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I have recently been out of a 6 month relationship. It’s been one month since my ex boyfriend broke up with me. We ended through text only because I asked, he wanted to meet in person. But he said to me “that he doesn’t think he was ready for a serious relationship.” He said “this has been by far the easiest relationship I’ve ever been in, you are exactly what I’m looking for I’m just not sure I’m looking right now. It’s honestly killing me trying to figure all this out but I just don’t think I’m ready.” I was completely blindsided. He set the pace for the whole relationship, he introduced me to friends, family, extended family. I went to a family Christmas party, went to dinner every Thursday with his family, he took me to a hotel for three days on my birthday, told me he loved me first and said he loved me around friends and family. He was even talking about us going to his siblings wedding in the summer. He’s on dating apps and when I found out he said he’s just looking to date around for the foreseeable future. He muted me on Instagram but he views every one of Snapchat stories usually within minutes and one of his good friends views my Instagram stories almost instantly. It’s just very confusing for me and I guess I’m looking for some insight as to why he would say I’m exactly what he’s looking for in a partner and not even want to take a break or move slower? I told him not to say things that he thinks he should say just to spare my feelings and just be honest and he was adamant that that’s not what he was doing? I was the longest relationship he’s had in over a year, he got dumped by his last LTR and in the year between that and meeting me was just short casual dates.

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He might still love you, but he definitely doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you.

 

I’ve been in your shoes...sucks. Sorry to hear.

 

What’s helped me is to “go cold turkey” and stop contacting the person. Delete contact, unfollow on social media...just Cut. It. Off. Of course you could always try to make him change his mind, but “forcing” or “convincing” someone who doesn’t want to be with you to be with you? Well that seems like a dicey play at best. If you get to a point where the pain of holding onto hope for reconciliation is greater than the pain of going no contact you will see how beneficial and empowering it can be.

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I agree he's obviously very fond of you but for some reason he just can't see himself in a relationship with you.

 

 

Maybe he's not fully over his last LTR is all I can think of.

 

This is hurting you and keeping you in the emotional merry go round so I would wish him well and block and delete if you want to start moving on with your life.

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I believe that he cares about you. He thinks highly of you, but something was lacking in the relationship. It could be attraction or chemistry, or some other element that he hasnt disclosed to you.

 

Whatever it is, its strong enough that he left and took a chance on losing you forever. He joined dating apps so that he could see "what else is out there." So I dont believe he was confused or unsure about you. He wants to keep his options open. I know it hurts and it doesnt make any sense. You may never understand why, or get closure.

 

Leave this guy alone and allow yourself time to process the breakup. Go no contact so that you can heal and move forward. Just understand that he may come back and want a relationship, but he also may not. Dont put your life on hold in the meantime. That will make you feel even worse.

 

I can tell you from personal experience that most exes live to regret letting a good woman go. They thought the grass was greener on the other side of the fence, only to get a serious reality check.

 

By the time they realize this and try to come back to you, you wont even want them back. You will have healed and moved on. You won't be interested in giving a second chance to someone who already walked away and hurt you so deeply the first time.

 

You are the prize, and you are HIS loss. One man's loss is another mans gain. He is the one who will miss out. Hugs.

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I'm sorry, OP. I know this must hurt a lot.

 

I agree with the others that he liked, but something was not quite there for him. He might not even be able to identify it himself, but there was something holding him back from keeping this relationship going.

 

As for him being on dating apps, well, all that does is let you know that he is keeping his options open. That stings a lot, I realize, so it will be better for you to cease contact with him and remove him from your social media. You're not going to want to one day wake up to a pic of him with someone else.

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He may like you, but does not want a relationship with you. I'm sorry that he did this to you.

 

Please cut all contact, by blocking and deleting, to you will get strung along for his ego and sex. This guy did not appreciate you, so do not give him the benefit of staying in his life. It is time to move on.

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Sorry to hear this. You need to delete him and all his people from all your devices, contact lists, messaging apps and social media. He seems like a player, be glad you broke up with him.

 

Next time try not to get caught up in superficial charm or myths about "meeting family", etc and step back to assess things after a few months to decide if someone is who you wish to go forward with. Be more aware of red flags such as never having LTRs or only dating casually.

he said to me “that he doesn’t think he was ready for a serious relationship.” He’s on dating apps and when I found out he said he’s just looking to date around for the foreseeable future.
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I was the longest relationship he’s had in over a year, he got dumped by his last LTR and in the year between that and meeting me was just short casual dates. So his past behavior predicted exactly what would happen. That your relationship would be short term.

 

On again, off again relationships also show a pattern, which is what would happen if you two got back together. Once the newness wore off, he'd dump you all over again. Being "not ready" means that he likes the honeymoon period of short term relationships, but when it's time to shoot for forever--going to the next stage, with all of the expectations and daily effort that entails, it's not for him.

 

When more than one person tells you something, it's wise to listen. Every single poster suggests going no contact. Because that's the only way you will be able to finish mourning, and then get to the part of healing and moving on.

 

Fate has someone far better in store for you. Someone who is so crazy about you, he will want you all to himself and will never want to free you to be with someone else. Hold out for him. You're totally worth it!

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He doesn't love you nearly enough. I'm sorry. He doesn't love you enough to have a committed relationship with you. He may like you but he doesn't love you in the way you want and expect. He's not willing to honorably and sincerely give that much of himself to you. That's your harsh reality check which you need to accept. He wants his freedom and convenience and the only way to get what he wants is to get rid of you as his now ex-girlfriend.

 

He needs to spare his hot air and dramatic words. Don't bother. It's time to cut ties with him permanently and go your separate ways. I doubt you want to remain "just friends" post-breakup.

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  • 1 month later...

Seems like he’s afraid of real long term commitment. I would back off, if he comes back around great but no intimate stuff bc it will just get you more attached while he continues to play the field. Make it seem like you are unbothered by his decision and that you have options too (this knocks him off the pedestal he’s on). Be cheery and your wonderful self when he reaches out but also be the first to cut off the convo (he seems like the type to like things in HIS comfort zone I.e you Let him set the pace for the relationship) he is the classic thinks he knows what he wants but is afraid of it... you’ll always have to be just out of reach to keep him coming close. That’s my advice if you really want him but it is a lot of work and self control on your part when he’s the one with the issue.

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