Jump to content

im being bullied at work!


Recommended Posts

i have been working as a hair stylist in a local salon... it is a huge company that has shops all over the US and now abroad...

my problem is that after 15 years of working at this salon and after seeing many managers come and go, i am being bullied by my present manager... i have no reason why... we were friends for quite some time and then all of that changed... when i am at work, she literally "sneers" at me... (i dont think she even realizes that she's doing this)... i have worked w/ her for the last 5 to 7 yrs (i cant remember when she became my manager) and she took an immediate liking to me and i to her... we are both female and even though she is gay, i didnt care, plus she is in a relationship and i am happily married... she wld include me in everything outside of work... parties, going to a local bar after work having a glass of wine and just easygoing conversations (keeping an unwritten rule, not to gossip or talk of other coworkers)... during the past year, she has changed drastically towards me... if anyone were to ask what i may have done to cause her dislike, i wld honestly say i have no idea... i work only 18 hrs a week and i do my job well... i have been promoted in my position also... this is getting me down and im stressing all of the time... our shop has closed due to the corona virus and it will prob be a long time before we reopen again...

several weeks ago, one of her closest friends in the salon smoked pot, right in the bathroom of the salon... everyone smelled it, even my client that i was working on at the time... what shocked me was that nothing was done about it... i am being sneered at by my mgr 99% of the time, plus her other buddies in the salon are treating me disrespectfully... i reported her behavior towards me to my Supervisor who, in turn went to my manager... if a mgr has a problem w/ an employee dont they ask for a meeting and discuss their concerns one on one?... was i wrong in contacting my supervisor and actually "ratting" on the pot smoker and the mgr who allowed it?... why do i feel so ostracized and wrong for doing the right thing?... some advice please!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't see in your post how exactly you are being bullied. Also, you say that she is sneering at you but also that you are not sure she is aware.....so are you sure she is doing it or are you perhaps being overly sensitive and reading something that's not actually there? Something to consider.

 

Overall, you had this great friendship with this woman for years sounds like and then suddenly it flipped. Can't you actually take her aside and ask her what happened that caused the rift? Direct communication is usually a good thing to attempt at least once.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Let things settle down during this time. Don't take people's moods personally. Take this time to reconnect and check in with friends, family, former coworkers. Update your resume, take some online courses or update your skills through other online learning.

 

Focus on staying healthy and use this time to reflect if you want to return to work there. In the meantime consider other related professions you could do. look into spas, etc and consider applying when facilities reopen in your area. try to turn lemons into lemonade in this case.

... our shop has closed due to the corona virus and it will prob be a long time before we reopen again...
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ask your manager if you can have a virtual chat (online - Skyle or face time) and tell her how you feel. Ask her if you did anything to warrant her sneering, unfriendly behavior towards you. Ask for an explanation. Resolve this as two mature adults. Hopefully, she will apologize and if not, hopefully, she'll at least make an effort to make amends with you. Tell her you are uncomfortable with her pot smoking friends using the salon's restroom as their pot smoking den.

 

If handling this situation fails, contact the salon's HR dept since you work for a huge company. Report your manager for creating a unprofessional, unfriendly environment, report her friends who smoke pot in the salon restroom and your overall toxic working situation.

 

Snitches and whistle blowers are always ostracized. It comes with the territory. :upset:

 

If you cannot resolve this situation, search for a nearby salon for your clients' sake and move to a new salon location for yourself. This is what my hair stylist did. She retained her client base since they were local to the new salon which wasn't far away from their previous salon.

 

Don't remain in a unkind working atmosphere where you feel unwelcome everyday otherwise you'll never look forward to going to work everyday. You need to be happy with your job and your workplace.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

the looks she would give me (sneering) were way before the pot smoking... they continued for a long time... then the girl smoked pot which i have never seen before... she never spoke to me about what was wrong... ever... just dirty looks which made me so uncomfortable... i just found out today that she apparently is sending people messages abt the salon being closed because of the virus and i rec'd no message... sigh... im stressed about this... its turning into one big mess... now i know why people keep their mouths shut and just take the abuse...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i hear what your saying... all of these "looks" she would give me were "out of the blue"... it was as if she wanted to make her feelings toward me known but not in an overt way... it started when my family member passed last month unexpectedly... i needed a refresh on my haircut because the viewing and funeral were scheduled for that month... i asked her politely if i cld get my haircut, she said "NO" in front of the entire salon (which is apparently against the rules) and because i desperately needed the cut, i paid for it!... that really threw her over the edge... the cut is and will always be, listed in the computer... day, time, who cut it etc etc...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

one more thing... if she is my mgr why wld i be the one to approach her?... if she has a problem w/ me why isnt she calling a meeting w me?... im supposed to approach her and actually ask her why shes angry w/ me?... lol... nope... thats not happening... i went over her head... ill let u know what happens when all this passes over...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You're not being bullied. Nobody's entitled to a smile and friendly tone. She's your manager, and evidently not interested in being your friend. It is what it is. Your hours are very much part-time, and you won't be seeing her for awhile coming up anyhow. Having a former hair stylist for a mother, I understand the climate is for better or worse generally a bit more personable, so I can understand you lamenting it's suddenly not. Still, it's really not the end of the world-- and certainly not bullying-- if you don't get on with her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Even though your manager is your manager and not your friend, she is not treating you with respect. You're working in a toxic environment which is mentally unhealthy for you.

 

Don't question who is supposed to initiate approaching whom because it doesn't matter. The longer you remain silent and stoic, the longer this mental abuse will continue which will make your workplace a pure living daily hell.

 

Your boss's refusal to be compassionate upon your attendance at a funeral is uncalled for and shameful.

 

If you refuse to budge regarding asking your boss for a meeting or at least a phone call to discuss these disrespectful issues at the workplace, then you'll have to silently endure your working conditions for the sake of earning a living. It's put up and shut up or squeaky wheel gets the grease.

 

Ok, let us know what happens when all this passes over but don't hold your breath.

 

If your workplace continues to be unbearable, find another nearby salon with a boss and co-workers who know how to treat you with common sense respect and kindness. This way, you'll remain within your locale and retain your client base. This is what my hairstylist had done.

 

If it's too hot in the kitchen, get out!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

why do i feel so ostracized and wrong for doing the right thing?... some advice please!

 

You should have been able to report illegal activity without fear of repercussion. It's pretty clear that your entire work environment is toxic. As the saying goes, one bad apple spoils the entire bunch.

 

Gaslighting is tough because it's so easy for the other person to deny their part in it.

 

However, you can tell it's happening because they deny it, and from their reluctance to help you.

 

Rest assured that a normal person will listen to you if you have a problem. They will make a genuine effort to correct the situation, rather than pile all of the blame on you and your supposed character defects.

 

A gaslighter will always make it out like you're the one who has the problem. That's the whole point.

 

It's what weakling, passive aggressive people do because they are helpless cowards (like all bullies).

 

Other weaklings are attracted to bullies because they are confused or ignorant about the nature of true power.

 

You are not one of these people, which is why you reported the illegal behavior. You are not so desperate for approval (even though you wouldn't mind having some).

 

Unfortunately, recognizing the situation does not help you.

 

Workplace bullying is the toughest form of bullying to deal with because it's always passive aggressive like this. It's almost always two or more against one.

 

And you can't simply punch the bully in the face like you can in the playground. That's really the best thing to do with a bully, but unfortunately there are real consequences for these measures in adulthood.

 

I think what you have to do is develop relationships with other coworkers, look into working under another manager, or perhaps even consider a change of location.

 

There are definitely healthier environments in which to work. I'd seriously consider changing jobs. Why fight to remain stressed out and unappreciated?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

sigh... your responses are well thought out... i hear all of you... but... BUT... i consider myself a good employee... i have been at this salon for 15 years... thats a long time... i have been through many managers and never have i had one complaint... i am much older than this current manager and her being "friends" with me outside of the salon are not that important to me... i never understood her fascination w me anyway... im really not that interesting... anyway... i did call my supervisor who is going to look into this... the virus is upon us and that is on hold for now... the salon is closed and from the way it looks, won't be open for some time... i have been told that this will be taken care of... noone needs to be polite and i dont deserve to be respected?... (i disagree)...period... dont u agree?... in a salon situation we are supposed to be all welcoming, all smiling, all nice... why shouldn't i ask for the same treatment?... you dont have to like or love me... just be polite... and as for someone smoking pot?... sorry guys... i dont give a hoot if its legal in nj... i dont want a "high" stylist cutting my hair... its so unprofessional!...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i have been told that this will be taken care of... noone needs to be polite and i dont deserve to be respected?...

 

That's absurd. Only a sorry sack would believe that.

 

the virus is upon us and that is on hold for now... the salon is closed and from the way it looks, won't be open for some time...

 

Maybe this whole COVID break will give people time to clear their minds.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...