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Should BF expects me to pay rent?


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Just out of curiosity, if roles reversed between you and her, if she had 3 rental units frozen and all, would you expect her to explore all the options she could possibly find, before turning to you?

 

Yes, of course. She is a force of a nature, so I expect nothing less from her than gale force awesomeness. It's a big part of what I fell in love with, and a critical part of why I'm confident that, aside from being an awesome girlfriend, she is an awesome partner.

 

She is lucky, right now, in that she secured a job right before this all went down, but another job on the horizon? It's likely nixed. Industries where we both earn livings—well, they are dark right now, so we're both a little nervy. Us and millions. Is what it is. Everyday hustling.

 

Knowing she can handle storms is a tremendous comfort. I suspect that knowing I can do the same is tremendous comfort to her. That is weathering storms together.

 

My impression here—and I don't mean this offensively—is that you are on the younger side of life and maybe not quite used to dealing with hardship on your own. Being a landlord? Yes, it is a lovely thing when you are sitting on the couch watching Netflix and—bling!—the Venmo notification comes in with some cash from a tenant. Oh, I know that moment well! But it's also a business. Things break, insurance rates change, and tenants flake for all sorts of reasons—often because they've decided to move in with their boyfriends. And in those moments it's not as fun, you skid around a bit. But it's doable, particularly if you own the property outright and have another source of income.

 

Your introduction to it is an introduction to the less fun stuff, but it's not pushing you off a cliff. Why ask a partner to pull you up when you haven't even fallen down? Think about what that does to the partnership, let alone the person.

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How is he benefiting from the equity you are getting as a home owner and any other benefits? I asked this above

 

Im not really making any profit after paying all my HOA costs, rental income tax and my share of the rent. I dont know why you ask that. Why is that relevant?

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Your introduction to it is an introduction to the less fun stuff, but it's not pushing you off a cliff. Why ask a partner to pull you up when you haven't even fallen down? Think about what that does to the partnership, let alone the person.

 

Fair enough. I didnt think I have to actually fall first before asking him to pull. Maybe you are right that I'm subconsciously seeking a "parenting“ style of love without even realizing it. My parents do treat me very well, they always make sure I dont fall lol..

 

Well like I said I paid him rent, well in advance too. So now I will just focus on finding a tenant as quick as possible.

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Im not really making any profit after paying all my HOA costs, rental income tax and my share of the rent. I dont know why you ask that. Why is that relevant?

 

Because. You expect to benefit from him paying rent for an apartment from living rent free. Obviously you bought an apartment as an investment and for the tax benefits or whatever benefits - that's a motivating factor in home ownership. So since you want him to share his perks with you - he has a place to live, you want to live there rent free at this time - are you planning on having him benefit from you being a homeowner if there is a time you do profit from being one - from the equity, from the asset, etc?? Let's say you score a tenant who is willing to pay above market rent -do you plan on giving him part of your profit since you benefited from living rent free -have you offered that to him?

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Fair enough. I didnt think I have to actually fall first before asking him to pull. Maybe you are right that I'm subconsciously seeking a "parenting“ style of love without even realizing it. My parents do treat me very well, they always make sure I don't fall.

 

Then why not ask them to cover your rent until you get a tenant if this moment is too much to handle? Serious question.

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Then why not ask them to cover your rent until you get a tenant if this moment is too much to handle? Serious question.

 

Dad said he will pay. But I learnt now that I am capable myself I shouldnt need those help, right?

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Dad said he will pay. But I learnt now that I am capable myself I shouldnt need those help, right?

 

Exactly - good attitude -you'll feel much better about yourself if you stand on your own two feet as much as possible. I know I felt that way.

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Dad said he will pay. But I learnt now that I am capable myself I shouldnt need those help, right?
Now you're getting it.

 

Noticing your old apartment was "paid off" without any indication of by whom exactly, a whole lot is starting to make sense.

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If you are spoilt I would cut those strings of financial support sooner rather than later. You will have unrealistic expectations of partners.

 

 

It's your life OP, they have set you up well but it's your life to live. Do not expect men to treat you like your parents have.

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Dad said he will pay. But I learnt now that I am capable myself I shouldnt need those help, right?

 

Well, now's the moment to live that lesson rather than slotting boyfriend into the role formerly occupied by dad. Partners and parents are two different things, and thank god for that.

 

Knowing you've got the big cushion in dad—something many people don't have, my own father being an anchor that will pull anyone who gets near him straight to the bottom—should give you some stability and confidence in trying to navigate all this as equal adults with and alongside your boyfriend.

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Do not expect men to treat you like your parents have.

 

Exactly.

 

As I was saying earlier, love and business are two separate issues. Guilting your boyfriend into paying all of the rent and then complaining when he doesn't, is manipulative and spoilt.

 

Also, saying "you would pay for him" really doesn't come into this as you and he are two different people and you can't expect everyone to fall into line depending on the choices YOU make.

If he expects rent, that has nothing to do whatsoever with love and everything to do with getting a bill paid.

 

Stop confusing the two.

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Since money is the argument here, move back into your paid off apartment and see if your relationship with him will improve because money is no longer an issue between you two.

 

Remember: "Love don't pay the rent."

 

Moving back into your apartment will save you tremendous amounts of money every month. Also, with COVID-19 pandemic, you're safer and there's less exposure for your health's sake. It's a win-win.

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Move back home.

 

1) its financially stupid to abandon something you own to pay rent somewhere unless by absolute necessity (relocated for work for 4 months out of state but will be returning back home after, for example). It would be smarter for him to move in with you.

2) If two people both have their own places -- buying groceries or covering some of the extras when you are staying at someone else's place - playing house for a week at a time is just good manners. OR if you trade off at eachother's places, you both pay everything for your own places and the visitor treats for dinner. But go home.

3) go back home and quarantine in place.

4) If you are not able to go back home right now because you put everything in storage or moved all your stuff to his place, treat it as if you were spending the night. Pay for groceries spring for the netflix or whatever extras. Do not pay him any rent.

That's just my two cents.

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Now you're getting it.

 

Noticing your old apartment was "paid off" without any indication of by whom exactly, a whole lot is starting to make sense.

 

Yes, if she bought the apartment herself, she would treat it as precious gold - pride in ownership and her security. She would not abandon it to go play house. She would rent it out should she find the love of her life and get married eventually to sell it when it made sense or to have as her "premarital property" to have something of her own to rent. If she is smart, she will move back home and spend nights with her boyfriend a few nights a week when "stay in place" is over.

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I get if you're living there to at least split utilities since your presence would drive those up, if he's had no issue paying for the same apartment before you moved in, I dont really get why he can't just let you not pay rent, considering you still have to finance your old place. I would understand if he was thinking about finding a smaller place/cheaper place after his lease ended, then he would be paying more than he planned to for this lease period.

 

To simplify things I would move back into that apartment until you find a new tenant and go from there. I dont think he is being selfish, I see this situation and handling of finances kind of like culture or meal restrictions. some people view money differently than others, that's just how they were taught or reasoned how it works. His view just happens to be on a different side of the spectrum than me and you.

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I get if you're living there to at least split utilities since your presence would drive those up, if he's had no issue paying for the same apartment before you moved in, I dont really get why he can't just let you not pay rent, considering you still have to finance your old place. I would understand if he was thinking about finding a smaller place/cheaper place after his lease ended, then he would be paying more than he planned to for this lease period.

 

To simplify things I would move back into that apartment until you find a new tenant and go from there. I dont think he is being selfish, I see this situation and handling of finances kind of like culture or meal restrictions. some people view money differently than others, that's just how they were taught or reasoned how it works. His view just happens to be on a different side of the spectrum than me and you.

 

She said her place is paid off.

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Your apartment is paid off - but he still has rent to pay for his. Why wouldn't you offer to pay 50% of the rent when you move in with him? You're not LOSING money on your own apartment if it's already paid off, so you're essentially asking him to foot the bill of what will now be a shared living space, while you just live for free.

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