Jump to content

Recommended Posts

That was a silly question. I knew that. And I don’t think it is relatable to me.

She never got married. Just engaged after only 6 mo of dating. I’m just shocked. It would’ve been nice to know from the beginning that she was “shopping around.” Totally threw me off from how she was with me.

 

I would be shocked, too for her to be engaged only after 6 mos of dating. That is awfully fast. Yes, it would've been nice to know that she was "shopping around." I'm sure it threw you off.

 

Nonetheless, due to her very comfortable upbringing, she eventually desired to continue living an affluent lifestyle which stands to reason.

 

Some women pay attention to occupation and income whereas other women do not.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 253
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

I would be shocked, too for her to be engaged only after 6 mos of dating. That is awfully fast. Yes, it would've been nice to know that she was "shopping around." I'm sure it threw you off.

 

Nonetheless, due to her very comfortable upbringing, she eventually desired to continue living an affluent lifestyle which stands to reason.

 

Some women pay attention to occupation and income whereas other women do not.

 

I told her from the beginning that I made a sacrifice to be flourish like I did in my previous career, in one that had more opportunities. And it didn’t seem to be a problem. Not even a little. At least not in a way that she made it noticeable. She was all about saving and staying home. The reason I said something was because I know it’s important.

Maybe she did realize she’s catching real feelings and flee because she didn’t think I could do it or do it quickly enough for her age which is only 30.

Before she met me she went on a date with another doctor who after two or so dates said he’s moving closer to her and that freaked her out and she broke that off. I just wanted things to fall in to place naturally. It wasn’t time to take those steps yet. 5 months is 5 months. I wasn’t going to propose in a month.

Anyway, it races through my mind constantly. I could reach out but what can I say. Sometimes I think I played it too cool and let her feel like it was not a big deal. I didn’t want to make her feel bad for doing what she feels is right. In reality I miss her so much and I’m devastated.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Let's please remember that acceptance of an engagement and entering into marriage, counterintuitively, do not necessarily indicate a happy relationship. Make no assumptions.

 

You could not have done anything differently.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I told her from the beginning that I made a sacrifice to be flourish like I did in my previous career, in one that had more opportunities. And it didn’t seem to be a problem. Not even a little. At least not in a way that she made it noticeable. She was all about saving and staying home. The reason I said something was because I know it’s important.

Maybe she did realize she’s catching real feelings and flee because she didn’t think I could do it or do it quickly enough for her age which is only 30.

Before she met me she went on a date with another doctor who after two or so dates said he’s moving closer to her and that freaked her out and she broke that off. I just wanted things to fall in to place naturally. It wasn’t time to take those steps yet. 5 months is 5 months. I wasn’t going to propose in a month.

Anyway, it races through my mind constantly. I could reach out but what can I say. Sometimes I think I played it too cool and let her feel like it was not a big deal. I didn’t want to make her feel bad for doing what she feels is right. In reality I miss her so much and I’m devastated.

 

A lot of times you're left feeling confused by it all, why she rejected and dumped you, why she was attracted to a doctor instead of you and why you two parted ways. Many times, there is no explanation and you just have to accept HER choice.

 

Don't reach out. It's over. There is nothing to say. You need to live your life while she too moves on without you. I'm sorry you're going through this, captaindrey.

 

In order to find "thee one," you have to be awfully lucky. Often times, it's required to have several partners in order to weed out the bad apples and find a compatible person who is right for you and vice versa. I know now is not the time for you. Meanwhile remain patient. You will be better than ok!

Link to post
Share on other sites
A lot of times you're left feeling confused by it all, why she rejected and dumped you, why she was attracted to a doctor instead of you and why you two parted ways. Many times, there is no explanation and you just have to accept HER choice.

 

Don't reach out. It's over. There is nothing to say. You need to live your life while she too moves on without you. I'm sorry you're going through this, captaindrey.

 

In order to find "thee one," you have to be awfully lucky. Often times, it's required to have several partners in order to weed out the bad apples and find a compatible person who is right for you and vice versa. I know now is not the time for you. Meanwhile remain patient. You will be better than ok!

 

I know it’s over. Nothing I can do. What if she reaches out to me?

Link to post
Share on other sites
I know it’s over. Nothing I can do. What if she reaches out to me?

 

Since you know it's over, if she reaches out to you, politely and respectfully tell her (or text her) that it's time to go your separate ways permanently. Wish her well, tell her this is it and it's time to go NC (no contact). Good-bye. End it diplomatically.

 

If she's relentless, ghost, block and delete. By that point, you've already parted ways so it's ok to make it final.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I just remembered this-

I invited her to a NYE party (2 months in) and we had such a good time. We danced and it was all around perfect.

One of my good friends organized it in a very prime spot downtown. When I told her more about it, one of the first questions she asked me was “is her husband wealthy?” I got a little taken back and asked “what?” She said “never mind.” Word for word. We continued the conversation about the party.

I feel like maybe she was shopping through me or measuring me up on the company I keep. I keep good and intelligent friends who are successful. I firmly believe that you take away from the company you keep.

None of that negates the fact that we had a great time or any other moment we shared but maybe, just maybe, she knew what she wanted all along and it finally occurred to her that I wasn’t going to give it to her in any fashion. I wouldn’t. It’s only been 5 months.

Even though she enjoyed our time together it is over because “our timelines are different.” Her actions still lead me around full circle. It’s bizarre.

Honestly, I don’t see her reaching out although I, not only left the door open, I took the door off. She dumped friends and lovers before by either moving or because they acted out of whack. I think you’re right though. I shouldn’t pick it back up if she does.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know why she matters to you anymore. She's gone out of your life. Stop obsessing and ruminating over her because it's mentally unhealthy for you.

 

She has since moved on as should you, captiandrey.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I don't know why she matters to you anymore. She's gone out of your life. Stop obsessing and ruminating over her because it's mentally unhealthy for you.

 

She has since moved on as should you, captiandrey.

 

I don’t know. I agree this is unhealthy and I didn’t think I’d be here at this stage in my life.

Maybe I’m getting older too. Every relationship taught me something. From small things like ‘buy more flowers’ to ‘open car doors and pull out chairs’ to bigger things like ‘pay more attention’ and even to ‘I want a career with more opportunities more so than just decent income.’ I put it all towards this relationship and I didn’t have to think twice. It was natural for me to put my best foot forward and I thought I had all my bases covered. It was working. Even the last time we spent together after the break up was intimate and playful.

I think I’m just not sure where I went wrong and I almost always have which paved the way to an opportunity to improve myself. My grades are excellent, I’m highly valued at my place of work, I’m in great shape with great health, sometimes I’m funny. It’s strange to me too. I feel stagnant and I’m not a fan. I was looking forward to moving forward with her.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I don’t know. I agree this is unhealthy and I didn’t think I’d be here at this stage in my life.

Maybe I’m getting older too. Every relationship taught me something. From small things like ‘buy more flowers’ to ‘open car doors and pull out chairs’ to bigger things like ‘pay more attention’ and even to ‘I want a career with more opportunities more so than just decent income.’ I put it all towards this relationship and I didn’t have to think twice. It was natural for me to put my best foot forward and I thought I had all my bases covered. It was working. Even the last time we spent together after the break up was intimate and playful.

I think I’m just not sure where I went wrong and I almost always have which paved the way to an opportunity to improve myself. My grades are excellent, I’m highly valued at my place of work, I’m in great shape with great health, sometimes I’m funny. It’s strange to me too. I feel stagnant and I’m not a fan. I was looking forward to moving forward with her.

 

Many times you'll never have an explanation regarding what went wrong. You'll feel forever confused and the other person will not explain to you the details you are seeking. No one else can figure your relationship out either. You'll only end up talking in circles which is useless. Move on with your own life and when you are ready on your own time, do what you want to do.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Here’s a shocker. She is back to dating a doctor she dated over the summer. The same one she told me about when she said “you buying me whatever I want during our dates means more than the doctor I dated over the summer.”

Shocker number 2- this guy is a mutual friend of one of my friends.

Don’t get me wrong these aren’t really shockers except I am crushed and I know she meant what she said to me.

I got a little drunk last night and texted her. That was stupid, I know. She replied with saying she was easily falling for me and that it’s probably good we leave it in a positive space and that we shouldn’t talk for now. The logistics weren’t there. I don’t know whether to be mad upset or ok about this whole thing.

Link to post
Share on other sites

So here’s the thing. Someone who really likes you DOES NOT find an excuse to end things. She basically dumped you because she likely already had someone else lined up. Not sure it boils down to financial status. Maybe she just wasn’t that much into the relationship as you were. Whatever her motives, actions speak volumes. Look to the tangible things when deciphering people’s thoughts or intentions. She is not interested.

Link to post
Share on other sites
So here’s the thing. Someone who really likes you DOES NOT find an excuse to end things. She basically dumped you because she likely already had someone else lined up. Not sure it boils down to financial status. Maybe she just wasn’t that much into the relationship as you were. Whatever her motives, actions speak volumes. Look to the tangible things when deciphering people’s thoughts or intentions. She is not interested.

 

Clearly. I’m honestly just think out loud. One of the tangible things was the way we were the night we spent after the break up. And how she consistently said she had strong feelings but was afraid of it not working out. I’ve been through this before and I’m friends with all of my ex’s. I’ve never had any crazy stuff go down. I know right from wrong. I’m just in a rut.

Link to post
Share on other sites
And how she consistently said she had strong feelings but was afraid of it not working out.

 

Her actions don't line up with her words, unfortunately.

 

It no doubt hurt a lot to know she's dating someone else. But perhaps knowing the truth about her will ultimately help you move on from her. She's not an ex to keep as a friend, either.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ok. Now is the time to delete and block her and all her people from all your messaging apps and social media. It may be time to get to a doctor for an evaluation and referral to a therapist since you are drinking, ruminating, obsessing, stalking and starting to engage in self-defeating, self-destructive behavior. This isn't about her.

I got a little drunk last night and texted her. She replied with we shouldn’t talk for now.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Ok. Now is the time to delete and block her and all her people from all your messaging apps and social media. It may be time to get to a doctor for an evaluation and referral to a therapist since you are drinking, ruminating, obsessing, stalking and starting to engage in self-defeating, self-destructive behavior. This isn't about her.

 

I wouldn’t take a drunk text out of context to that extent. We still had a decent exchange. I’m sure most have made a mistake while having a few drinks. I feel fine and I’m not giving up on my obligations.

It was wrong to see her social media, I admit, but I think I’m also not the only one that has ever done so. It was my way of figuring out something solid. I would never bring it up to her.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Her hot and cold behavior should be enough for me to laugh it off. It seemed real. I didn’t see the red flags probably because she’s attractive and made me feel like something was there and she was just jaded. Realistically I’m still being a pushover as I allow myself to feel down up to this point. She lied by finding a replacement before breaking it off and I’m not ok with that. I wish her the best but this is ridiculous.

Link to post
Share on other sites

She probably just copied and pasted the list, OP, or forwarded it from someone who forwarded it to her.

 

You really need to block her if you ever want to move on. She's a game-player and you're not going to get anything sustainable out of her.

Link to post
Share on other sites
She probably just copied and pasted the list, OP, or forwarded it from someone who forwarded it to her.

 

You really need to block her if you ever want to move on. She's a game-player and you're not going to get anything sustainable out of her.

 

I know she didn’t. It was her texting style, short and sweet/flirty. Even if, she didn’t have to send it to me so why?

I want to tell her that is not how to keep me involved.

Something that’s sticking in my head is that in my cabinet I have make up remover that an ex from 2 years ago left and I never threw away for some reason. It’s on the top shelf and I rarely use my cabinet for more than a few seconds so it never even occurred to me. I also have baby wipes up there which was in the list. My company makes them and I got them in a gift bag. She opened my cabinet a few weeks ago and looked through it for reasons unbeknownst.

I never cheated in my life or wanted to cheat with her. I always broke up with women, ready to be single. With her, I stopped noticing other women. I was really in it.

If I respond, I’m validating and she thinks she can have me whenever she wants and if I don’t I’m maybe confirming her suspicions if she has any. I don’t know what to do. Block and delete is always the fall back here, I’ve noticed. Either way I know facts stay facts. I’m always curious about why people do what they do. Makes me better at making decisions objectively and not based on emotions.

I haven’t responded.

Link to post
Share on other sites
OP, you need to stop with the mental gymnastics trying to figure this immature woman out.

 

Who cares why she sent it? It's noise, and simply another representation of why you shouldn't waste any more time with her.

This is the truth... relating make up wipes she may have seen in your cupboard to a coded message in an odd ball text is a sure sign, you are in the bell jar.

 

Delete and block is not just a thing here... its everywhere.. if you get spam texts, what do you do? delete and block.

 

I know you are hurting and its hard... everything the object of our affection does is super fascinating and interesting, so cute and fun the "way" they do it....

 

But outside if that affection? She's a twit that sent a survival guide to someone she is not in contact with....how little effort does this person have to exert to get you in a tizzy? And you're turning it into a special reach out because she still cares. Come on. You are better than this.

 

Stop feeding into these ideas. Get focused on other things. New ideas, new people... move on.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Generally when people don't want to block and delete it's because they're still hoping to get a "I made a terrible mistake. Can we talk?" text.

 

It'll pass eventually.

 

Of course it would pass quicker if you did block and delete...

Link to post
Share on other sites

I know. I’m sorry I keep dragging it out. It comes in waves. I’m feeling better and I’m glad I haven’t responded.

I appreciate the help here. It would be so different if I didn’t know that she had someone lined up as I probably would succumb. That part makes me angry and that oddly helps.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...