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Accidental contact with Ex


bighair

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Wow...haven't posted on here in years. Looking for some insight during this bizarre time of isolation. So, my ex broke up w me 9 months ago. He lives in another state. The break up was bad and I haven't talked to him since that day. No texts, calls, social media activity...etc...I've been in stone cold NC since June. Generally speaking, I've been doing ok and have really turned a corner with the help of my therapist, friends, family and the passage of time. Then, THIS happened. I have been using Whatsapp more these days due to social distancing and for international calls to concerned relatives. I SOMEHOW BUTT DIALED MY EX. True story. I cancelled the call immediately. So, I FAINTED when he texted back a short while later saying he was sorry for missing the call and that he could talk in a little while or tomorrow...asked about me and my fam and how we were handling CV...etc......After regaining consciousness, I wrote a friendly message back telling him we were ok all things considered, asked about him and then explained the call was an accident..but that I wouldn't mind talking some time nonetheless..I signed off in a friendly, non-desperate way. He didn't write back. That was on Friday. I know it sounds lame, but it really was a butt dial. I didn't want ignore his text but also didn't want him to think I really called him given how bad our parting was. And, so you all know, we never spoke on Whatsapp when we were together. I would just call him on my cell. What's done is done but back to NC I go. When I have a missed call on my cell and no follow up text or VM, I assume it's a butt dial. Was it ok to tell him it was just an accident? And, yeah, it hurts a little that he didn't write back but I didn't mean to call him to begin with. Ugh.

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Was it ok to tell him it was just an accident? And, yeah, it hurts a little that he didn't write back but I didn't mean to call him to begin with. Ugh.

 

Yes, it's fine. You're over-thinking this.

 

It sounds like you would be best to delete his number from your contacts so you don't accidentally dial him again, though. Based on your extreme reaction to him returning that call, it would be best if he doesn't follow up. It seems it would set your healing back right to zero, and you will need to go through the pain of the break-up all over again.

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I agree with Canuck. I think you should just go back to zero contact (which includes you overthinking anything about him) and if he DOES call you back, that you don't answer. Perhaps even block and delete him. He did tell you that he would "talk in a little while or tomorrow" and if he does "talk later" I'm pretty sure you're going to "FAINT" yet again and indeed go back in your healing. For not talking to him for 9 months, its very clear that you are not yet to the stage of indifference to him. Do yourself a favor and block him and close that door for real.

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I agree with everyone else. I know it's a strange time with people coming out of the woodwork -from a distance of course..... and yes I remember your posts. My hair is really big and kind of gray since I can't get it cut/colored right now because of covid19.

 

I accidentally clicked on my ex on Linkedin some years ago because he came up as a suggestion next to the person I meant to click on. He linked in with me, I accepted, and we've never chatted on it. So it can be ok but our breakup was far less drama and we weren't doing actual NC

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And, so we're clear...I didn't literally faint. But, I agree that I am not indifferent towards my ex....He was awful to me during the break up.

 

Yes, I understand that you didn't really faint. So, are you going to block him? I suspect your ego won't let you do that because now you want to see if he is actually going to contact you... which is human nature I suppose but I will encourage you to be brave, tell you ego to shut it, take back your personal power from his hands and block so you don't know one way or the other. If he was awful to you, don't give him the ego boost by replying anyway, any further. You covered your mistake by telling him it was by accident that you contacted him so why not just close the door for good?

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After answering your own question,"What's done is done but back to NC I go", why would you want to pursue this any further?

 

Is it possible that all of the above replies are not what you were hoping to hear?

 

I always get a full range of responses on enotalone. Some useful. some not so useful. I think what always amazes me is someone's need to be as harsh as possible when replying and not fully reading, or even understanding, the OP. Now, I will be criticized for not wanting honest feedback.

 

Well, what did you think I wanted to hear? That my ex was ecstatic that I called, he's been waiting for me to call him back? No. And, I don't think I ever said I wanted to pursue this further. Go back and read the post.

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To Canuck - when you remove someone from Whatsapp, you remove them as a contact from your device. Or, didn't you know that? Also, I determine what is useful for my life. No one else.

Well, that's rather dismissive. You are looking for advice on how to get over your "Ugh" Why not block the guy and get on with getting past the Ugh? Removing him from your device isn't going to stop you from overthinking... blocking him will close the door for good.

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Well, that's rather dismissive. You are looking for advice on how to get over your "Ugh" Why not block the guy and get on with getting past the Ugh? Removing him from your device isn't going to stop you from overthinking... blocking him will close the door for good.

 

Funny...I thought you were dismissive. What does blocking do exactly? I can unblock him or I can add him again as a contact. I deleted his contact which is the way I chose to handle it.

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To Canuck - when you remove someone from Whatsapp, you remove them as a contact from your device. Or, didn't you know that? Also, I determine what is useful for my life. No one else.

 

That was a unnecessary response. I did not know that either, as i rarely use the application. I would have thought that blocking and deleting would have been the most effective avenue, if he treated you so badly.

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That was a unnecessary response. I did not know that either, as i rarely use the application. I would have thought that blocking and deleting would have been the most effective avenue, if he treated you so badly.

 

Well, by removing him completely, I don't run into the danger of butt dialing him on the phone or an app like Whatsapp. He hasn't called me since the break up and didn't call me after this outbreak. The only reason we even had contact was because of my butt dial. I don't think he will respond, and yes, that does hurt to think about. But, it is what it is.

 

And, I responded the way that I did because ultimately I have to decide how to deal with my ex. I know myself and the situation better than anyone else. Deleting him as a contact seems like the best option.

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