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Divorce at 30 without children


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Hi, first post on here. My husband left me on Friday after 7 years together and 5 years of marriage. For me, it was completely out of the blue, we are 5 weeks away from completing on our new build house and had discussed our forever home and future a lot, even in recent days. Now I feel like my whole future has been ripped from under me and with everything that is going on with self isolation due to coronavirus, I've never felt so alone. I'm also consumed with the thought I may never have children. We had put it off a lot over the years, agreeing we both wanted to be in a house and settled. Subconsciously maybe we both knew something was wrong. In as little as 36 hours I've had 3 people say "at least you didn't have kids", but I dont feel that makes things any easier. I thought I would spend the rest of my life with this man and that children would be on the agenda over the next few years, now I am panicking I'll never get that. Has anyone been in a similar position or even just have any advice in general? Thanks in advance

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I have not, but a close friend is in a similar situation and she is 35, going through a divorce, children were put off twice and she thought she would be pregnant now. It’s a frustrating situation. The only way is through. But you must take time to heal and figure out what you want before you jump into a new situation just to have kids — that is always a bad move (know another couple who did this and now she sleeps in the basement and continues to dither over divorce, which isn’t doing anything great for their kid). Take steps to get better and be healthy for the future. Therapy would probably be a good idea.

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Hi, first post on here. My husband left me on Friday after 7 years together and 5 years of marriage. For me, it was completely out of the blue, we are 5 weeks away from completing on our new build house and had discussed our forever home and future a lot, even in recent days. Now I feel like my whole future has been ripped from under me and with everything that is going on with self isolation due to coronavirus, I've never felt so alone. I'm also consumed with the thought I may never have children. We had put it off a lot over the years, agreeing we both wanted to be in a house and settled. Subconsciously maybe we both knew something was wrong. In as little as 36 hours I've had 3 people say "at least you didn't have kids", but I dont feel that makes things any easier. I thought I would spend the rest of my life with this man and that children would be on the agenda over the next few years, now I am panicking I'll never get that. Has anyone been in a similar position or even just have any advice in general? Thanks in advance

Wow... so sorry this happened, Heather. What was his reason for leaving? Maybe there is a chance for reconciliation. I hope there would be since you had no inkling that he was in anyway unhappy.

 

I haven't had anyone go through this but I do have a past colleague who was ready to move in to a custom new build with her husband and two days after they moved in, he passed away. :(

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Sorry to hear this. What were there signs of trouble? Or signs that he is seeing someone? Where is he staying? Did he want kids, you seem extremely focused on this.

 

Is the house in both your names? Did he abandon the house? Did he file for divorce? The best thing you can do right now is research attorneys and have telephone interviews and to determine where you stand. You can do almost everything to file now without leaving the house. The sooner you file the sooner you freeze all marital assets so he doesn't take off with them. You need to file for divorce before he does.

 

 

Also check hospitals for telemedicine services including virtual group therapy and virtual one-on-one therapy. Reach out to friends and family. Join some virtual support groups and groups that reflect your interests. You need to stop worrying about having kids right now. Your focus is way off. Your focus should be on securing marital assets.

My husband left me on Friday after 7 years together and 5 years of marriage. Subconsciously maybe we both knew something was wrong.
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I'm sorry you were dumped and rejected, Heatherabi. Even though you don't see this now, someday, you'll feel "grateful" that he left you because he's not good enough for you. Later, you'll tell yourself: "Good Riddance!" towards your ex-husband. He wouldn't have made an ideal father anyway so you actually dodged a bullet.

 

I agree with others. Better to call it quits now than be saddled with children with a less than optimal husband, get stuck, perhaps get embroiled in a messy divorce, split the real estate, deal with visitation rights, child support payments and the whole ugly hot mess of it all.

 

He's actually doing you a favor by ending it now as opposed to the future when you'll feel more entrapped.

 

Stay strong and look at the silver lining because now's your chance to start fresh and anew. Hang tough.

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I am so sorry you are going through this. There is no greater heartache in my life than my husband leaving me. I was willing to have him come back so we could work things out, but he did not want to. I didn't even know we were having marriage problems. I know it hurts a lot. It will get better in time. I do recommend talking with a counselor if you are able. That helped me tremendously. God only knows whether or not you can have children, and if they are supposed to be, then they will be. Try not to think about that right now if you can. You never know what the future will bring!!!! Please know you can vent here anytime you need to. You are loved!

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