Jump to content

Violence and Love


Douche

Recommended Posts

Hi, I've been with this girl for almost 4 years and am so madly in love. It started awful as I have a family with 2 kids when I met her and she's married (but no longer together, no financial support to split up legally). I left my family to be with her and got an apartment for me to stay. At first I didn't want her to stay with me cause I did this to clear my head from what I did (leaving my family) But she got mad and insisted. Demanded for the keys. I love her so I gave her access. Months went by and I started to notice how bad she is. There were times when the strings that attached her to her marriage creeps up and it hurts the hell out of me. Random calls from his husband. She has to stay at her husband's parents' place every weekends to take care of her daughter. On top of that, I can't contact her when she's at that place. She has various reasons why she can't attend to her phone. I was just asking for her to update me every once in awhile. We end up fussing about it. EVERY TIME. One time she mentioned about a plan for her family to go overseas for a vacation and I got mad. They had money for that but always made excuses for her legal separation. I mean, I left my family for her and she had the audacity to leave the country for some trip using the money that could've been used for her separation. I was insulted by this and I had some choice words with her. But that isn't half of the problem. She acts as if I'm privileged for having her. Doesn't even acknowledge what I did to be with her. She has this sense of self-entitlement wherein she thinks that she deserves everything I did. I can't open up my feelings about her situation cause that will spark up an argument that will lead to her leaving me. But why??? She doesn't hear me out and there were times that I get so frustrated that I end up hurting her physically. She doesn't see the cause and just sees the effects of what I've done. She never said sorry for neglecting her responsibility as my partner to at least hear my pain. At first instance I was calm and composed. But years went by and she only gotten worse. She dismisses me when I open up or get mad at me for even thinking of it. How could I not think of it???? I wanted a future with her and she doesn't even think of her separation as a priority. Fast forward to this week. My country went under quarantine and complete lockdown due to this pandemic. She had to work from home and "home" means being at her husband's parents' house. Some technicality led to this event. This hurts me but I can't do anything. So we had an argument before she left and took it as a deranged episode from me. She always downplays my frustrations and disappointments which leads to an argument. Well, she left and sent me a message that she will not be coming back then blocked me. She had her reasons and primarily it was because of the physical abuse. I feel bad for hurting her that way. But I was on my wit's end. I want her back. So badly. I read that I shouldn't text her or call but I'm scared of totally losing her. I love her. I gave my family up for her. Any advice on what I should do? I'm at a total loss. Thanks

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Physical abuse is NEVER okay and the fact that you are blaming her for your actions — hurting her and deserting your wife and children — shows that you are unwilling to take responsibility for your actions and decisions. She did the right thing by blocking you and you need to get help so that you never lay hands on another woman again. Get a therapist who specializes in domestic abuse and get to work on yourself and don’t go near another woman. Work on your relationship with your children. You are dangerous and out of control and this is your own doing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This whole situation is so messed up. I am amazed at you and at her for not reporting your abuse to the cops. You acknowledge she's toxic, you list all sorts of things you don't like about her, admit you've been physically abusive to her and yet you love her and want her back?! Listen to how crazy that sounds.

 

At best you are somehow co-dependent, at worst you risk jail time. Forget what you did to be with her and accept that the two of you need to remain split up, for your mental and physical wellbeing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why would she acknowledge YOUR supposed sacrifice when you haven’t even acknowledged YOUR desertion?

 

Not once here did you mention your kids or ex wife

Sorry but that’s pretty lame.

Why would you do that , leave people you love or loved once for someone you don’t even know?

 

Certainly this woman didn’t do the same for you?

 

Why direct your anger at her???

Why not deal with your own misgivings first?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

See I thought of that. The anger and despise could be from the pain that I left my kids for a person that don't understand the gravity of the situation. Like I said. Everything's downplayed when it comes to my feelings. And the story behind why I had to leave my family is an entirely different fiasco.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I totally understand the physical abuse side of things and I feel mortified. There were times when I felt leaving but stayed and gave her a chance to be better. Until this. And now I'm the one at the short end of the sticks. It's sad 'cause it was all about miscommunications and ego. Unnecessary emotions and unjustified insecurities. I know what I did was wrong and intolerable. I'm lucky she didn't press charges. I'm owning my fault and will seek professional help.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

See I thought of that. The anger and despise could be from the pain that I left my kids for a person that don't understand the gravity of the situation. Like I said. Everything's downplayed when it comes to my feelings. And the story behind why I had to leave my family is an entirely different fiasco.

 

You said you left your family for her?

Is that what you tell her?

But telling us now that the story behind why you HAD to leave your family is an entirely different fiasco?

 

For us to understand your point of view and hers , then tell us why you HAD to leave your family?

Tell us the fiasco?

If you don’t , then how can we help?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I had a partner for several years but did not really loved. She loved me but can't reciprocate. I met this girl and fell almost immediately. She knew about my current partner at the time and asked me to choose. I chose her. She promised to work it out, have her separation done legally but always ends up in the trash. I even offered her money but she refused out of pride (all misplaced by the way). I'm in this emotional torture stage where I feel like I did all I could to be with her and in response I get almost absolutely nothing. On top of that, this girl gives me the always jealous of my ex when I already left that person for her. I always had a chip on my shoulder. This person is manipulative and a pathological liar. She once attended a wedding with her husband and lied about it. She told me she was at her husband's parents' house when I called her but when I checked her phone the next day, I saw a video of that wedding. She even tried to deny it. This is so messed up

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So basically no fiasco like you tried to make out.

 

You had children with someone you didn’t love but who loved you. Why? Have you even apologised for that?

Why did you stay with that person and your children but not leave? Before you had children with her? And why stay until some nut job came along?

 

This is on you! Not some chick? Who you are now calling a pathological liar?

She never committed to you?

 

And you left your children for that???

 

Why??!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Change the locks. Do not contact her or see her. She is married and has issues with her husband. Use this opportunity to get her out of the apt and out of your life. Focus on your kids and being the best dad you can be and work on a better co-parenting situation with their mother.

she got mad and insisted. Demanded for the keys.

Random calls from his husband. S

I left my family for her

She had to work from home and "home" means being at her husband's parents' house.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Have you thought for a minute what you did to your wife or kids? I am thinking not. You are too selfish and entitled to think of any but yourself. On top of it you are an abusive SOB! I hope that she calls the police and you get locked up. You are the only one responsible for the abuse.

 

Your kids will never forget what YOU did to them.

 

End this and get some help.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So it’s okay to lay hands on her because she neglected her duty as your partner? Even if she was the worst girlfriend in the world you never lay your hands on someone!

 

I get you feel bad but you need therapy so you don’t do that again. I’m sorry but this girl has every right to block you. You’re best bet? Anger management and self reflection.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I also do not understand how one can proclaim to love someone they beat.

 

Well, according to Douche (apt name, BTW), it was HER fault for not behaving appropriately in the relationship.

 

Typical abuser talk, blaming the person they're hitting.

 

OP, please see a therapist who specializes in abuse so you can stop thinking there's ever a good excuse to hit people.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, according to Douche (apt name, BTW), it was HER fault for not behaving appropriately in the relationship.

 

Typical abuser talk, blaming the person they're hitting.

 

OP, please see a therapist who specializes in abuse so you can stop thinking there's ever a good excuse to hit people.

 

I didn't see his screen name, but you are right, it is appropriate!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...