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Is it lieing or cheating


Rubia

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I am just wondering is it cheating if I was seeing this girl for 7 weeks before my J1 in Santa Monica. I told her I wouldn't get with anyone but we weren't in a official relationship. While over there I slept with one girl towards the end.?

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We only started dating 7 weeks before I went and she made it clear she wouldn't go out with me until I came back. She never asked if I got with anyone so should I tell her

 

" I told her I wouldn't get with anyone"

 

This is a lie because you told her you wouldn't but you did anyway.

 

I ask again...did you use a condom?

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Yeah but if I tell her she'll get rid of me and I don't want to lose her, she's never asked if I got with anyone when I was away and never said I couldn't. I was pushing for a relationship before I went and am glad she said no until I came back.

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Yeah but if I tell her she'll get rid of me and I don't want to lose her, she's never asked if I got with anyone when I was away and never said I couldn't. I was pushing for a relationship before I went and am glad she said no until I came back.

 

But you told her you wouldn't! That is lying by omission.

 

Just because she didn't ask doesn't mean you aren't hiding a very important fact from her.

 

Go ahead and lie and see how you feel about yourself a few months down the road.

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We only started dating 7 weeks before I went and she made it clear she wouldn't go out with me until I came back. She never asked if I got with anyone so should I tell her

 

7 weeks is still a long time because it's almost 2 months. She made it clear that she wouldn't go out so you should've returned the same courtesy and respect and done likewise. She shouldn't have to ask you if you got with anyone because you need to learn the honor and trust code between two people. It's called common sense.

 

Never betray anyone's trust nor play the deceit game because in the end, you'll lose every time not to mention you'll lose self-respect for yourself, too. Be a moral person for life and it will take you a long way. Do the right thing and have a conscience. You'll thank yourself in the long run.

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The way I read this is OP was pushing for a relationship, but the lady declined to engage until after he comes back. Smart lady really. Since he didn't have a relationship, there was no cheating. Sure he might have made some promises while he was pressuring her that he obviously didn't keep, but I personally would take promises like that with a grain of salt, especially since there was no relationship while he was gone. I'd really file his "promises" under marketing fluff.

 

I'm speaking strictly from a personal perspective here, but if I met a guy I like, we dated, but then he was going to be gone for an extended period of time for work in another country, I would not agree to an exclusive relationship and leave it open for a let's see where we are when he is back. Any claims of fidelity, I'd personally dismiss as bs and would do exactly as this lady is doing - don't ask, don't tell. We weren't dating, we weren't exclusive and I wouldn't be expecting someone abroad to be living a celibate life. So when he is back, if I'm still single and we are both interested, we can pick up where we left off but that's about it.

 

On that note, I wouldn't call this cheating and no, I don't think he needs to tell her anything. They weren't together. Telling her falls under TMI. There is no reason to discuss what you did previously with other people with a new person you are dating.

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I can't speak for everyone. However, had I dated my husband for almost 2 months exclusively and if he had a fling with another woman during those 7 weeks, it's over and I'm so done.

 

7 weeks is a critical and crucial period of getting to know one another and just as the new relationship is beginning to take footing, get established and flourish, he bolts and has a one night stand with another woman? If this is the case, there's something truly insincere about the entire 7 week exclusive dating relationship. It's as if the guy has a roving eye already which is alarming to say the least.

 

The "don't ask don't tell" mantra is deceitful behavior which is dishonest and hidden. It's sneaky. Someone like that is better off being with a woman will treat him the same exact way and then they can call it even. Have the woman date for 7 weeks, sleep with another guy and then get back with the original guy whom she was dating for 7 weeks. Then they will be cut from the same cloth. They are the same and can relate much better because both behaviors match exactly.

 

Don't date for 7 weeks, sleep with another woman only to return to your original woman whom you've been seeing exclusively for 7 weeks otherwise you're a player and not serious about anybody.

 

Then on top of that, you promised you wouldn't and decided to lie to her anyway. What a guy! :eek:

 

Once a liar, always a liar. :upset: There is zero trust forever.

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Il admit I did lie and will look for forgiveness. But I won't be telling her as stated above by dancing fool we weren't official together and if I told her now it would ruin it and I don't want to lose her, I won't do it again and I haven't since we became official which was 5 months ago

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Il admit I did lie and will look for forgiveness. But I won't be telling her as stated above by dancing fool we weren't official together and if I told her now it would ruin it and I don't want to lose her, I won't do it again and I haven't since we became official which was 5 months ago

 

The problem with lying is there is no such thing as "forgive and forget." Forgive? Maybe if you're lucky. Forget? NEVER. This is where the distrust issues begin and stay permanently, unfortunately. Once a person loses trust in another person, all respect is gone forever.

 

Deceit is just as bad as lying. Deceit is a betrayal of trust.

 

If you want her to be your official girlfriend, you're the one who has to live with your guilty conscience. Be a moral man from this day forward and perhaps you'll have a chance to be a decent boyfriend to her. Just don't mess this up again. Be the type of honorable man you can be proud of and same with your girlfriend.

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why would you say you wont be with anybody else if you are not exclusive or in a commited relationship?

 

it feels like you wanted to be exclusive and before that this last encounter happenned.

 

if you feel being exclusive with your gf is not natural or something you really feel genuinely about, be open about what happenned to your girlfriend and let her decide.

 

its not a very good situation to be in but be honest with yourself, do what is right for you.

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