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Left my boyfriend!


Hannah97

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I have been with my partner for several months. He has children with his ex so i always knew she would always be a part of his life. Thats fine. I was prepared for that. What i was not prepared for was for her blaming me for every problem and argument they have had since me and him got together. Yesterday i had enough and i messaged her to tell her to stop putting everything on me.

 

She tried to argue but i told her i was not going to argue with her. She then proceeded to tell me that they were still together at the time we got together. I did not know this. At first i told her i did not believe her but she sent me screenshots of messages between the two of them, some being him declaring his love for her.

 

She then sent me screenshots of messages between the 2 of them about sex and their sex life, the dates of these showed they were sent months after we got together.

 

I asked for more to see what else had been said and so that i could confront him. She still continued to blame me for coming between him and their children. I told her i was leaving him so that should solve that problem. She said if he knew it was her that caused it that he would pull even further away from the children so i made up another reason when i spoke to him.

 

For the last 6 months i have been lead to believe that she has stopped him seeing the children and that she is basically the devil in disguise. After speaking to her and seeing all the screenshots of everything i now know this is not the case and that she was right when she has been telling me he has been lying to us both.

 

When i told her i had left him, minutes after it had happened, her reply was that he had already told her. They were arguing only 10 minutes before hand.

 

Anyways my question is now that i have ended things and left him to go back to my mums, when is a good time to change my relationship status? I already changed my profile pic from the 2 of us whilst talking to his ex as i knew i was ending things. He changed his from the 2 of us this morning.

 

Im so heartbroken. I really did love him and we have overcome alot already in our relationship. I am sure he will now go running back to her saying what a mistake he has made.

I thought i knew him but it turns out i didnt know him at all and none of his mates told me he was engaged when we started talking, it was even one of his best friends who pushed us together. I am absolutely in bits right now. I now see why she has hated me from the start, i thought she was just a typical bitter jealous ex. We were staying else where for the lockdown so i still need to go back to his to collect my things too as i have been living there for the last few months

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Anyways my question is now that i have ended things and left him to go back to my mums, when is a good time to change my relationship status? I already changed my profile pic from the 2 of us whilst talking to his ex as i knew i was ending things.

Is this your question for us??

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Honestly, no one I know publicly changes their relationship status anymore unless it's something big like an engagement or having gotten married. The "in / out of a relationship, it's complicated, etc." fad seems to be over. If you're so worried, you can just hide it from your profile. No drama and you'll avoid the avalanche of thirsty DMs falling on top of you.

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Immediately delete and block him and all his people from all your messaging apps, social media and devices. He played you and cheated on her. Sadly the relationship was a sham. It's not about her, he's the snake in the grass here.🐍

i have ended things and left him to go back to my mums, when is a good time to change my relationship status? none of his mates told me he was engaged when we started talking
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Honestly, no one I know publicly changes their relationship status anymore unless it's something big like an engagement or having gotten married. The "in / out of a relationship, it's complicated, etc." fad seems to be over. If you're so worried, you can just hide it from your profile. No drama and you'll avoid the avalanche of thirsty DMs falling on top of you.

 

I still have it that he is tagged in it stating in a relationship with him

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I still have it that he is tagged in it stating in a relationship with him
It doesn't matter. You can hide it and then change it. It doesn't put it on your timeline or anything. Unless you want the attention; then go for it whenever you want. I'm not judging. I'm just assuming the publicity is why you're hesitant to change it.
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It doesn't matter. You can hide it and then change it. It doesn't put it on your timeline or anything. Unless you want the attention; then go for it whenever you want. I'm not judging. I'm just assuming the publicity is why you're hesitant to change it.

 

It is, yes. I dont really want it to be public knowledge just yet and also i feel quite heartless by removing it straightaway especially considering i told him i had cheated when i left. I didnt, but i didnt want to involve his ex incase it caused more problems with the children and this way i knew he wouldnt fight to stop me going

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It is, yes. I dont really want it to be public knowledge just yet and also i feel quite heartless by removing it straightaway especially considering i told him i had cheated when i left. I didnt, but i didnt want to involve his ex incase it caused more problems with the children and this way i knew he wouldnt fight to stop me going

 

You feel heartless? This man has been lying to you and cheating on you.

 

I also am quite astonished to hear that you lied to him about cheating on him, though I assume this was an attempt to hurt him the way he has hurt you. Not being honest about knowing about the affair is silly. You can't cause him to pull away from his children. That is all on him. Who cares what his ex wants? She sure didn't care about your best interests, until it became too inconvenient for her to continue hiding the fact he's been cheating on you with her. She is no saint either, so I am not sure why you're doing what she says. Where's your backbone, girl?

 

Get all of these people out of your life. When you change your status is up to you, and makes little different to the outcome. So, do it whenever you feel ready to acknowledge to people that your relationship is over.

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You feel heartless? This man has been lying to you and cheating on you.

 

I also am quite astonished to hear that you lied to him about cheating on him, though I assume this was an attempt to hurt him the way he has hurt you. Not being honest about knowing about the affair is silly. You can't cause him to pull away from his children. That is all on him. Who cares what his ex wants? She sure didn't care about your best interests, until it became too inconvenient for her to continue hiding the fact he's been cheating on you with her. She is no saint either, so I am not sure why you're doing what she says. Where's your backbone, girl?

 

Get all of these people out of your life. When you change your status is up to you, and makes little different to the outcome. So, do it whenever you feel ready to acknowledge to people that your relationship is over.

 

She didnt know about our relationship when they were speaking that way, or atleast not from the texts she showed me. She showed me when he told her about us and it was after the dates on the sex texts. And as far as i am aware they argued ever since she found out so i believe her. I know i dont owe her anything and since finding out about us she has blamed me for everything but i feel like i have caused pain to their children and do not want to be the cause of more

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This is where your thinking is flawed. He is causing pain to his children, not you.

 

I know but i feel i have enabled that to happen. I just don't know what to think anymore. My head is all over the place. I feel so stupid that i didn't check that he was single but i knew his mates, they introduced us and no one told me he was engaged. She doesn't believe i didn't know, just as i am sure no one else will either. I don't know where to go from here

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She didnt know about our relationship when they were speaking that way, or atleast not from the texts she showed me. She showed me when he told her about us and it was after the dates on the sex texts. And as far as i am aware they argued ever since she found out so i believe her. I know i dont owe her anything and since finding out about us she has blamed me for everything but i feel like i have caused pain to their children and do not want to be the cause of more

 

Look, she has a child with him and no doubt it's hell for her right now, finding out that the guy she bred with, the guy she is engaged to is a lying, cheating, double life leading sociopath. She is going through a great deal of pain and denial and unlike you, she is tied to this psycho for 18 years give or take. So it's not surprising she is putting the blame on you right now, rather than facing the music and who the real culprit is. No doubt he is also doing a whole lot of dancing around this, lying, and gaslighting her.

 

You telling her you are out of this is very very smart, wise, intelligent, and otherwise super awesome move. As for social media? Eff it. Tell your close friends the truth because you want their support and need some cheerleaders in your corner. As for everyone else - you can change your status any time you want, but do yourself a huge favor and block him and anyone connected to him from all of your social media. You do not need these toxic low lives in your life. He clearly surrounds himself with scum who facilitate his lying and cheating. If you simply want to digest in private - then just hide your status entirely and that will take care of things and just keep it that way permanently. This way you never have to have this dilemma because at the end of the day, people in your life who need to know, already know and everyone else doesn't matter.

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Anyways my question is now that i have ended things and left him to go back to my mums, when is a good time to change my relationship status?

 

Change it when it happens! Why delay? It's not like the fate of the world is resting on the outcome of this relationship.

 

For the last 6 months i have been lead to believe that she has stopped him seeing the children and that she is basically the devil in disguise. After speaking to her and seeing all the screenshots of everything i now know this is not the case and that she was right when she has been telling me he has been lying to us both.

 

Well, you've learned an important life lesson: Men who have this much to say about their exes are bad news.

 

I asked for more to see what else had been said and so that i could confront him. She still continued to blame me for coming between him and their children. I told her i was leaving him so that should solve that problem. She said if he knew it was her that caused it that he would pull even further away from the children so i made up another reason when i spoke to him.

 

Honestly, that was probably a very smart move on your part. Disengage. Don't get more tangled up in the personal mess of these two slobs.

 

Im so heartbroken. I really did love him and we have overcome alot already in our relationship. I am sure he will now go running back to her saying what a mistake he has made. I thought i knew him but it turns out i didnt know him at all and none of his mates told me he was engaged when we started talking, it was even one of his best friends who pushed us together.

 

Totally understandable. It sucks, but everyone isn't interested in the best interests of others. Some people actually enjoy undermining them. Those people suck at life.

 

It may seem unbelievable at this moment and for some time into the future, but you are actually in a way better position now that you were when you were with him.

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I just feel so lost right now. Like an absolute fool. I dont know why i didnt check for myself that he was single. His ex said it was public on his facebook page that he was engaged to her but i just never looked. And the way he said it when i confronted him after we got together and found out he was with someone, when he said they were over he made it seem like it was not a recent thing. Yet i found out they werent even over at the time and he was still telling her how in love with her he was. Everything i thought i knew about him seems to have been a lie. She said she is not what he has made her out to be and that he is not what he jas made himself out to be and looking at the messages between them and the things that have happened, she is right. Even after telling her we were over she was still cold and i would say filled with hate towards me but she even asked if i was ok. I can not believe either that even though they were arguing at the time and had been for days prior, that within minutes of me leaving him he had already told her. It took him months to tell her we were together, he used to tell me she would cause no end of grief if she saw us together when i dropped him to see the children, that he used to be carwful never to mention my name so as not to cause arguments and then it only took him a matter of minutes to tell her i had ended things.

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Sorry i keep posting i just feel i have no one to talk to right now as i don't want everyone knowing just yet. I'm still processing. I still haven't changed my status yet so it still says in a relationship with him. Why hasn't he changed it on his side yet? Is he holding out hope of getting back together?

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Even if you insist on keeping it 'social media official" after the breakup, it will not bring him back.

 

I dont want him back. It was me that left him. I just dont know when is an appropriate time as i dont want to seem heartless and also dont want everyone knowing just yet but i dont want him holding out hope either

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I dont know why i didnt check for myself that he was single.

 

Because it's normal to trust other people. Were you supposed to hire a private detective?

 

You took him at face value. That doesn't make you stupid.

 

His ex said it was public on his facebook page that he was engaged to her but i just never looked. And the way he said it when i confronted him after we got together and found out he was with someone, when he said they were over he made it seem like it was not a recent thing. Yet i found out they werent even over at the time and he was still telling her how in love with her he was.

 

Yes, it would have helped you to check Facebook, but he can lie on Facebook just as surely as he can lie to your face.

 

But let's imagine that you see a discrepancy like this in the future. What will you do? Now you know to run the other way!!

 

Everything i thought i knew about him seems to have been a lie. She said she is not what he has made her out to be and that he is not what he jas made himself out to be and looking at the messages between them and the things that have happened, she is right.

 

Imagine what he's saying about you!

 

You gotta cut these people off. What happened here sucks and it's painful, I know.

 

Unfortunately, there isn't an insta-off for the pain. It will take time to fade. But you will feel better, I promise.

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I dont want him back. It was me that left him. I just dont know when is an appropriate time as i dont want to seem heartless and also dont want everyone knowing just yet but i dont want him holding out hope either

 

Heartless? The guy lied and cheated, there is another woman and a child getting hurt by this and you think removing your status would be heartless? Sweetie, remove it now because not removing it is what is heartless. Remove right now. Stop this craziness. When you do what is actually right you'll feel better, take your power back. When you are sitting here diddling away at the idea....your motivations are starting to look suspect....and you are just hurting yourself more by dragging this out when you don't need to at all.

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Won't you be embarrassed when your contacts notice the guy you tagged as "in a relationship with", is actually engaged to someone else? Delete and block him and all his people from all your social media, messaging apps and devices. Your people can easily see that his social media reflects that he is engaged to someone and had a family with her. Do some damage control.

I dont want him back. It was me that left him. I just dont know when is an appropriate time as i dont want to seem heartless and also dont want everyone knowing just yet but i dont want him holding out hope either
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Won't you be embarrassed when your contacts notice the guy you tagged as "in a relationship with", is actually engaged to someone else? Delete and block him and all his people from all your social media, messaging apps and devices. Your people can easily see that his social media reflects that he is engaged to someone and had a family with her. Do some damage control.

 

They havent been together. I found out the were still together at the start of our relationship but he ended things with her soon after we got together. He didn't tell her about us for some time though and it was only after that that she started to send me messages blaming me for everything that had happened between them and for the pain it was causing their children.

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