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Bumble match is acting weird. Where to go from here?


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He's 33, I'm 24. Been talking to a guy for about a month now on Bumble, we've been talking almost every day. He mentioned that he's on the app looking for a relationship. All the good signs, get along, have good chats etcetera. Bear with me while I talk about dates so it's clearer. On the 4th of this month, I replied to him about something, he responded and I had a very busy week/weekend so I didn't reply to him until the 9th, so 5 days later. He didn't ask a question, it was just a statement. He then replied the next day at a specific time, I replied an hour later and then he didn't reply until the next day at that exact same time again as he did the day before. He repeated this again the next day, so three times total. Very unusual as our previous chats were not like that. Almost like he was trying to get back at me for not talking to him for 5 days (who knows). Anyway, in these recent messages, he asked me about us grabbing a drink, I had a busy week ahead (last weekend) planned so I suggested a Monday (yesterday). He replied to that message saying he could do it but jokingly he might feel like an alcoholic, assuming he would be having a big weekend and Monday would be off the charts. I sort of abruptly replied saying 'let's aim for later in this week' (meaning this week), that was 4 days ago and yes it's only Tuesday now. I haven't heard from him.

 

His location (distance from me doesn't come up and hasn't come up for a long time), I assume most of the time he snoozes the app as during that time when I didn't respond to him for 4 days, it said 'welcome name back, he's online', so maybe he was using that also as a method to tell me that he's online and searching.

 

What should I do? Do I reach out or just wait to see if he texts me this week for a drink? For those that think I should cease it and move on, do I unmatch him?

 

**TL;DR** guy, I matched with on bumble and we've been talking for a month, I suddenly didn't reply to him for about 4 days (as his message wasn't a question) and he seems to be doing it back to me.

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I didn't reply to him until the 9th, so 5 days later... I suddenly didn't reply to him for about 4 days (as his message wasn't a question) and he seems to be doing it back to me.

 

He treats you the same as you treated him and it is a problem for you? Whether it was 5 days or 4 days, I don't see how you have a right to complain when you imply he should just been fine with how long you took to get back to him. No-one is ever so busy that they can't take 30 seconds out of their 4 or 5 "busy" days to reply to a simple message, assuming they wish for anything to develop with the other person. I personally wouldn't bother with someone who takes 4 or 5 days to get back to me as it doesn't match my communication style.

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I'd guess that when you didn't contact him for 5 days, he felt as rejected and puzzled as you do now. Add to that, when it looked as though you two were going to have a drink, you blew him off again ('let's aim for later in this week'). My guess is that he's given up on you. He may well be contacting other people, too.

 

If I were you, I'd just leave it. If you like him, don't unmatch him - and leave that particular door open.

 

In future, if you match with someone and you think it could go somewhere, put yourself in that other person's position as you think about your interactions. E.g. What would you think if they didn't contact you for five days? If they made an abrupt response to an essentially jokey comment and put off a meet?

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Texting and messaging is not dating. You need to meet in person asap. Anyone would get bored/frustrated with someone who insists on chitchat and refuses to meet. It's unclear who is stalling and why, but this much stalling indicates low interest. It would be best to start messaging and meeting other men and meet on person in a timely fashion. If you are too busy to date, take a break from the app.

he asked me about us grabbing a drink, I had a busy week ahead
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I would unmatch with this person. When you match with someone online, chat up a bit and then, if there's enough interest, plan to meet.

 

Days in between responses usually indicates lack of Interest.

 

If he is punishing you for not responding for 5 days, that's an indication of incompatibility or lack of Interest or a crappy person or he just is assuming that maybe you're a catfish, but he's afraid to cut the cord because he doesn't have a lot of matches. Who knows??m

 

Thing about online dating is, it's a way to connect with other singles and meet in real life. If you're not meeting in real life after a couple days of talking you're wasting your time.

 

Lastly if you're interested in someone don't wait 5 days to respond to them.

 

Live and learn meet someone else.

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Texting and messaging is not dating. You need to meet in person asap. Anyone would get bored/frustrated with someone who insists on chitchat and refuses to meet. It's unclear who is stalling and why, but this much stalling indicates low interest. It would be best to start messaging and meeting other men and meet on person in a timely fashion. If you are too busy to date, take a break from the app.

 

This is gospel.

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To be honest, it sounds like you two are playing a game of cat & mouse.

 

Scheduling a quick meet up at this point shouldn't be this difficult; nor should you be questioning things so much.

 

I'd stick a fork in this and be done. Unmatching would most likely be your best solution because I can't see things getting any better.

 

And speaking from experience, if you haven't met up within two weeks (although there may be a justifiable exception here & there if it hasn't happened - i.e. - on vacation, out of town for work, etc.), I think you're wasting your time.

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At this point there seems to be a very low level of interest from both of you. If you're still actually interested, I would have an actual phone conversation and set up a firm time to meet. Otherwise I would just move on.

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My experience in online dating is like what Wiseman2 said. Engange in a flowing conversation, get to know them, meet them in person, decide to remain friends, pursue a romantic relationship or say adios, move on to the next. In the process of doing all these, be respectful, treat the way you would like to be treated, be forthcoming of what you want and expect, offer flexibility as life happens! Goodluck. Many out there to meet.

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