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Please help me I need to know if I’m right!


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I really need your honest opinion here.I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years.Things have been good except for the bad parts.We had seen each other in a group of friends where there is a guy who has crushes on every girl he sees.you know the type.and so this other guy had and has a crush on me.but then again this is a group of people who are friends with each other.me and my now ex started dating and it lasted 3 years.I love him and he loves me.but for the past few months I started feeling neglected,like he doesn’t pay attention to me,or that he doesn’t understand me. I tried to convince myself that this happens with time but I began to feel very lonely and neglected. I once tried to tell him that but he got mad and accused me of not loving him anymore. I’m not a person to cheat when I feel lonely but I started spending more time with these friends. And honestly every other guy seemed to care more than my boyfriend. But I never cheated on him I just talked to friends and spent more time with them. And after a while I tried to tell my boyfriend how I feel. He got mad again and told me that it’s all my fault bc I’ve been doing some stuff that made him give up on romance. Those things he mentioned was unconscious things that everybody does without meaning anything like being silent some times. And then he accused me of leaving HIM and spending time with other people. I told him that I’ve been feeling neglected for such a long time and I just tried to fill that hole with friends.He seemed like he couldn’t hear me and just kept saying that I spend time with that guy and that I should choose between them. When I said that I don’t like guys telling me what to do and what not to do he got madder and accused me that he is not important to me. I swear I have absolutely no feelings for this friend. So to sum up, I’m the real guilty one for feeling neglected and I made it worse by spending time with friends. Then he went away for a few days and I thought he had already broken up with me. But then he texted me and told me that he is lost and he is having nightmares about me and that guy bc of me not choosing him when he asked me,and that his world got upside down and stuff. I told him that we can put these things past us, even though I’ve been unhappy for a while and start spending time with each other more and start over and that I will forget. I told him that I’ll even leave that group to show him that my lack of choosing was due to not liking men tell me what to do and not my priorities. But he said no matter what I do that guy will always follow me and he will be extremely insecure. So he broke up with me. He is not a bad guy but I’ve been hurt by him several times before but I am sure that he does love me and he’s never been jealous like that before. But I’m also tired of being hurt I just wanna be happy in my relationship. And I’m not perfect either I can be hard to handle too. The problem is, at first he’s always the dream man in books,does spectacular things for me then gets somehow annoyed because I don’t appreciate them.Like before he got vegetarian for me even though I asked him not to and when we were breaking up last time, he called me ungrateful. Then he came back and apologized and promised to never do it again and to never ignore me. But then somehow it happened. I’m sure there is a side to his story too. But even though I was unhappy and wanted to break up with him I couldn’t do it. But he did it because some other guy likes me and he can’t stand it. Please tell me your idea it really can clear my mind.

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I'd respond but I can't really follow this without paragraphs and organizing your thoughts. Is this guy an ex or are you together?

 

Im very new to this so I’m not sure if I replied to you last time correctly or this is how you reply🤔 Anyways I’m just gonna repeat myself. We broke up last night

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He sounds like a possessive controlling jerk. Talk to a trusted adult about his behavior. Delete and block him. Read up on red flags for dating: https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/teendatingviolence/fastfact.html

except for the bad parts.

I started feeling neglected

he got mad and accused me of not loving him anymore.

he accused me of leaving HIM and spending time with other people.

he got madder and accused me that he is not important to me.

he said no matter what I do that guy will always follow me and he will be extremely insecure.

I’m also tired of being hurt

he called me ungrateful

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I am an adult, I’m 25. I’m just messed up and I think I must have expressed myself badly, partly because english is my third language. I don’t think that he is a jerk, he wasn’t a bad boyfriend for me overall. But I agree with you about the red flags. I guess you can never take them seriously. Thank you for your reply

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He's very manipulative and controlling. You're obviously not allowed to be unsatisfied. He turns everything around on you as if you're to blame for all of it. If you fight back, he dumps you. Sounds miserable. You should get rid of this jerk.

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This sounds like a relationship that teaches you about what you don't want in a partner. Sure he might have had his good sides, but....the bad ones are really bad.

 

You tried to talk to him about how you feel and his response was to blameshift and gaslight you and make you feel bad about yourself. That's really controlling, manipulative kind of behavior. When you cannot communicate with your partner because this is how he will react, you don't have a relationship you can work with in the long run.

 

The other part of it is you need to learn how to break up instead of waiting to become so miserable that you start seeking attention elsewhere even though you aren't cheating. When friends and even strangers seem more caring than your SO....it's your clue that your relationship is broken. Since you tried to talk to him and that wasn't going anywhere, it was time to end things. You have to learn to let go.

 

Please don't get together with this guy yet again. Just don't. Long past due to move on. I know that right now you are hurting and it's all raw and hugs to you, but this break up is a blessing in the long run. You are right that you need to seek a relationship where you can be happy and this guy cannot be that.

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