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Do you ever feel like your partner is incapable of small tasks ?


BCC123

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I am wondering if I’m too critical but sometimes I feel as if my partner is incapable of small tasks like dosing medicine or heating up leftovers or making a sandwich or cleaning the toilet properly? Sometimes I think he is child like and I get annoyed.

 

Is this normal?

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When it comes to partnership, I prefer to think in terms of "Does this work for me?" rather than "Is this normal?"

 

So maybe let's rephrase things and ask: Do these thoughts about your boyfriend—the sense that he is incapable of small tasks—work for you? And, if not, what have you done to address them, to make things more workable or at least see if you two can genuinely work together?

 

Personally, what you're describing wouldn't work for me. My threshold for getting bent out of shape about the way someone lives their life—how they clean a toilet or heat up food—is minimal.

 

Can I ask how long you've been together and if you're living together?

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No, you're not too critical. He should be able to dose his own medicine, make a sandwich and clean the toilet. If he can't, he sounds like a helpless toddler.

 

The problem with incapability of doing small tasks is that small tasks add up and make daily life more hassle than it needs to be.

 

Don't nag him. He is who he is and you're stuck with a lazy slob. Either accept him as he is warts and all or find a man who knows how to do daily common sense tasks.

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Yeah, no. Because if I really regarded my partner with the same respect I afford a toddler, I wouldn't be with her. I mean seriously, you're on here ****ing on the guy for menial tasks. And hell, it might be deserved. But if you're at the point you're Gossip Girl xoxo'ing to total strangers because he can't properly wipe down is pee dribbles, I don't know what to tell you.

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Well, my husband does menial tasks because I'm certainly not going to silently do all the dirty work for him. Same with my sons. Everyone pulls their weight in our household. I'm not a magic fairy who will quietly clean up after everyone's messes, dispense their meds, make their sandwiches, etc. Everyone should be responsible to run the household as it does not get done by magic nor by an unpaid servant. Need meds? Get it yourself. Hungry? Make yourself a sandwich. Make a mess in the restroom? Clean up after yourself. No one wants to live with a lazy slob. Do your part otherwise a bitter fight is brewing which can be easily avoidable if everyone cooperated to keep a clean, organized house and run the house like a well oiled machine.

 

OP, I hope you will have a smoother, more compatible partner. Either he needs to change or you'll have to remain patient with a selfish, self-centered, lazy slob. Either he goes or you go. Some guys will never change and they'll expect you to always pick up the slack. If this is the case, he's still a boy and not a man.

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yeah, no. Because if i really regarded my partner with the same respect i afford a toddler, i wouldn't be with her. I mean seriously, you're on here ****ing on the guy for menial tasks. And hell, it might be deserved. but if you're at the point you're gossip girl xoxo'ing to total strangers because he can't properly wipe down is pee dribbles, i don't know what to tell you.

 

 

lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Your partner is not incapable of small tasks. If you have told him how you feel then he is making the choice not to do them. He can't (won't) heat leftovers properly? Take an amount for you, heat your properly and leave him to his. Make your own sandwich and let him make his own.

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Your partner is not incapable of small tasks. If you have told him how you feel then he is making the choice not to do them. He can't (won't) heat leftovers properly? Take an amount for you, heat your properly and leave him to his. Make your own sandwich and let him make his own.

 

I do this not because he can't because we divide things up differently - he was able to fix my computer the other day despite not being an IT person and if he goes to the store I get 10 texts about which brand to buy. He's able to help my son with math and puts the garbage bag liner in our can better than I can but would have no clue which linens go on our son's bed. If he ran a wash it would be at night when it's inconvenient for us (because we're typically sleeping/he's a night owl). So? I refuse to keep score in that way - or judge him because.... humility is an essential part of marriage along with compromise and wanting to be close instead of right. It's also better to hire someone if you possibly can -throw $ at the problem- rather than get caught up in whether the spouse can do this or that cleaning task.

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What is the context? If you are doubtful of his ability to care for a shared child, then split the bill with him for professional care. Beyond that, his personal care is his own business.

 

You get to decide whether you like him, admire him or love him enough to stay with him as a partner. If not, it makes no sense to stick around and complain. If so, it makes no sense to try to 'manage' him, as that will erode your respect for him and cause him resentment.

 

Imposing our own private ideas of 'should' on another adult harms the relationship.

 

When you're an autonomous adult, live autonomously, and if you choose to merge your household with another, continue to maintain your standards without imposing them on anyone else. Use creative negotiation to offer something of value in exchange for the things of value from him that are most important to you.

 

Ask, don't 'should'.

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I refuse to keep score in that way - or judge him because.... humility is an essential part of marriage along with compromise and wanting to be close instead of right. It's also better to hire someone if you possibly can -throw $ at the problem- rather than get caught up in whether the spouse can do this or that cleaning task.

 

It's not a case of keeping score, just making your own life a little less stressful by sorting yourself out. My ex-husband didn't do his fair share around the house. He hated the idea of getting a cleaner in but didn't step up, so along the cleaner came. It freed up time, stopped squabbles and she became a good friend.

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It's not a case of keeping score, just making your own life a little less stressful by sorting yourself out. My ex-husband didn't do his fair share around the house. He hated the idea of getting a cleaner in but didn't step up, so along the cleaner came. It freed up time, stopped squabbles and she became a good friend.

 

I think everyone's idea of what is fair is different. When I was home full time with our son 90% plus of all household tasks were mine but my husband from the very beginning encouraged me to get a housecleaner once a week (but we do twice a month -once a week is too often for me to clean up for her LOL).

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Do you ever feel like your partner is incapable of small tasks?

 

No, thank god.

 

Sometimes I think he is child like and I get annoyed.

 

I would be annoyed, too. In fact, my relationship would not survive if my partner was this way.

 

I feel as if my partner is incapable of small tasks like dosing medicine or heating up leftovers or making a sandwich or cleaning the toilet properly?

 

Sometimes when people don't want to do something, they do it poorly so that you will take over and do it instead. The ultimate hope is that you will not ask them to do it anymore.

 

It's a passive aggressive technique and really difficult to fight. Totally poisonous to relationships, both personal and professional.

 

These aren't difficult tasks, so chances are you aren't being overly critical.

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Yep. It makes no sense to parent another adult and then complain about it. Just stop parenting.

 

I think it depends on whether it's a task she'd have to get done if he didn't. My husband offered to do laundry. But it would be on his schedule that would not work at all for me and would make more work for me. He is capable but it does me little good.

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I think it depends on whether it's a task she'd have to get done if he didn't. My husband offered to do laundry. But it would be on his schedule that would not work at all for me and would make more work for me. He is capable but it does me little good.

 

Yes, I think that makes a difference. Some tasks have to be done timely or they gum up the works. If he procrastinates or half-asses, she'll have to do it to keep things moving.

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Yes, I think that makes a difference. Some tasks have to be done timely or they gum up the works. If he procrastinates or half-asses, she'll have to do it to keep things moving.

 

Or if she simply wants to have control over timing -it's fine if someone else doesn't want that timing. She said he was bad at heating up leftovers. So if I were she I'd let him heat up only his own and do mine separately

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Yeah, who cares about heating leftovers if it's only for his meal. But if he's slacking for the family meal, then it's another story. Also, tasks like laundry, cleaning dirty dishes in the sink, loading/unloading the dishwasher, tidying up, wiping down surfaces, etc. will result in grossness if not done in a consistent and timely manner. She would be forced to pick up the slack if she doesn't want to live in a pig sty.

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