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Questions For Woman - Confused Man Looking For Insight


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Questions For Woman -

 

1. I tend to joke around about sex a lot with my wife.. its a way maybe I see how she is feeling at that moment with me and if she is in the mood possibly and it could be at the most randomst times, however although she entertains it at the moment she hates it and says I do it a lot and feels as if that's all I want from her … - im very confused on this, and im not sure why im so confused, what does she mean ? What is she looking for instead? ….

 

2. What do you mean when you say i want to feel wanted is that the same as loved.... ?

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In regards to the first question, I’m much the same as your wife. I dont really enjoy when my male partner jokes about sex with me. It also makes me feel like that’s the only thing he wants from me. I told him that I’m a subtle signs type of person. Cuddle with me and start kissing my neck to see if I assist you in taking things further. If you wanna know if I’m in the mood, find a way to ask me.

Jokes about sex remind me of those frat boys I never took seriously. They don’t make me feel flattered or sexy or anything a woman (well more specifically this woman) wants to feel before engaging in sex.

My advice would be to ask your wife how she likes to be approached when it comes to sex. Sounds like an awkward conversation but it can be very helpful AND maybe she’s never thought about it

 

As to you second question. Feeling wanted looks different for everyone. For me, feeling wanted is having all your attention most of the time. If we’re in a room with people, your eyes are on me frequently, your ears are almost always tuned in to what I’m saying even if it has nothing to do with you. If we’re going out, you’ve told me how beautiful I look and how happy you are to be beside me. You remind me throughout the night of how beautiful you think I look.

 

Small things like that equal feeling wanted for me. But every woman is different

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Hard to imagine that joking around is romantic or foreplay for your wife.. Women are usually not that turned on by childish locker room humor. Get up and make dinner, do the dishes, watch a rom-com together, etc. Figure out what turns her on, not what turns on a bunch of 20 something guys.

I tend to joke around about sex a lot with my wife.. its a way maybe I see how she is feeling at that moment with me and if she is in the mood possibly
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So I get the constant joking about sex stuff, however some other questions ….

 

1. If you had to say whats the one thing that turns you on about your man that makes you melt what would it be ...something that can be done at anytime

2. Also if you ever had a major fight or disagreement what did you husband do or say to help you take down your wall during that time? What helped to bring things back to normalcy

 

3. And one random question - if you lived in a house with not enough space for your family to grow, and seem to live in homes that follow that theme in the past and it becomes a crux of making things unhappy what would you do ? Find another home that suited everyone better within your budget, become a landlord and rent and use that towards another home, (unfortunately trying to make it work isn't an option) … space constraint and not building more rooms ..

We are talking no privacy on any end from the neighborhood to the space/bedrooms etc …. We are known to move a lot so far because of this , and even to a new state ...

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Hard to imagine that joking around is romantic or foreplay for your wife.. Women are usually not that turned on by childish locker room humor. Get up and make dinner, do the dishes, watch a rom-com together, etc. Figure out what turns her on, not what turns on a bunch of 20 something guys.
this^^^^

 

women in general do not find the horn dog humor funny or attractive. I say this as a serious question- are your jokes funny? or are they annoying? The latter can be a turn off.

 

I suspect she means she wants to feel wanted and loved for more than her body and sex. Do you show interest in her interests? Do you encourage her? Do you express appreciation for the things she does? Do you do little things to show you think of her throughout the day?

 

I dont mean you have to overwhelm her with attention but you could try little things to help her feel more valued.

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I see your jokes as asking for sex in a roundabout way, like you're afraid to come out and say what you want, trying to gauge if she's willing by her reaction.

 

What do I value from my husband? I like it that he sometimes shows me physical affection and a gives me a French kiss even when his intent is not to have sex at that moment. On the contrary, with my ex husband, he only showed me affection when he wanted to do it.

 

A woman also values not being tired, so make sure you're contributing a fair share of chores so that she has energy for sex. Occasionally give her a foot or back massage without the goal of sex. Just because you love her and want to please her. And it's also okay to ask her for a neck rub or back rub if you've had a stressful day. Helps to keep an emotional connection.

 

What is sexy? If you texted her from work and said: I've been thinking about you all day, and how I want to give you a long massage tonight. (It's about what you want to give to her--not about what you want to take.)

 

Sometimes just say things plainly: I'd like to have sex tonight.

 

A sultry James Bond approach is more appealing than a ridiculous Adam Sandler.

 

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

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So I get the constant joking about sex stuff, however some other questions ….

 

1. If you had to say whats the one thing that turns you on about your man that makes you melt what would it be ...something that can be done at anytime

2. Also if you ever had a major fight or disagreement what did you husband do or say to help you take down your wall during that time? What helped to bring things back to normalcy

 

3. And one random question - if you lived in a house with not enough space for your family to grow, and seem to live in homes that follow that theme in the past and it becomes a crux of making things unhappy what would you do ? Find another home that suited everyone better within your budget, become a landlord and rent and use that towards another home, (unfortunately trying to make it work isn't an option) … space constraint and not building more rooms ..

We are talking no privacy on any end from the neighborhood to the space/bedrooms etc …. We are known to move a lot so far because of this , and even to a new state ...

 

1. I don't think melting is a common thing that happens from one trick that works everytime. that's not what melting is. Its about a person knowing you and doing what you need in that moment.

 

2. This also depends on the person. genuinely apologizing and changed behavior is a good approach.

 

3. I would move to a bigger place within my budget, work together to determine what we would be willing to sacrifice to create more money for a bigger place.

 

I didn't really understand about the moving so much because of no privacy in the neighborhood. Are you moving around in the same neighborhood?

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Hard to imagine that joking around is romantic or foreplay for your wife.. Women are usually not that turned on by childish locker room humor. Get up and make dinner, do the dishes, watch a rom-com together, etc. Figure out what turns her on, not what turns on a bunch of 20 something guys.

 

Show it with considerate and loving actions, not jokes. It is a turnoff.

 

It seems that you have been having some big issues in your marriage. Did you attend counseling?

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So I get the constant joking about sex stuff, however some other questions ….

 

1. If you had to say whats the one thing that turns you on about your man that makes you melt what would it be ...something that can be done at anytime

2. Also if you ever had a major fight or disagreement what did you husband do or say to help you take down your wall during that time? What helped to bring things back to normalcy

 

3. And one random question - if you lived in a house with not enough space for your family to grow, and seem to live in homes that follow that theme in the past and it becomes a crux of making things unhappy what would you do ? Find another home that suited everyone better within your budget, become a landlord and rent and use that towards another home, (unfortunately trying to make it work isn't an option) … space constraint and not building more rooms ..

We are talking no privacy on any end from the neighborhood to the space/bedrooms etc …. We are known to move a lot so far because of this , and even to a new state ...

 

When he does things without being asked. When he helps around the house, or offers to do things. This should be done daily. Being an active partner makes a healthy relationship. Making dinner and flowers are always a positive.

 

Listen to what your partner is saying and trying to come to a place where you can both agree.

 

Why didn't you live in bigger homes? Can you afford it? Moving is expensive. Interest rates are very low, can you buy?

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I think men would do better to focus a lot less on what they can do to get the results they want, and a lot more on being the man she wants/needs. Most women are going to see through the fake actions i.e. helping with the dishes only when they want to get laid, instead just be the man who does those kinds of things without expecting something in return.

 

It's not what you do, it's who you are.

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You need to exercise tact as opposed to being perceived as a sex fiend to her. Try acting graciously and gentlemanly habitually throughout the day which will go a long way compared to being crass. She's looking at you with great disdain because yes, whenever you act as if you're obsessed with sex, naturally you turn her OFF. When you joke around about sex, you sound as if you're hounding her which she finds uncouth.

 

Practice being naturally kind otherwise she'll think that you need to get your head out of the gutter. Be pleasant and nicer naturally without your fixation on sex. Then she'll be more receptive to you because she doesn't feel pressured to have sex with you. Behave yourself. Show class as a man and as her husband.

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I think men would do better to focus a lot less on what they can do to get the results they want, and a lot more on being the man she wants/needs. Most women are going to see through the fake actions i.e. helping with the dishes only when they want to get laid, instead just be the man who does those kinds of things without expecting something in return.

 

It's not what you do, it's who you are.

 

Yes! Credit your partner for an ability to see through manipulation to get what you want, and skip that idea. Most likely, she wants someone who she can trust with her heart, not someone who's running an agenda.

 

Consider that every time you make a juvenile sex joke, you demo that you're dismissive of the kind of intimacy that could help to build her trust.

 

Unless you're willing to build that kind of respectful trust into your everyday life, you're not going to magically lead her to believe that she can ever have it with you in your bedroom.

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So I get the constant joking about sex stuff, however some other questions ….

 

1. If you had to say whats the one thing that turns you on about your man that makes you melt what would it be ...something that can be done at anytime

2. Also if you ever had a major fight or disagreement what did you husband do or say to help you take down your wall during that time? What helped to bring things back to normalcy

 

3. And one random question - if you lived in a house with not enough space for your family to grow, and seem to live in homes that follow that theme in the past and it becomes a crux of making things unhappy what would you do ? Find another home that suited everyone better within your budget, become a landlord and rent and use that towards another home, (unfortunately trying to make it work isn't an option) … space constraint and not building more rooms ..

We are talking no privacy on any end from the neighborhood to the space/bedrooms etc …. We are known to move a lot so far because of this , and even to a new state ...

 

1) There is no such thing. You are thinking in terms of how you can manipulate your wife into having sex, which is dehumanizing to her and thus her comment about not feeling like she is wanted. You are treating her like an appliance not like a person and basically wanting what you want, when you want it, without really looking at what SHE wants and how. You may not mean to act like that, but that's what's happening. It's not strangers online that you should be asking this question - it's your wife. What does she need to feel wanted or turned on or sexual? Only she can answer that and again, it's never just one thing for all occasions. If you asked my SO what turns me on, he'd rattle off a dozen things just off the top of his head, as would I for him. To do that, you have step out of yourself and pay attention more to the other person and their needs, their humanity, what they want and enjoy. Long winded way of saying be less self centered and pay more attention to the needs of others.

 

2) A very sincere "I'm sorry I was an azz" goes a really long way to start the conversation on how to bridge things and patch up.

 

3) What's the point of moving if you keep repeating the same problem - not enough space? Find a bigger place within your budget and that's that. If your marriage is already strained, then the last thing you want is to add roommates to the household which will add more tensions and strain things even more. Make it a priority to find the right amount of space you can both be comfortable with and reduce that stress today.

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