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So depressed after seeing her on a dating app


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We broke up a gew years ago as I had to move away for studies but now I'm relatively close to where she is. The last time I spoke to her she had a new bf and I tried to blank her out of my life as I still had feelings for her. This was a while ago.

 

Then when I was casually swiping through on a dating app I seen her and my heart sunk. She looked beautiful. I went on to her fb profile that I hadn't been on for over a couple of years and seen everything shes been doing in her life. I messaged her telling her how I felt and she told me she had moved on a while ago and that she is speaking to someone new which is probably from this app.

 

I feel sick and cant eat or sleep. I can't help but wonder what shes getting up to with the new guy and think about them having intimacy. The pain is so bad. I dont know what to do to help my mind as it constantly thinks about these things. I'm so down

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OP, given your recent threads, my guess is that this not so much about this specific ex, but rather how down you feel about yourself and your life in general.

 

Messaging her with your feelings was a bit much, given that you don't appear to have been in contact for some time, but it does seem you were getting anxious for some sort of validation and tried to assign that task to her. But OP, you had to know that you were taking a gigantic risk there. You broke up years ago and haven't maintained close ties. Hoping that she would somehow respond positively to a feelings about your feelings? You had to know, on some level, that it wasn't going to yield the results you wanted.

 

Delete her off your social media so that you're not tempted to make contact anymore. You won't be losing anything by doing so, seeing as how you're not in each others' lives anyway. Then get about the business of working on you and getting to a more confident place in your life. That is what will prevent you from fishing from ponds that have long since dried up.

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I guess I felt I had nothing to lose as I'd already seen her on the app. Was hard seeing her face for the first time in 3 years.

 

Trouble for me is a girl like her will have her pick of guys on these apps so it's no doubt that whoever's shes seeing is taller and better looking than me etc. Just feel lost and no motivation and lonely

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I guess I felt I had nothing to lose as I'd already seen her on the app. Was hard seeing her face for the first time in 3 years.

 

Trouble for me is a girl like her will have her pick of guys on these apps so it's no doubt that whoever's shes seeing is taller and better looking than me etc. Just feel lost and no motivation and lonely

 

So what are you trying to tell us and yourself? That you should date a girl who wouldn’t have her pick of men?

And that only physical qualities matter? Height , looks?

 

Shame on you for thinking that.

 

That’s on you. Not her.

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Sorry to hear this. You don't have to feel like this. Get to a doctor for an evaluation and referral to a therapist. You can start feeling better. As you know this funk over an ex and grasping at straws is simply a symptom that more is not right in your life besides an ex from 3 years ago dating again. After all you're on the dating apps too.

I feel sick and cant eat or sleep. The pain is so bad. I dont know what to do to help my mind as it constantly thinks about these things. I'm so down

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I do go on them occasionally but its more to talk to people and take my mind off of her as something will remind me of her or I'll have a dream about her. I just cant believe how shes been in another relationship for over 2 years since me and I'm still thinking about her.

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If it's been a few years and you're still hung up on her, it might be a good time to seek some professional counselling.

 

You've got quite a self-loathing narrative going on, and being this crushed when a fairly long-ago ex again says "no" indicates that you could use a helping hand in coping and turning things around for you.

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Until you are ready to find a good therapist and work through your issues, your life is not going to change, period. No miracle will take place, you have to take the time and put in the effort. So you have to decide to take control or spend the next 30 years this way.

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Sounds to me you haven't moved forward, and you've had two years to do it...I agree this is only a small portion of what is bringing you down, the rest is on how poopy your life has been. If you keep this up life will never be great for you. It's all about attitude. If you have a positive outlook on life, things like this won't be a bother. Stop wallowing in your misery and make something of yourself.

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There are lots of pretty girls with great personalities. However, a woman like that wants to share in a guys happiness--a guy who already has a fulfilling, happy life solo, rather than be the sole reason for that man's happiness, which is suffocating and overwhelming.

 

It's possible you suffer from depression, so how about seeking therapy to either confirm that or rule it out? And you can't get over anyone when you keep that person orbiting around your universe. You have to go cold turkey and delete photos, past communication, and to stop yourself from looking her up in any way.

 

Most people bounce back far sooner when short term relationships fail, so it's another sign you could use the skills of a professional to get you into a good headspace. Good luck.

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I am really trying though. The thought of going to work tomorrow is horrible and I've just woken up feeling sick again about who shes speaking to. I'm just an average guy really but she was really good looking, friendly, intelligent and kind.

 

I will go to my GP and try arrange counselling but I dont have any time left off for work so cant sort it out. I'm considering leaving my job and going back to my home town where I can do this in a month or so. But what do I do until then. This pain isn't going away and no matter what I do I cant stop thinking of her and what shes doing with others

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I havent gone in to work today as I'm too down to face it. I hardly slept last night thinking about her dating and flirting with other guys on the dating apps or instagram. I still feel sick and I'm not eating much.

 

I know I have to move on but being helpless to the situation and what shes doing is making me so anxious and out of control

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Get to a doctor. This is not about some ex from years ago on an app. You are attributing all this to her (blaming her) rather than taking responsibility for your general emotional and physical health. Focus on yourself. Better health and lifestyle habits. Get fit, cut down on bad habits, get the mental and physical help you need. She is not "causing" all this and you know this.

I havent gone in to work today as I'm too down to face it. I still feel sick and I'm not eating much.
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I am going to go to one when I next can but im not in the city where my gp is at the minute. I will when I'm next there next month.

 

I'm not blaming her it was just a shock to see her again. I've spoke about her on here before about how I havent been able to get over her.

 

Everything just seems so pointless.

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Been trying to forget her but waking up through the night and morning and the pain is strong thinking about her and the new guys shes seeing. It doesn't help that I have sexual problems that makes me down too so she can do things with them that I cant. Just feel so empty. I spoke to a girl who's a trainee psychiatrist about my issues and it hasn't really helped. She suggested medication which will just make me more numb and empty. Keep getting anxiety that someday soon I'll see her again and another wound will be opened

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Talk to a licensed board certified doctor as well as a licensed psychologist. Do not rely on curbside consults from students.

I spoke to a girl who's a trainee psychiatrist about my issues and it hasn't really helped. She suggested medication which will just make me more numb and empty. K
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