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Should BF expects me to pay rent?


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Hi guys, a delicate situation I'd like to hear your thoughts.

 

Me and my BF both work full time,decent jobs. I own my apartment (paid off) and he rents his apartment. We decided to move in together as our relationship progressed, but still try to be independent financial wise at this stage (no joint account). Initially we planned to rent a new place and share the rent and all other costs, meanwhile I rent out my place and make some extra income. For me, this extra income will cover my part of rent. For him,his rent will reduce. So the whole moving together thing happened to financially benefit both of us too. Few weeks ago his lease was up, but we decided to just move me into his current place instead. My place is too small for two people. So he renewed the lease. The agreement regarding rent is pretty much still the same. I also found a tenant for my place. All seemed good.

 

Then the coronavirus came, my tenant pulled out unexpectedly. All of a sudden all the restrictions came and it seems to have impacted the rental market. So im not sure if i can find tenants anytime soon.

 

Now here is the issue. I thought since I'm moving in with him, he has been paying the same rent all these years so he doesnt need my money, I want to start paying rent to him after I find a tenant. Otherwise, I feel like he's making a gain out of my loss. Because I didnt have to pay any rent.

 

But he thinks we are renting this place together and I should pay half rent regardless I make extra income or not. Essentially I'm paying to the landlord, not him. If I was outta job now and had no income, he'd help me and cover my rent. However since I am earning salary, I dont need financial help. If I insist, he'll think about maybe reduce my rent. But he feels being taken advantage of if I want rent free till I find a tenant.

 

I dont really know how to feel..money mixed with emotions is always complicated . What do you guys think should be done?

 

P.S. I will keep finding new tenants for the time being instead of moving back straight away. Who knows i may find someone next month.For practical reasons moving back and forth within just a few weeks/month is quite a waste of money and energy. I do plan to move back if I have no luck after 2-3 months.

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If you can afford it, share rent costs with your boyfriend. If you can't afford to split the rent with him, move out. Whoever earns the higher income should divide the rent equitably according to income amount.

 

This is a business deal between you and your boyfriend. Take the option and move back into your own apartment since your tenant moved out. Your relationship won't be based upon money anymore once you move back into your paid off apartment.

 

Then reevaluate your relationship with your boyfriend because you've since discovered how he treats you when money, rent payment, etc. are suddenly at the forefront of your relationship.

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Then reevaluate your relationship with your boyfriend because you've since discovered how he treats you when money, rent payment, etc. are suddenly at the forefront of your relationship.

 

That's the whole point of my post, I dont know how to reevaluate. Is he wrong? Is he selfish? Am I wrong? I dont know. Some of my friends agree with him and some agree with me.

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Now here is the issue. I thought since I'm moving in with him, he has been paying the same rent all these years so he doesnt need my money, I want to start paying rent to him after I find a tenant. Otherwise, I feel like he's making a gain out of my loss. Because I didnt have to pay any rent.

 

No, no, no....stop right there. You still owe him your part of the rent. Whatever is going on with your old place, is not his issue or problem.

 

PAY HIM!!!!

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Well understandably it's an extremely stressful and difficult situation now for everyone with coronavirus. If I was you I would actually make it my priority to keep looking for a tenant for your apartment. I know it's not a good time for that but some people are still looking for somewhere to live because they don't have a choice. E.g. one of my friends got kicked out of her place just before coronavirus lockdowns because the house she was renting is being knocked down. So she is currently moving into another house right now.

 

If you really can't find a tenant and your place is going to be empty for a few months, then even just for safety reasons it might be good for you to move back there to keep an eye on everything.

 

Look this is just my personal opinion, but I think if you stay with your boyfriend at his apartment then I do think you should split everything 50/50. That's just how it needs to be if both people are working and are renting a place. Yes he was in that place alone but now you're there too so normally that's how it works. I rent an apartment from my parents and when my ex-fiance moved in here, he paid half of all the rent and bills. So even though my family owns this place, he still contributed. The fact that you couldn't get a tenant is not your boyfriend's issue really. I mean it's not his fault so why should he pay all the rent now that you're at his apartment too?

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No, no, no....stop right there. You still owe him your part of the rent. Whatever is going on with your old place, is not his issue or problem.

 

PAY HIM!!!!

 

Yes I think so too but if you really don't want to pay rent, then say you need to keep an eye on your place and move back there.

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Since you are keeping finances seperate, I would take it as a given that you would pay rent while you are living there.

Your business with your apartment is yours, it's not really on him to shoulder that.

Fair enough if you were to choose to stay in your apartment for now. It seems you'd rather not though, so yeah, paying rent seems fair to me.

I don't think he is benefitting from your loss. Your deal together is seperate from your tenant situation.

That's only my opinion.

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If your working salary doesn't cover renting an apartment with him, and you relied on the $ from renting your apartment, then that's what you tell him. I can't afford to live here, then. In my opinion, a decent boyfriend would say, "Okay, for now then, how about you just pay half of the utility bills and chip in for the groceries?" If he doesn't say that, and if he says, "Yeah, it's best you go home for now." Then if it were me, he wouldn't be the ideal lifetime partner.

 

Ultimately, it doesn't matter who is wrong and who is right. If you disagree on something so important, then one of you will feel very bitter about having to cave, and that's not good for building a beautiful life together.

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While I understand your frustrations, I can't help but think you might be bringing one frustration (tenant dropping out) into the relationship in a way that's not needed. Perhaps there's another frustration—his place instead of one you chose together?—also factoring in?

 

Think about it like this. Let's imagine a parallel, coronavirus-free reality where you guys had gone apartment shopping together and mutually decided on a new place to rent, with that rent split, per the original plan. And let's say you lived there together for 6 months—but, ugh, your tenant split, as tenants sometimes do, depriving you of that extra scratch. Bummer, for sure. But since you still have a job, means to pay rent, and so on, would you expect him to cover the rent until you got a tenant? I'd try to look at it like that, for perspective.

 

Related personal story: I moved into my girlfriend's apartment, now our apartment, three months ago. We split the rent. I own two homes in other cities that I rent out long and short term—a huge part of my income. With coronavirus my rental income for the next two months dropped to a flat zero, so I'm now carrying those two mortgages and rent on our place. Bummer. My other source of income? Well, that too has been frozen. Double bummer. But I've got savings, a history of thinking nimbly on my feet, and wouldn't think of asking my girlfriend to cover the rent for the next month just because I'm slightly pinched. She's stressed too, along with the planet, and we're in this together.

 

If I was dead broke it might be a different story, but I'm not, and it doesn't sound like you are either. Pinched, frustrated, overwhelmed, yeah. Hugs on all that from another tenant-free human. But if you can still pay rent I don't understand why you wouldn't. Whether it's a week from now or a few months, you'll have a tenant, and this will be what it is: a pinch during a pinched time.

 

My few cents.

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That's the whole point of my post, I dont know how to reevaluate. Is he wrong? Is he selfish? Am I wrong? I dont know. Some of my friends agree with him and some agree with me.

 

Splitting the rent seems fair. However, if one person earns a higher income than the other person, sharing the rent costs according to income ratio would be considerate for the person earning less income.

 

Your apartment is paid off. Therefore, it would be less expensive for you to move back to your apartment since your tenant moved out.

 

And with COVID-19 pandemic, it would be safer for your health to move back to your apartment as well.

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While I understand your frustrations, I can't help but think you might be bringing one frustration (tenant dropping out) into the relationship in a way that's not needed. Perhaps there's another frustration—his place instead of one you chose together?—also factoring in?

 

Think about it like this. Let's imagine a parallel, coronavirus-free reality where you guys had gone apartment shopping together and mutually decided on a new place to rent, with that rent split, per the original plan. And let's say you lived there together for 6 months—but, ugh, your tenant split, as tenants sometimes do, depriving you of that extra scratch. Bummer, for sure. But since you still have a job, means to pay rent, and so on, would you expect him to cover the rent until you got a tenant? I'd try to look at it like that, for perspective.

 

Related personal story: I moved into my girlfriend's apartment, now our apartment, three months ago. We split the rent. I own two homes in other cities that I rent out long and short term—a huge part of my income. With coronavirus my rental income for the next two months dropped to a flat zero, so I'm now carrying those two mortgages and rent on our place. Bummer. My other source of income? Well, that too has been frozen. Double bummer. But I've got savings, a history of thinking nimbly on my feet, and wouldn't think of asking my girlfriend to cover the rent for the next month just because I'm slightly pinched. She's stressed too, along with the planet, and we're in this together.

 

If I was dead broke it might be a different story, but I'm not, and it doesn't sound like you are either. Pinched, frustrated, overwhelmed, yeah. Hugs on all that from another tenant-free human. But if you can still pay rent I don't understand why you wouldn't. Whether it's a week from now or a few months, you'll have a tenant, and this will be what it is: a pinch during a pinched time.

 

My few cents.

 

Thank you for the thoughtful reply.

 

Very good question if there was no virus...then I would have paid rent regardless because I know even if I cant find tenants straight away, I can find some soon enough. The rental costs in between? I can absorb. It wouldnt be that huge amount.

 

Now with the virus, I know eventually I will still find someone, but I'm afraid it'll take an extended period of time. The cost in between will be a lot bigger than I originally expected. So I suppose I wanted him to help me reduce the cost? By not charging me (full)rent?

 

But yeah, I have salary, so I can always afford the cost. And BF shares your thought too : "if you lost your job, that'd be a different story. But you didn't, so why dont you pay".

 

I guess the issue is whether I should ask BF to help me reduce the cost. Many of you dont think so. And I do see your point.

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You will be placing your problems on his shoulders...that's not fair.

 

If you were a married couple, it's a different story. But as boyfriend/girlfriend and rent, you need to be fair and stick to the agreement made just the same as you would with anyone else you were renting with.

 

If you wouldn't expect a roommate to cover you, then don't do that to your boyfriend.

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Yes move back to your own place. Why bicker over this? Living with him is emotionally and financially foolish. Try not to profit off each other at a time like this.

I own my apartment, my tenant pulled out unexpectedly.
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Is he going to benefit- or is he -from the equity you're building as a homeowner? From the tax benefits, etc? I agree that you should pay your share and if you really can't given your loss of tenant income figure it out. I'd likely move back to my own place especially since it's safer now all else equal.

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Move back to your place or pay half the rent living at his. It's really that simple.
This.

 

Why would you be allowed to live rent free, just because he used to pay the entire amount?

 

You wonder if he is being selfish. It seems to me, you might be the selfish one.

 

If he pays the whole rent, then you are a guest. That's how I'd look at it.

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Very good question if there was no virus...then I would have paid rent regardless because I know even if I cant find tenants straight away, I can find some soon enough. The rental costs in between? I can absorb. It wouldnt be that huge amount.

 

Now with the virus, I know eventually I will still find someone, but I'm afraid it'll take an extended period of time. The cost in between will be a lot bigger than I originally expected. So I suppose I wanted him to help me reduce the cost? By not charging me (full)rent?

 

Believe me, I understand the pinch. I'm feeling it as I write: three units, typically full, now empty. I have a feeling I've got some years on you, and one thing I've learned is that financial pinches are part and parcel for life. Not fun, but also? Manageable. For me, at the moment. For you, at the moment. We are incredibly lucky to own property, in the big picture, and we are lucky to be able to take a short term hit. Maybe focus on those facts, rather than magnifying the others?

 

Is there any chance that, in wanting your boyfriend to help reduce the cost, you're looking for some kind of sign that you're on the same page in the relationship, in values, in something that isn't directly attached to this tough moment? I ask because you mentioned not yet sharing a joint bank account, which makes me wonder if being less financially independent and more inter-dependent is something you're eager to see happen. If so, that's a fine thing to want, down the line, but maybe not a thing to fast track during a stressful moment.

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When you agreed to share a rental apartment with him, you became responsible for half the rent regardless of your personal financial circumstances.

 

Unfortunately, your personal reasoning for the move was that you will both benefit financially from this. Since for the time being that's not panning out, you now resent that only he benefits in your eyes, while you are getting the short end of the stick with the tenant falling through....even though you are not in any dire straights and can well afford the 1/2 rent. I think you are rather greedy here. Also, did you move in to further your relationship or just because of financial gain? I'm not being mean, I want you to think about this and perhaps that will help you gain some clarity on this. What actually matters to you here?

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Well it goes to show ya you need to be better prepared for the "what if" or "in the event of". Like what if someone loses their job, what if someone gets sick or in a car accident, what if you get pregnant, what if a parent gets ill, what if a friend needs a place to stay, what happens if you split up, etc. All things should to be considered before making a decision that may affect the relationship and or finances.

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