

 

do you really care? he sounds like a disgusting human being

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Dishonest people are equal opportunity deceivers. They don't just lie to some people but are trustworthy with others. And they tend to view everyone else through the same lens. So if I'm deceptive, I'll assume that anyone who's willing to be my friend is either stupid or equally deceptive.

 

Whenever healthy, honest people learn that someone is a liar, they drop them fast--if they are smart.

 

So be smart, clean out your contact list, and align yourself with people who prove that they are trustworthy over time.

 

You'll thank yourself later.

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Thank you Skeptic76 and Cherylyn I appreciate those sound advices, i will apply it to my life and attitude going forward

 

Yes, thank you for your kind words, Buttery2.

 

As with everything in life, all friendships or relationships, unfortunately, the best way is to learn the hard way. Live and learn.

 

Don't get hurt anymore. Mature and grow smarter! Be shrewd and prudent. You'll thank yourself for your discernment.

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