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How to tell a friend I slept with her ex


Amebede
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So I slept with my best friend’s ex boyfriend. He was also my guy best friend at the time it happened. My best friend had broken up with him about two years ago and is now in a happy relationship. Besides, there were no hard feelings between the two of them and they remain friends.

 

Me and this guy got drunk last night and it unexpectedly happened. I believe the right thing is to let my friend know, except I don’t know how to tell her. Any advice?

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wait a minute... what are you and this guy thinking about this?

 

You said he was your guy best friend. Do you plan to start dating?

 

While I agree its no one's business. I mean, seriously, its been two years, she is with someone else. It is not a betrayal. But why are you telling her? Just to be honest?

 

I'd only tell, if it was going to be a dating situation. And I would not give details greater than that. I don't care who you are to me, you don't need to know my sex life. That is strictly between me and my partner. End of story.

 

I don't ask my coupled friends how often they do it or what is happening with them... its a private.

 

But if you plan to date, I agree tell her, so she hears it from you. But you certainly don't need permission.

 

I have been on both sides of this equation. I have chosen not to date because it was too weird. A guy dated my sister! of all people. ew! And a couple times, my friends got some sloppy seconds, from me. I always rose above it. Let people do what they want and I'm free to do what I want.

 

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The best time to tell her is never. It’s none of her business. You and him are two adults who decided to sleep together. That is an activity that should be shared by you and him alone. It’s a private matter, which is something I’m sure you already know. Do you tell other people who you sleep with? I presume and hope not. Your friend is no different.

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The right thing would have been not to let things "unexpectedly happen". Now that you did, the right thing is to say nothing unless you are planning on dating him. Even then, there would be no need to tell her anything more than that you are seeing each other. There is no point in spelling out the sex part.

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If this was to form into a relationship, then I think it might be something you would mention, 'before they found out through someone else'. But at the moment, you had a sly drunken shag you've probably been wanting to have for a while anyway, so unless it develops further keep it to yourself.

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It's the wrong thing to do. It's TMI. Why bother her with this info? Are you jealous that she has a new happy relationship and you're hooking up with randoms?

My best friend had broken up with him about two years ago and is now in a happy relationship.

 

Me and this guy got drunk last night and it unexpectedly happened. I believe the right thing is to let my friend know

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You had a one night stand out of convenience it seems.

 

And you want to tell your “best” friend?

I get that you want to tell your friend about your night but really couldn’t you just have slept with someone else???

 

And this was only last night???

 

It doesn’t sound like you or this guy are interested in a repeat performance so why not leave it as it was??

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What would be your purpose in talking about the sex?

 

If you intend to become a couple with the guy, you can pick an appropriate time, such as when you and GF responding time together, and then gently tell her that you see your friendship with Guy'sName developing into something romantic.

 

That's it. You don't need to give her details, even if she asks. If you opt to do so, then don't fool yourself about that 'just being honest,' it's an agenda. In that case. figure out what motivates you to rub friend's nose in this, and then make a better choice.

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Here's another vote for not telling her. It's none of her business, and I suspect she'd wonder about your motives if you did so.

 

If they were still together, that would be different. If it looks as though this is going to develop into a relationship, it would be a good idea to mention it, to forestall any potential future embarrassment.

 

Otherwise, after two years and in a relationship... nah, she doesn't want to know....

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