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We have been married less than a year now, but we are having some problems in the bedroom. I, the husband, am having a hard time wanting sex. It seems like we are never in the mood at the same time. Last night I came on to her and she rejected me. Why am I supposed to just take that rejection for nothing, but when I am not interested in sex, it’s the end of her world.

 

We had sex earlier today mind you. We just got back from a hike, and I was giving the dogs a bath. I finished and started cleaning up the bathroom. She comes in naked and I was more worried about cleaning up, then having sex. I make a joke and she walks away crying. I immediately feel like crap. I feel like I can’t satisfy my wife. I feel like less of a man. She goes “I’m sorry, it’s my fault, can we move on now?”

 

I don’t feel like it’s her fault, I don’t feel like it’s my fault either, although I do feel like less of a man. She said she has to leave. She walked out the door and is gone. I don’t think she is going out to sleep with anyone, but I don’t know how to move forward. Do I just have sex with her even if I am not mentally into it? Do I do that every time? I’m so lost.

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Nobody is obliged to have sex with anyone married or not.

 

Sounds like neither of you are happy with the situation and understandably so. I'd seek professional help from a Councillor perhaps as you seem to be unable to resolve it by talking without it turning into a blame game.

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Common dynamic or a symptom of stressful times we find ourselves living in?

 

I recommend a book by the title “The Way of the Superior Man” by David Deida for some insight into the sexual dynamic at home with your wife.

 

Hopefully you have the confidence and security to take the high road and give your woman the dignity to feel and process her emotions on her own without taking it personally. Be her rock and her safe place. Chances are she went out to cool down and all will be well when she returns.

 

Best wishes!

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This might ruffle some feathers, but here goes. Sometimes, yes..you have to have sex even though you're not 100% into it.

 

Ladies, how many times have we gone with the flow because our man is horny and we don't want to disappoint? This isn't being treated badly and it's not any type of abuse as far as I am concerned, this is bending to what your partner might want at the time in order to make your relationship work.

 

How many times has she listened to your stories about work even though she didn't want to, or sports or whatever it might be.

How many times did one of you go to a restaurant or ate food you really weren't totally into but did so because your partner really wanted it?

It is give and take in a relationship, bending, working together, compromise. And yes, even when it comes to sex.

 

Obviously there is a line..don't be the man or woman who feels as though they are being raped or is in fact being raped in order to please their partner.

This is entirely different and in that case, you need to GET OUT and get to a safe shelter.

 

But the advice I am giving, pertains specifically to if you might not really be in the mood but your partner is.

Sometimes you have to bend once in a while in order to make things work, compromise, cooperate.

And hey, the good news is, 9 times out of ten once you're in the middle of it, you WILL actually get into it and enjoy it.

 

But I agree with the others as well and it might be therapy that you could also consider.

Hope this helps.

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I'll also add in, because you're a man, your nether region might not be as cooperative if you're not totally in the mood.

But no problem, you can please your lady in lots of different ways using your hands, fingers, mouth, etc.

 

and don't forget, lots of sensual touching and kissing.

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