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Boyfriend doesnt trust me. Will he leave?


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He sounds like a terrible father. No visits and no support. How can you respect a man like this?

 

Have you seen any messages between him and his ex? he is policing your behavior.

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He sounds like a terrible father. No visits and no support. How can you respect a man like this?

 

Have you seen any messages between him and his ex? he is policing your behavior.

 

No i havent seen any messages between them but i dont think they message all that much. Maybe once a day or every couple of days.

 

And he had no money to give out. We struggle to make ends meet as it is. We rarely go out and i have cut his smoking down to save on money.

 

And he had no visits as he said she would not allow him to see the children and had conditions as to when he could which included her being present

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I was just trying to get clarification as to why people thought what they do as i dont think there is enough substantial evidence to suggest that they are already reconcilling.

 

I'll try to play lawyer here for a moment.

 

Let's start with the "mystery man," and the specifics there, right down to your brand of birth control. Who, in your life, has that information aside from him? Small number, I assume. In that small pool who would want to hurt you, ruin your relationship? Do you have a catty friend? A jealous, dramatic ex in orbit? If the answer is no, then it just points back to him. And her.

 

People show you who they are, if you're willing to listen. Example: He seems to talk to you a lot about his ex—her house, her feelings, her desire to get back together, and so on. That is a character trait, and if you put your ego aside, and stop thinking of that as some show of trust, it's easy to imagine that he has probably talked to her about you in one of their numerous heated exchanges. Who knows the whens, the hows, the whys—doesn't matter.

 

Given the specifics here, he is the only person who had the "mystery man"'s information and she is the only person who would gain by your relationship with him ending—either because she wants him back, or because she's hurt and petty and wants to hurt him back. The icing on the cake, really, is that he opted not to meet this person—because, well, he knows this person doesn't exist. He knows it's a phantom created by him, his ex, and the roiling drama between them.

 

Make sense? You can choose to break your brain to try to come up with a different story, but those stories don't hold water.

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I'll try to play lawyer here for a moment.

 

Let's start with the "mystery man," and the specifics there, right down to your brand of birth control. Who, in your life, has that information aside from him? Small number, I assume. In that small pool who would want to hurt you, ruin your relationship? Do you have a catty friend? A jealous, dramatic ex in orbit? If the answer is no, then it just points back to him. And her.

 

People show you who they are, if you're willing to listen. Example: He seems to talk to you a lot about his ex—her house, her feelings, her desire to get back together, and so on. That is a character trait, and if you put your ego aside, and stop thinking of that as some show of trust, it's easy to imagine that he has probably talked to her about you in one of their numerous heated exchanges. Who knows the whens, the hows, the whys—doesn't matter.

 

Given the specifics here, he is the only person who had the "mystery man"'s information and she is the only person who would gain by your relationship with him ending—either because she wants him back, or because she's hurt and petty and wants to hurt him back. The icing on the cake, really, is that he opted not to meet this person—because, well, he knows this person doesn't exist. He knows it's a phantom created by him, his ex, and the roiling drama between them.

 

Make sense? You can choose to break your brain to try to come up with a different story, but those stories don't hold water.

 

There are a few people with access to the information and a few people i believe would do something like that so i cant point it towards him, or even her as much as i would love to be able to. Also it was him that originally suggested going to the police.

 

He doesnt really speak to me about her, he tells me a few things but others i hear through people at work that know her as well as him and have her on social media. He did tell me about the house but thats about it really. And that it was best if she didnt see me. So i dont believe they would be talking about me as he is too worried that she will use me to come between him and the children again

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So he has money for cigarettes but no money to feed his own children.

 

This guy sounds like a real catch, Rosie. And that's sarcasm.

 

What on earth attracts you to this guy? Surely there are better men around, but you insist on attaching yourself to a deadbeat dad who flip flops between you and his kids' mother (yes, he is) and who is pretending not to trust you.

 

Holy cow...

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What advice are you really seeking from us at this point, Rosie?

What i can do about him not trusting me.

 

Whether i should be worried about his ex - which everyone has made clear i should.

 

And this one is only since hearing peoples opinions.... why people think they are already reconcilling and have a heated emotional connection. How have people come to those conclusions?

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Rosie, we already answered this. Look throughout the thread and see how many times you asked that same question and how many times people answered it.

 

He tried to go see her again. You will refuse to believe it has to do with anything other than seeing the kids who he doesn't bother to support because he'd rather buy cigarettes for himself. His so called ex has all the material things he wants and he is apparently all about that, given that he saw fit to mention them to you.

 

You will insist on hanging in there until he leaves to live with her. It'll be a sad day for you but you have all the evidence right in front of you, you just want him so badly (Lord knows why) so you'll ignore all of it.

 

It's too bad, you seem to have a good heart but that guy doesn't deserve your good heart.

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What i can do about him not trusting me.

 

Whether i should be worried about his ex - which everyone has made clear i should.

 

And this one is only since hearing peoples opinions.... why people think they are already reconcilling and have a heated emotional connection. How have people come to those conclusions?

well, personally, I came to those conclusions because he's asking you to drive him to her home, where he spends hours with her and he's so concerned that she will see you, that he makes you drop him off wherein he (likely) lies to her about how he got there. He is keeping you hidden in order to please her. You are naive and of such low self worth that you hide and therefore enable him to do that very disrespectful and shameful thing to you. When he knows you are that gullible, he is going to be intimate knowing you won't be confident enough to leave.

 

It's sad reading what you allow for yourself if you want the honest truth.

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well, personally, I came to those conclusions because he's asking you to drive him to her home, where he spends hours with her and he's so concerned that she will see you, that he makes you drop him off wherein he (likely) lies to her about how he got there. He is keeping you hidden in order to please her. You are naive and of such low self worth that you hide and therefore enable him to do that very disrespectful and shameful thing to you. When he knows you are that gullible, he is going to be intimate knowing you won't be confident enough to leave.

 

It's sad reading what you allow for yourself if you want the honest truth.

 

He was only there for around 2-3 hours. But yes i think he told her he used public transport.

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He tried to go see her again. You will refuse to believe it has to do with anything other than seeing the kids who he doesn't bother to support because he'd rather buy cigarettes for himself.

 

Why is it so hard to believe that it might actually be nothing more than missing his children?

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Rosie, I think he could come home smelling of her and covered with hickeys and you'd still stay. You really, really want this guy. You can't even explain why you do, but you do.

 

I'm sorry, you are in for at the very least a very stressful and anxious time.

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One hour is enough time to get bizzy. Hell, a quicky can take 2 - 3 minutes... so I'm not sure why you take solace in the fact he "was only there for 2-3 hours?"

 

I understand that but also know how much he missed his children. It took them over a week to meet after she contacted him and i really have no reason to believe anything would have happened between them. 2 hours seeing and playing with the children is not that long of a time and i doubt they wouldve had a chance for anything to have happened anyway. Especially since they dont really seemed to have even talked all that much. He has told me about the games he was playing with the children in his time there.

 

 

Rosie, I think he could come home smelling of her and covered with hickeys and you'd still stay. You really, really want this guy. You can't even explain why you do, but you do.

 

I'm sorry, you are in for at the very least a very stressful and anxious time.

 

He most definitely could not. I just have no reason right now to believe anything has happened. If i knew it had it would be a totally different story

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You can pretend you don't see what's right in front of you but that will only last until the proof/evidence screams at you. And even then you can choose to ignore it.

 

There is a current active thread about a wife who saw for herself that her husband was being unfaithful and she is asking for ways to stay in the marriage. Some people will stay no matter what because they don't respect or care for themselves. They hold onto people who aren't worthy of their love because they don't want to be single losers.

 

I know, because I did it. I hung onto a lying cheater because I thought if he didn't love me I wasn't worth anything. I was wrong. Having him out of my life improved it tremendously. I am so, so glad I have nothing to do with him anymore.

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The other thing i am having a hard time figuring out is, she has made it clear to people that she wants him back and has contacted him to ask him to see the children which he has done, but why does she not really message him? From what he has said when they were in contact before she used to message almost constantly so why this time is she not? He tells me he has messaged her to ask how the children are and that seems to be the only times the speak. If she is so desperate to get him back why does she not seem to be trying?

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I know they have children together and i trust him but i also know she still wants him back.

 

Im worried that now shes back in the picture and we are arguing about him trusting me that he is going to start leaning more towards her as he can see what he gave up to be with me. He has already told me she is living a better life than us and a better life than they had before breaking up.

 

and

 

The other thing i am having a hard time figuring out is, she has made it clear to people that she wants him back and has contacted him to ask him to see the children which he has done, but why does she not really message him? From what he has said when they were in contact before she used to message almost constantly so why this time is she not? He tells me he has messaged her to ask how the children are and that seems to be the only times the speak. If she is so desperate to get him back why does she not seem to be trying?

 

Are you saying that she does want him back, or that she doesn't?

 

Either way, she's going to be in his life in some capacity or other for a while, and you need to ask yourself if you want to be in a relationship where there are three of you.

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Are you saying that she does want him back, or that she doesn't?

 

Either way, she's going to be in his life in some capacity or other for a while, and you need to ask yourself if you want to be in a relationship where there are three of you.

I have been told by a few people that she most definitely does and that she will do whatever it takes to make it happen so i am confused as to why she does not message him or seem to be trying to get him back

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You're going in circles.

 

I can see the only thing you want to hear is that you two will stay together and be blissfully happy for eternity. Never mind that the guy is a deadbeat dad who has spent time with his ex and would have spent more time with her if he'd been able to. You think this is a wonderful man for some reason.

 

Good luck.

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You're going in circles.

 

I can see the only thing you want to hear is that you two will stay together and be blissfully happy for eternity. Never mind that the guy is a deadbeat dad who has spent time with his ex and would have spent more time with her if he'd been able to. You think this is a wonderful man for some reason.

 

Good luck.

 

No i am just curious.

Is it a case of she doesnt actually want him back?

Is it some kind of game she is playing?

 

I just dont know

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Rosie, how did you meet this guy?

 

And how long had they been broken up when you got together?

 

We met at work whilst they were still together. He left her to be with me so we got together very soon after they broke up. Within a few days, weeks at most

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We met at work whilst they were still together. He left her to be with me so we got together very soon after they broke up. Within a few days, weeks at most

 

I see.

 

You have a lot in common with this person:

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=562165

 

This one too:

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=561876

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