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Is this behavior with her "Male Best Friends" too far?


shawcole

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I've been seeing this girl, (we will call Jess to keep things simple) for now going on 3 months. We really hit it off starting out and still do, but my suspicions of her recent behavior has started to make me question where I stand in this relationship. Starting after our second date and pretty much everytime we would hangout, it seemed like she would make a point of talking about her "Best friend" (we will call Jake). How much she loves him, how awesome he is, etc. Which at the time I thought it was alittle weird but I was fine with it, I'm glad she has male friends. She said he will text her at 3 in the morning, asking if he could come over to "Have a Hug", which is just ing weird to ask someone imo. Roughly three weeks ago, she told me that he confessed his true intentions and feelings for her, but that she told him she wasn't interested. Keep in mind he knew she was talking to me during this time. Two weeks ago her and I were hanging out with some friends and she was alittle tipsy and wanted to read off her texts between (Jake) and her because she thought they were so funny. He was sending her things like "You have the juiciest of anyone I know" and something on the lines of "Nude slumber parties". Weird . She says she doesn't have interest in him, but she was playing into the messages he was sending her, and it really made me uneasy. Especially considering the fact that he goes over to her house multiple times a week to "Hangout", seeing her more than I do myself. To top it off, not long after that he posted to his Snapchat story a picture of him in (Jess's) room at 4 in the morning holding a pair of her earings with the caption (Awww yeah, Jess knows how to keep me coming back). That was it for me and I confronted her and expressed I was uncomfortable with their relationship and his intentions. She instantly got very defensive, wrote it off as "that's just his humor" and pretty much ghosted me for acouple days. We ended up coming to terms soon after, but it was still a little unsettling.

 

Last night however, she wanted to introduce me to her "Bi-Sexual Male BestFriend" for the first time. Him and I hit it off pretty easy and I was happy with the way the conversation was going. Until he started helping her with her studies, while she scratched his back and rubbed his head. Which lead to them play wrestling, in a very very physical/sexual way. Including him holding her down while he straddled her, smacking her ass, laying on top of her between her legs. He was touching her in ways that he had no buisness doing, whether he's gay or not. It was very uncomfortable considering this was happening right next to me. What made me even more uncomfortable was that fact that she was okay with this. Awhile back, I'm pretty sure she told me that along time ago they tried dating but decided to stay just friends. I ended up leaving her house not long after this, because watching some guy dry my girlfriend did not sit well. She could tell I was upset about something and texted me later if she did anything wrong, but I wrote it off as nothing. It just really makes me question what kind of behavior is she engaging with, with other men on a regular basis, when I'm not around. I don't know if I can continue a relationship with someone who doesn't set boundaries for themselves and others whether it's a Guy, girl, Gay man, or lesbian. There is just a certain level of respect that seems to not be there.

 

Any advice is much appreciated.

Thanks

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I think you've seen enough to know that you don't share the same relationship values and boundaries. Since it's only been three months, probably best to walk away now rather than invest more time and wait for this to become toxic to both of you. She is showing you who she is, believe her.

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After 12 weeks of dating and all this drama, it may be best to cut your losses. Even stranger than the behavior itself, is that she tells you all this. If you had unprotected sex, get texted.

He was sending her things like "You have the juiciest of anyone I know" and something on the lines of "Nude slumber parties". him holding her down while he straddled her, smacking her ass, laying on top of her between her legs.
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I think you either have different values or she is playing you.Either way, you don't seem to be compatible.

 

She could be the type of person that craves lots of attention from the opposite sex.

 

Think about this: Jake is her "best friend" yet look at how she is treating him. She doesn't care about his feelings. When someone you care about professes their interest in you, you handle it with kit gloves. because he is your "best friend"

 

Not only is she not doing this, she is playing him to feed her ego AND mocking him behind his back, to her other friends by reading his private texts to a group and laughing.

 

What the heck?

 

She is not a good person. Dump her!

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She's polyamorous. Nothing unusual about it, it's quite common. Not your cup of tea? Then move on.

 

Ummm...I don't get that from this writing. It sounds more like crappy boundaries an she is an attention lover.

If she was polyamorous, she would be seeing the OP one on one, seeing Jake one on one and introducing Jake as someone she was also in a relationship with and if the OP was into that.

 

Either way -- its not "normal' to be groping eachother in front of a third party like that and he should break up with him/them.

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I don't know if I can continue a relationship with someone who doesn't set boundaries for themselves and others whether it's a Guy, girl, Gay man, or lesbian. There is just a certain level of respect that seems to not be there.

 

Exactly.

 

I think you know the resolution to this problem. Now you just have to implement it.

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