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So my relationship of 7 years just ended today officially. I don't even know where to start with healing my heart. I have had my heart broken before but never this bad. The pain feels like it will never end. And yes I know the saying that time heals all wounds but right now it's hard to see that. I don't have any support system, my ex-boyfriend was it for me so basically, I have no one and going through this alone. Just really wishing I wasn't even here anymore.

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So my relationship of 7 years just ended today officially. I don't even know where to start with healing my heart. I have had my heart broken before but never this bad. The pain feels like it will never end. And yes I know the saying that time heals all wounds but right now it's hard to see that. I don't have any support system, my ex-boyfriend was it for me so basically, I have no one and going through this alone. Just really wishing I wasn't even here anymore.

 

You don't have any family members or friends you can talk to?

 

Maybe it would help to get some of it off your chest here. What happened that led to the break-up?

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Unfortunately, I don't. Pretty much alone. During our relationship, I was pretty selfish in regards to what we did during our time. I made it about me a lot of the time and when I made the change, it was already too late. He said he tried for many months to hang on in hopes that I would change but it came too late. Sa He said he needed to do what was best for himself and step away because this relationship no longer made him happy.

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Sorry this is happening. These are difficult isolates times. Anyone who wants you to change doesn't really belong in your life. Be yourself. Reconnect and reach out to friends, family, coworkers, schoolmates, etc. Ask how people are doing, etc. Join some online groups and organizations that reflect your interests.

He said he tried for many months to hang on in hopes that I would change He said he needed to do what was best for himself and step away because this relationship no longer made him happy.
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Heartbreak hurts SO bad. I’m sorry. Personally I like to promise myself that I will, to the best of my ability, “mother myself” and practice all the self-love I can muster for a week. For me that includes giving myself permission to just feel heartbroken.

 

So it looks like “I am going to care for myself by brushing my teeth this morning even though I don’t want to get out of bed....but then I am not going to beat myself up if I have to cry into a pillow for five minutes afterwards.”

 

I have this brain that tells me “it’s always going to be this way” when things are bad (and when they are good, too! Haha) But the reality is that I probably won’t feel the same in five days, five weeks or five months. In the meantime I really just have to focus on being mentally gentle with myself while I grieve. It’s natural to analyze the relationship to see where things went wrong, just don’t let that be an excuse for beating yourself up...he wasn’t perfect and certainly made his share of mistakes too.

 

I hope you catch your breath frequently and make your mind up to heal, no matter how painful or haltingly the progress

 

Best wishes!

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My heart goes out to you. While grief is natural, it can feel freakishly painful. It might be some comfort to know that that's a universal experience rather than a sign of weakness. Nobody 'does' grief well.

 

Consider researching the 5 stages of grief, a theory first promoted by Elisabeth Kubler Ross as a study of death and dying. It's since been adopted by therapists as a way for people to understand grief over losses of any kind. The 'stages': denial, bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance, are not neat and linear. They are more like a mish-mosh of cycles that can be absorbing or fleeting or even combined at times. They tend to cycle back around until we work through them, but acceptance tends to last for longer and longer periods as we heal.

 

You may want to consider investing in trust that you WILL heal, regardless of how impossible that may be to imagine. Given this difficult time of worldwide isolation, you may want to reach out to people from your past just to check in and learn how they are. This will come off as a perfectly natural inquiry, as so many people are reconnecting and reinvesting in relationships that had diverged for whatever reason. Hotlines for free emotional support are also being set up, so you may want to consider researching those.

 

And then there's always us. You're welcome to journal here (there's a private place for that on this site) or use this thread to see how we might help you work through this time.

 

Holding you in my thoughts.

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I have reached out to some people but all I really get in response is "just move on". As if it were so simple. Makes me feel a million times worse and many times I just feel like I can't deal with this pain anymore. All those memories, plans, all gone just like that. Truth be told, I'd much rather be dead than deal with this.

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I have reached out to some people but all I really get in response is "just move on". As if it were so simple. Makes me feel a million times worse and many times I just feel like I can't deal with this pain anymore. All those memories, plans, all gone just like that. Truth be told, I'd much rather be dead than deal with this.

 

If you are truly feeling suicidal please reach out for help. Your friends and family probably don't realize how despondent you are.

 

I know if one of my friends told me she or he would rather be dead I would not brush them off or minimize their concerns.

 

Please do reach out for help.

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I have reached out to some people but all I really get in response is "just move on". As if it were so simple. Makes me feel a million times worse and many times I just feel like I can't deal with this pain anymore. All those memories, plans, all gone just like that. Truth be told, I'd much rather be dead than deal with this.

 

Reaching out to people is to form new relationships with THEM, not expecting them to heal our pain. They can't. Most people are not equipped to comfort properly, muchless comfort someone who isn't even close to them.

 

So the idea is to help yourself normalize by rekindling older neglected relationships and to form new ones. My goal is to make it about them, not me. I don't exactly have the energy to be 'on' when I'm grieving, anyway, so that actually helps me to become a better listener and has transformed my relationships to become more balanced.

 

When we can invest in people beyond ourselves, we learn a new value. It's hard while we're all isolating, but speaking with people to catch up and learn about their lives is a way of showing up for them. It doesn't make sense to wait until we feel like it, because emotions follow behaviors, not the other way around. When we behave 'as if' we are healed and invested in other people, be become healed and invested in other people.

 

If you are focusing on death, think of the thousands of people on respirators right now who would gladly trade places with you. Consider a personal goal of surprising everyone, including yourself, with your resilience and ability to grow beyond this and recover to live the kind of full and healthy life that you can't fathom right now.

 

Every baby step in the right direction is a step in the right direction.

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I have reached out to some people but all I really get in response is "just move on". As if it were so simple. Makes me feel a million times worse and many times I just feel like I can't deal with this pain anymore. All those memories, plans, all gone just like that. Truth be told, I'd much rather be dead than deal with this.

 

To clarify, are these people you had previously lost touch with?

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To clarify, are these people you had previously lost touch with?

 

Yeah, I mean, if these were people who were cut off from your life in favor of the guy who has since cut you off, it's not really realistic to expect sympathy from them.

 

If you need help with grief, research your options for finding a professional who can address your grief. But the goal of forming new connections with people you've either neglected or haven't met yet is to form new relationships. You can't do that if you're using your grief as a barrier to doing that.

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To be fair, you can't really expect people you distanced yourself from to be very supportive now. If you didn't maintain ties I can understand why they're not too eager to be your shoulder to cry on.

 

I get that. I am just feeling really alone because now the one person that I leaned on for support is no longer there. My fault I guess at the end of the day.

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I get that. I am just feeling really alone because now the one person that I leaned on for support is no longer there. My fault I guess at the end of the day.

 

Give that everyone is isolated right now, consider researching emotional support resources on the Internet. Meanwhile, reach out to those with whom you want to rekindle a family or friend relationship and see what kind of support you can be to them.

 

In order to have a friend, we need to BE a friend. Focus on doing your part of that equation. It's the only way to learn your way back from the social isolation you built around one partner. You recognize that that was a mistake, so begin fixing it now.

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