Jealous fiancé. what do i do?

[SherrySher]

Sorry to hear this. Do you live together? If so your family is visiting way too much. Go there and stop allowing all these intrusions. Your partner should not have to entertain, pay for food and clean up after your family especially this often.

 

Why won't your family invite you over if you are that close? Why do they have no boundaries and intrude that often? Do not get married until you have extensive (premarital) counselling about appropriate family (in-law) boundaries.

 

Yes.

 

If my boyfriend's family members showed up a couple times a week, I would lose patience, too.

 

That's a lot. Once a week is a lot.

 

I lost patience just reading his post. But on a more serious note..it sounds way way too much. It's not fair on your girlfriend at all.

[SherrySher]

Every two weeks...OP, you're not getting it. Many families only get together on holidays. Your family is suffocating.

[Jibralta]

If i act the way my partner does towards for family would that be a good thing.

 

This is a question that you need to ask her. Your relationship is with her. If you don't like her disposition, you should not be with her.

 

If you have read my previous post you will see that i am not welcome to her family home even tho we get on well.

 

Not sure what your point is here. You get on well with her family. What's the problem? It's their home. They are entitled to run it in the way that they see fit.

 

Everybody does not have to be like you and your family. You and your family do not have to be like everyone else. You either manage to get along or you don't.

 

As stated in previous post my family would visit regularly in the very beginning (first few months of our relationship. After that they only visit once every two weeks.

 

You actually didn't state anywhere that the visits tapered down to once every two weeks. However, I would still find that to be excessive.

 

My partner still acts very moody and isolates herself. In your opinion is showing respect and love in this short amount of time to make this relationship work unreasonable.

 

I would be moody too, if you treated me like the family servant and lectured me upwards of 2x per week about my poor attitude. And then called my family weird and me jealous and friendless?

 

The real problems started two years into the relationship when families got involved..... I have spoken to my partner 100s of times about this but nothing has changed.

 

she has now started coming up with the most ridiculous reasons for not liking my mother and my younger sister who is 5 years old by the way.

 

Your younger brother kept asking for chrisps when they visited.

Your sister is makes a mess and your mother does not clean up her mess before she leaves (the mess being a few toys)

 

Sheesh, I wouldn't even be there any more!

 

You should count yourself lucky.

[Wiseman2]

You can point fingers at this gf, but if your family is overbearing this will be a problem no matter who you are with.

After a short while my mother, younger brother and younger sister would visit a couple of times a week. Of course my mother and brother noticed this. I have made many excuses for my partner as i wouldnt want to upset my family. I have spoken to my partner 100s of times about this but nothing has changed.

[DancingFool]

Every two weeks...OP, you're not getting it. Many families only get together on holidays. Your family is suffocating.

 

It may be so to you and to his gf, but that's kind of the point. This would not be an issues to everyone. This is literally not a who is right and who is wrong or whose family is bad, this is a serious, major incompatibility issue between the OP and his gf and not something that can be overlooked. OP has spend 8 years trying to sweep this under the rug without success because all he is doing is pounding a square peg into a round hole hoping that this time, this time it will magically fit.

 

Neither OP nor his family nor his gf nor her family are wrong, weird or bad when it comes to family relationships, they are simply too polar opposite to bridge and when you haven't managed it in 8 years? It's not going to happen now. It's been a point of constant friction since day one and telling himself that he overlooked this among many other huge, massive behavior issues and jealousies because he is so in love and so caring is quite frankly absurd on the OP's part. If they were both early 20's this kind of "but I love" could be understood for being young, immature and inexperienced with life, but at 38? Not so much.

[SherrySher]

Definitely agree, Dancing Fool.

 

You two are incompatible in that way.

You either accept how it is and somehow work to fix it by changing things and not having your family over so much or you find a new girlfriend.

Honestly, there is no other choices here.