Jump to content
'

Is this common? Am i being selfish?


Recommended Posts

I’m not so new at the dating life but i’ve had some personal growth for a couple of months and haven’t had sex in a while. i met a guy at my work who’s 9 years older than me. He always pressures me to have sex with him and even when i don’t want to, we end up doing it. He always makes me healthy foods/drinks. He gives me life lessons and advice. helps me maintain a better lifestyle and gets me motivated to workout/read and write and go on adventures, Which i love! I always smoke with him and then i go to his place. Every time i say no,... he always forces me. I feel the one being selfish for everything he does and not giving back in return but I also feel like he should respect if i don’t feel like it. What do you guys think?

Link to post
Share on other sites

So a smoothy makes you obligated to have sex with him?

 

Turn down the smoothy and get one at Juice It Up or buy a blender.

 

You don't need his manipulative life lessons.

 

If I were you I'd kick him to the curb. If you need a boyfriend look for one who doesn't want you to endure transactional sex.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

He forces you to have sex when you don't want to... what a prize!

 

That's on top of him telling you how to live your life...! This guy is a controller, and you will continue to be vulnerable to this sort of character until you decide that you can live more healthily and lead a full life all on your own. THIS is where you should be focusing as part of your personal growth.

 

Ditch this guy, and run, run, run like the wind. It sounds like it's early days at the moment, but being with someone who behaves like this will have a devastating effect on your self-esteem in the long run. There's a very good book called 'Men who hate women, and the women who love them', which you may find interesting.

 

Incidentally, the scenarios you describe in your original post would be described in the UK as 'Coercive Control' - which is a crime.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Have you not enough confidence to tell him "no" and do so forcefully? Do you think he would rape you if you actually turned down his advances instead of caving to them?

 

I don't mean to come across as insensitive but apparently there is a part of you that likes to be overtaken or you wouldn't keep going back for more.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Why don't you dump this coworker and figure out if you are really interested in the other guy you have been hanging out with for 5 months and then go from there?

 

This older guy sounds like he is trying to be your father, not your bf and ANY MAN that forces you to have sex with him needs to be removed from your life today!

 

This is your life and your choice so stand up for yourself and stop thinking your body is a commodity to be offered for some advice and a smoothie.

 

I am sure you can do way better than either one of these guys

 

Lost

Link to post
Share on other sites
I know. I honestly look like someone who doesn’t smoke but.. i smoke A lot. Almost everyday

 

Yes, as Wiseman says - smoking what?

 

Is this guy regarding you as a project, someone he can rescue, in exchange for using you for sex when he feels like it?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Yes, as Wiseman says - smoking what?

 

Is this guy regarding you as a project, someone he can rescue, in exchange for using you for sex when he feels like it?

 

Good question but, I hardly think she cares if the only thing she addressed when she came back in is that she's a human smoke stack?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Good question but, I hardly think she cares if the only thing she addressed when she came back in is that she's a human smoke stack?

 

I read all of them. I was going to write back at 2Am....

I don’t want to see this guy anymore.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Yes, as Wiseman says - smoking what?

 

Is this guy regarding you as a project, someone he can rescue, in exchange for using you for sex when he feels like it?

 

no. I don’t want to portray it that way. He wasn’t using me. I just wanted to know and hang out with him because i always ask him if he wants to smoke. yet it’s his. Always says yes. It’s my craving and it sucks. I always associate with people like this and I just want to find someone who genuinely cares.

Link to post
Share on other sites
So a smoothy makes you obligated to have sex with him?

 

Turn down the smoothy and get one at Juice It Up or buy a blender.

 

You don't need his manipulative life lessons.

 

If I were you I'd kick him to the curb. If you need a boyfriend look for one who doesn't want you to endure transactional sex.

 

That’s the thing.. I don’t want a boyfriend. I want someone who i can spend time with, And also i can grow with at the same time. (I had before... But only through the phone).

Thank you

I don’t feel the connection too much anymore

Link to post
Share on other sites
Why don't you dump this coworker and figure out if you are really interested in the other guy you have been hanging out with for 5 months and then go from there?

 

This older guy sounds like he is trying to be your father, not your bf and ANY MAN that forces you to have sex with him needs to be removed from your life today!

 

This is your life and your choice so stand up for yourself and stop thinking your body is a commodity to be offered for some advice and a smoothie.

 

I am sure you can do way better than either one of these guys

 

Lost

 

This got me. **

Link to post
Share on other sites

Then buy your own cigarettes, pot, healthy food or whatever and find some friends. Having sex with a coworker in exchange for food, drugs, cigarettes, pot whatever is a bad situation.

That’s the thing.. I don’t want a boyfriend. I want someone who i can spend time with
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...