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Great Connection But no longer talking.


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So I met this new guy and he lives kinda far from me. He has visited and everything was great. But i acted on my fight or flight response when hed take a while to message back. To make it worse bc i consulted friends for there comfort they messaged him trying to help Behind my back and told me after. After a day of silence he said yeah we cant talk anymore. But then a few days after that wished me a happy birthday I said thank you and and made a joke about it it's the following day. No response. No happy birthday the next day. Is there a way to fix this why would u bother saying happy birthday after u said u couldnt talk anymore? I really would like to be able to talk again. And realize what I did wrong here.

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So I met this new guy and he lives kinda far from me. He has visited and everything was great. But i acted on my fight or flight response when hed take a while to message back. To make it worse bc i consulted friends for there comfort they messaged him trying to help Behind my back and told me after. After a day of silence he said yeah we cant talk anymore. But then a few days after that wished me a happy birthday I said thank you and and made a joke about it it's the following day. No response. No happy birthday the next day. Is there a way to fix this why would u bother saying happy birthday after u said u couldnt talk anymore? I really would like to be able to talk again. And realize what I did wrong here.

 

First off, I completely understand what you mean, I hate that, too. What do you mean by awhile to message back? Not cool of your friends to do that behind your back. 1. They shouldn't be doing things behind your back 2. It makes you look bad and desperate. I know they probably had good intentions, but still. Did he say why you couldn't talk? I'm guessing due to your friends.

 

Did you have sex when you met?

 

IDK why he would say you can't talk and then wish you a HBD. The no response again after makes me think he's just not interested.

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Sounds like he just isn’t that interested. Which is fine. Nothing personal. Maybe he was before you panicked and got your troops involved but he certainly isn’t now.

 

He’s gone. That’s ok.

But you should reconsider your friends and whether you want people that would go behind your back , to remain “friends”

In his eyes you have plummeted in the attraction level.

It sounds like he was Luke warm anyway but now he has gone cold.

 

All you can do now is forget it ever happened but look within yourself as to why it went sour?

How are you with rejection in general? Why did you need to discuss this with friends and not him?

 

It might have been a simple case of he was interested until you went full stalker on him?

Or at least that’s how he perceives it.

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Sorry to hear this. How did these friends have his contact info? Was he blocking you/not answering you from your devices or accounts? Was it understood when he visited that it would be a hookup or lead to a LDR?

 

Unfortunately the issue is with these meddling friends. You need to reconsider if they are really your friends. Distance yourself from them and certainly do not confide in them and do not give them the contact info for anyone you had one date with.

 

Let him go he's not interested and now after your so-called friends butted in he wants nothing to do with you. Don't have your friends stalk or track or contact him.

i consulted friends for there comfort they messaged him trying to help Behind my back and told me after. After a day of silence he said yeah we cant talk anymore.
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You were already getting impatient after just 20 or 30 minutes? I would see it as a red flag too if someone I was talking to couldn't be more patient and then came at me with some sort of passive-aggressive remark. Add to that the fact that your friends looked him up on FB and messaged him? Girl, no. Huge no. I don't know how old you guys are, but that is really over-dramatic and completely over-stepping it. It would be enough to cut contact, too, I have to say.

 

People have lives, remember. Not everyone is available to be on their phone to just idly chat. I wouldn't expect someone to answer me right away if it wasn't something very important. If you can't sit tight for half an hour, well, you would be wise to see where this heightened anxiety is coming from. Why did you think worst-case scenario right away? Having a bad day doesn't really explain it; is there a particular reason you were feeling so insecure about this guy?

 

You might have missed if before, but how long have you actually known him, and how often have you met in person?

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Oh and he doesnt know I know they messaged. He never brought it up they told me one of the people was my little sister

 

I think it's safe to assume that he knows you know, OP. These are your people, so it doesn't take much to put two and two together. It's also the mere fact that you were already complaining to them after only a half-hour of silence that would raise a red flag, too. He knows you had to have been talking to them about this, and it seems like an over-reaction on your part.

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Consider it a fun fling or hookup. Do not try to build a relationship out of it. Let it go. Do not become a stalker or clinger or let people do that on your behalf. If you can't handle no-strings sex, don't do it.

 

Do not give your friends and family the contact info of people you date. Tell them not to interfere, stalk or do things on your behalf.

They just looked him up on Facebook. hes in the army as a fitness instructor
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He knows you know. Even if your friends saud you didn't. Your friends and little sister really did you a disservice.

 

If he is not showing interest, which sounds like he isn't, move on. Once you look desperate to a person (that's what your friends did. they made you look immature and desperate). Its really hard to recover, especially if you are not local to each other.

 

Next time you meet a guy you really like, you need to protect. Keep things just between you and him.

 

Sorry!

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