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Boyfriend does not seem to care about my anxiety


kikoumi
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I have been together with my partner for 5 and half years now. We love each other and don't have much problems. However, there is one problem, that we face on a regular basis, which is my anxiety about him. In the beginning we were living in for about 2 years, after which he moved back to his hometown for career prospects. I also moved to another city. We don't have issues in our long distance relationship, however, sometimes I become very worried about his whereabouts. We have been in a LD relationship for around 3 years now, and we both have a high trust factor. We call one another quite frequently almost 6 to 7 times a day. I get really worried if he does not call me after reaching home. Since his office is quite distant from his residence. He uses train and busses, and it takes almost 2 hours for him to reach home. If he does not call me after reaching I become very scared. Sometimes it takes more than 4 hours for him to reach, because of traffic. Even though I know this, I become extremely worried. Sometimes he does not charge his phone, and this makes me even more worried because I can't call him. Even though he knows about my anxiety, he still refuses to carry a charger or borrow from someone else, blaming me, that I am the only one, who gets too worried. I don't know what to do, and I become very scared please give me your advice.

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When did you last see each other in person? Unfortunately although you claim "there are no problems with the LDR" there are huge problems with your text-tethering him. He hates it and you are using "your anxiety" to keep him on a very tight almost strangulating leash.

 

Consider that he may be trying to move on and get out of the relationship to pursue local opportunities as you should also. Has it occurred to you that he's correct that "your anxiety" is your problem?

my anxiety about him. We have been in a LD relationship for around 3 years now.We call one another quite frequently almost 6 to 7 times a day. If he does not call me after reaching I become very scared.Even though he knows about my anxiety, he still refuses to carry a charger or borrow from someone else, blaming me, that I am the only one, who gets too worried.
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I'm not sure why you're still in a relationship that clearly is causing you angst on a regular basis. Is there an end date to you living so far apart from one another? To me it seems odd that he would move somewhere so far away from his current place of work... If he was going to move for work, why make it so hard on himself?

 

Does he have you as his emergency contact should something happen?

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If something were to happen to him, there's nothing you could do anyhow. His coworkers, the local paramedics, etc, are there. If someone called me 8 times a day, i may be tempted to turn my phone off to get some peace for a moment, but that's me. If you don't get this under control, you will probably push him away.

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I ended a short term relationship with a lovely person who subjected me to his insecurities, then promised to change, did change for a week and back to it. It really was a shame.

 

You are being selfish or at least self-absorbed. I agree it's not his job to soothe you to this extent. You need to work out your anxieties on your own or with a professional. I'm sorry you have anxiety!

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