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6 Days of Joy Ended Suddenly


DenverDude
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I met a woman a week ago and we really hit it off. We have spent 5 nights together – all night. Our time together felt magical. We would send each other an e-mail in the morning, or she would call, and we felt connected. I could tell that she was really into me. Heck, she had asked me out.

Three days ago I told her I was getting together with my neighbors last night and that we were going out. I invited her and she was happy about that.

Well, this past Friday AM I sent her a quick e-mail to say “hi” and tell her I was thinking about her.

No response.

Later in the day I had a missed call from her, but there was no voicemail (I hate texting). To me, that’s a lukewarm attempt at contacting me.

Last night I went out with my neighbors and I was a little bummed. I drank a lot and when I got home I sent her a quick e-mail that said “we missed you.” (It was my neighbor’s suggestion).

Finally, I just received an e-mail from the woman: “I wish I would have known.”

Wow. I am usually perceptive, but I am LOST with this.

Any suggestions on what’s going on here?

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Yes... you stood her up. WT? didn't you call her and confirm the date? You also saw that she had called, why not call her back even if she didn't leave a message?

 

I'll also go as far as to say that spending five days with someone you just meant sounds like she may have needed a hotel and you were free so win, win for her for a week. (that's if you don't hear from her again that is).

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I met a woman a week ago and we really hit it off. We have spent 5 nights together – all night. Our time together felt magical. We would send each other an e-mail in the morning, or she would call, and we felt connected. I could tell that she was really into me. Heck, she had asked me out.

Three days ago I told her I was getting together with my neighbors last night and that we were going out. I invited her and she was happy about that.

Well, this past Friday AM I sent her a quick e-mail to say “hi” and tell her I was thinking about her.

No response.

Later in the day I had a missed call from her, but there was no voicemail (I hate texting). To me, that’s a lukewarm attempt at contacting me.

Last night I went out with my neighbors and I was a little bummed. I drank a lot and when I got home I sent her a quick e-mail that said “we missed you.” (It was my neighbor’s suggestion).

Finally, I just received an e-mail from the woman: “I wish I would have known.”

Wow. I am usually perceptive, but I am LOST with this.

Any suggestions on what’s going on here?

 

How did you tell her this? Via phone call, in person, or via text or email?

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It sounds like there’s a lack of both communication and boundaries on both of your parts. Spending five consecutive nights with someone you’ve just met is awfully rushed. I would suggest slowing down and keeping the lines of communication open if you wish to try and establish a healthy connection with this person.

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My impression from your post is that you struggle to sit with yourself without a lot of attention. Five days in a row? Great, fun! But if you've ever tried to drive with the gas only floored, you know what happens: a crash of some sort.

 

You emailed her last night, and she responded this morning. That, to my eyes, is a prompt response. Wondering why, to yours, it is her "finally" responding. Seems like a fine moment to ask what she's up to over the next few days and make a plan to see each other again. Simple. If she's still feeling you, you guys will continue to feel this thing out.

 

I never leave voicemails, for what it's worth. Not with my best friends, my girlfriend, my mother—unless it is something critical. They will see that I called, and, as such, they will reach out when they can. A lot of people, I think, use telephones in this manner in 2020. She called you. You could have called back, though you choose to judge her lack of voicemail as a sign that she is lukewarm.

 

What is up, do you think, with that? Are you more interested in proving that women don't like you than being open to the idea that they do? Why all the tests with someone you hardly know?

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I could have handled this differently. She called me a few minutes ago and we had a good talk. She was upset with the situation and my lack of follow-up. She was waiting for me to call her. I am trying to walk that fine line between being caring and assertive with being overwhelming. It isn't easy.

I listened to her concerns, agreed that I could have handled things differently, and I feel bad that I made her feel bad. That was not my intent.

We will see each other tonight.

 

This is a huge violation of the business I am in, but she rents an apartment that I own. I

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She was upset with the situation and my lack of follow-up.
Of course she was. It was clear from your opening post that you didn't follow up with her and confirm the date to meed with friends with her.

 

This is a huge violation of the business I am in, but she rents an apartment that I own
Well, that blows my theory out of the water that she was using your place as a hotel. lol

 

In the future, for goodness sakes follow up on invitations and make sure that the two of you are keyed up for dates. If she calls and doesn't leave a message then call.her.back.

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Just wanted to say, its very mixed messaging. spending 5 days together and then not reaching out on the day of actual plans.

 

Also know it is universally known that we are all connected to our phone 24/7. So even if she didnt leave a message, you can see she called. If you are on good/speaking terms, why wouldn't you call her back?

 

Me and just every person I know calls and does not leave a message... we call each other back anyway. you know why? because we're friends, family, colleagues... we see our loved one called and we CALL BACK!

 

GEEZ....

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Just wanted to say, its very mixed messaging. spending 5 days together and then not reaching out on the day of actual plans.

 

Also know it is universally known that we are all connected to our phone 24/7. So even if she didnt leave a message, you can see she called. If you are on good/speaking terms, why wouldn't you call her back?

 

Me and just every person I know calls and does not leave a message... we call each other back anyway. you know why? because we're friends, family, colleagues... we see our loved one called and we CALL BACK!

 

GEEZ....

 

It's about 50/50 with me. Some people leave a message and some don't. In this case she had already left me voicemails. When I didn't get one this time I thought maybe she pocket-dialed me. But it turns out that my e-mail to her the day before was vague and she was a little annoyed. She has a good point and I apologized. In the future we won't leave messages and I will return her missed calls.

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It's about 50/50 with me. Some people leave a message and some don't. In this case she had already left me voicemails. When I didn't get one this time I thought maybe she pocket-dialed me. But it turns out that my e-mail to her the day before was vague and she was a little annoyed. She has a good point and I apologized. In the future we won't leave messages and I will return her missed calls.
its a good policy, even if you text back to see if they called.
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Last week was incredible - until Friday. We talked on the phone yesterday and she came over for a few glasses of wine last night and then went home (a block away). She said she was really tired. It was a 180 degree shift from last week, and I feel deflated. Things just didn't feel the same. She went from very hot to cold during our couple of days apart because of a miscommunication. It killed the deal and it's very unfortunate. I am not going to contact her again unless I hear from her. At this point it feels dead. I was very kind to her last night and upbeat, but I will give her time to think and breathe.

Early in the game it's really easy to make a mistake. It's how it's handled that makes the difference. If it is a deal breaker for her, it wasn't meant to be.

If I give her some space and I hear back from her, I would be happy. If I don't, I'll be bummed, but life goes on.

Edited by DenverDude
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While having wine, did she tell you, "I'm sorry to say, but the deal is killed due to all that miscommunication"? Or did she tell you she was tired, after some wine and chitchat?

 

I ask because you seem wound a bit tight, needing only July 4th fireworks to unwind and relax. It was Sunday. There's a global health pandemic. And, yeah, you had a little hiccup on the communication front. So things were a bit more tepid—doesn't really have to be the biggest deal.

 

And, again, unless she explicitly asked you not to contact her, do know you're doing the exact same thing, communication-wise, that got you to this uncomfortable place. You're backing off preemptively, and signaling to her that you're not interested.

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You are right. The fact is that I am out of practice with this stuff and am a little off my game. I have to find a way to balance my interest with giving her the room she needs.

She said she was tired even before she came over. The fireworks and joy can't continue forever, of course, but the abrupt turn is a little jarring. Hey, that might be normal.

I have started watching Corey Wayne and have downloaded his e-book. I think he's great. I will learn from him how to fix what I am doing wrong and to treat her right. Or the next woman.

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I don't know who Corey Wayne is, but I'd really suggest chilling out on that approach. You're already turning this into a game, which is the whole problem, so bringing in a new coach is just going to amp that up 10x.

 

She is a person. You are a person. Be yourself, your authentic self, not some self molded to attract and accommodate her or "win" this game by creating fireworks. It might all work. It might not. That's the bottom line of dating, exploring things, and no internet expert can change the odds. People aren't prey, but just people, and all they want is to be treated as such.

 

Inhale, exhale. Zoom out a bit and this "abrupt" turn isn't really so abrupt. Abrupt would be being ghosted. A woman you hardly know, and are vibing with, came over for some wine. Great. Three days ago you were driving 100 mph, now you're going 50—a fine speed for a journey. A safer speed, even. Respect the fact that maybe, just maybe, she is being safe, protecting herself a bit and, by extension, this little connection you've got going, you're both exploring.

 

So let her know you had a nice time, would like to see her again, and ask when she's free. It's really that simple, since that is simply what you'd like: your authentic self. If she'd like the same thing, she will let you know. If not, she will also let you know. Both of those outcomes are equally okay.

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Corey Wayne is a "dating coach" who has these methods he claims will attract women. They involve playing games and acting in an insincere manner.

 

Please do not behave in an inauthentic way to try to attract women. Those tactics are transparent and no intelligent woman will be fooled.

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Thanks, all.

Bluecastle - some good advice there. I don't want to play games and I don't want to do anything that's manipulative or dishonest. I will just be myself. With a good person and compatible that should always work.

 

She sent me a nice e-mail yesterday morning and I responded. She then called me at night to come over, and I did. We had a wonderful time. We were in each other's arms all night.

 

I sent her a quick e-mail this morning but haven't heard back (at's almost 5 PM). Part of me is insecure and a little worried, as I second guess the last time we were together, but I am going to relax and give her time to respond. Very natural.

 

BTW, I have Corey's book and have watched a lot of his videos. I didn't get the impression that he was a little less than forthright with his approach. Good to know.

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Why aren't you setting up regular dates?

 

Good question, but this is not a normal situation. It took her 11 hours to respond to my e-mail to her yesterday. She said that she liked seeing me in her bed while she got ready for work yesterday morning. She thought it was sexy. She then agreed with a comment that I had made about the little things in life being so good. But that was it.

Yesterday morning when I woke up with her I said how nice it would be to wake up with her on a rainy morning. She then said, "yes, and a snowy morning, a hot summer morning, a fall morning..."

 

I get flashes of interest from her, but then nothing. Just an observation.

 

I don't feel the unhealthy tension from before, and I will let this breathe...

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Good question, but this is not a normal situation. It took her 11 hours to respond to my e-mail to her yesterday.
So? What has that got to do with you setting up a date?

 

She said that she liked seeing me in her bed while she got ready for work yesterday morning. She thought it was sexy.
Even more reason for you to set something up to do OUTSIDE of the bedroom. If you just want casual sex then contact her when your horney.

 

She then agreed with a comment that I had made about the little things in life being so good. But that was it.
So? What is your point. She doesn't want to be wasting time in idle chit chat that does not include you making plans to see her again.

Yesterday morning when I woke up with her I said how nice it would be to wake up with her on a rainy morning. She then said, "yes, and a snowy morning, a hot summer morning, a fall morning..."
Sorry to be blunt but you are clueless. What do you want out of this coupling? A relationship? A eff buddy? A chat buddy? Figure it out and act accordingly. You are crossing EFF buddy boundaries by staying overnight but you are not nurturing this enough to make it a relationship. You are trying to make her your chat buddy which she isn't fussy on.

 

I get flashes of interest from her, but then nothing. Just an observation.
Well you observe wrong. Set up a date so do something other than schtuup. If she turns you down then you know that she just wants casual sex. I doubt that is what she wants though. She is giving you a lot of clues that you should initiate more than you are. (and I'm not talking about lame texting)

 

I don't feel the unhealthy tension from before, and I will let this breathe...
Then you do you and stop worrying about what HER intentions are. If you're going to be indifferent then you shouldn't expect anything more than that from her.

 

She was upset with the situation and my lack of follow-up.
She has already told you before that she was upset with your lack of follow-up and here you are yet again going to "let this breathe." SMH

 

Figure out what your end goal wants to be with her and then act accordingly. First you have to know what you want. You don't seem to have figured that out yet.

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I get what you are saying and I appreciate your taking the time to respond. I am not normally so clueless. I should have mentioned that every bar, restaurant, and coffee shop is closed. The city I live in has effectively been shut down. That makes dating hard.

I wanted to do something for dinner, so I told her I would like to order from a restaurant and have her over for dinner. Her response: "You don't have to reciprocate for my making you dinner." Wow.

When we had our late night dinner the other day she knows I don't eat oil or animal products, and she was going out of her way to mention that and cook that way for me. She gave me a beer and asked me several times if it is okay, or if I wanted a different one.

I get the feeling that she wants to please me, but doesn't want me to do that to her.

I don't know what I want in the relationship - or what she wants. I do know that when I am with her the rest of the world goes away and I love every second that we are together.

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Her response: "You don't have to reciprocate for my making you dinner."

 

To which you charmingly respond, "I know I don't have to, but I'd love to. How's 7:30 for you?"

 

Boom. Right there you show her that you are confident, chivalrous, someone who wants to make her happy, and the fun gets spread around in ways that expands, creates security, and starts answering some questions of whether you guys are compatible in the business of romance and dating, weird times be damned.

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