This is a strange one

[captaindrey]

So I was going through some of the things in my kitchen and I stumbled on a card she got me when we got back together. She got me dog tags for my dogs and inside the envelope was a hand drawn card by her. A week later I was blocked. Why put all that effort in to something if it’s not important to you?

Another thing that came in to my mind today. One of my best friends is a girl who is very ill she has bouchette disease and is a cancer survivor. The night before she flips the script the first official time, her and I went over my friends house. This friend was there. We all seemingly had a great time and on the ride home (night before she left me) she was worried about what my friends thought of her. I told her she was totally fine. One of the last times we spoke she said I deserve girls that wear beer T-shirt’s who smoke (my friend was wearing a Jack Daniels T so that’s who she was referring to) so I can have these baseless arguments with and this is beneath her. I told her my friend is a mathematician, is very sick and she obviously doesn’t smoke. Her reply was “oh boohoo.” Seriously, kind of person acts this way?

 

I admit reading through this thread helps so I’m writing here to read this in case I start to idealize her which will undoubtedly happen at some point for however long. I’m feeling better but the past few nights have been rough as I’m still so confused. It’s not as easy as I thought to shut off. I’m working out, finished my first remodel with only watching 3 min of a YouTube video and I’m starting to eat more to keep my workout stick. But still all of this is so unbelievable to me.

[captaindrey]

I know I’m an idiot for wasting my time on this.

[MissCanuck]

OP, I once dated a man who was very unpredictable and, frankly, volatile (Honestly, far more so than the woman you're describing here) I never had any clue what was going to flip that switch and it was very bewildering to me. I tried for a while to make sense of it, because of course he had his positive traits too. Everyone does. Those positive traits can blind us and lead us to justify behaviour that we really shouldn't be justifying.

 

But eventually? I was drained by it and really didn't care anymore. I could see there was no future with someone so hot and cold, no sense of security in the relationship; it was always at the mercy of his mood swings and I just couldn't be bothered anymore. Similar to your ex, this man was objectively very attractive and had lots of admirers. But by that point, I didn't see his physical attributes without seeing his inner demons too. Physical beauty ain't enough, my friend.

 

The best thing I did for myself in that point of my life was to cut him out 100%. No social media, no phone calls, messages or emails. I have never regretted it and couldn't tell you now what he's up to these days. You will get there too, but you need to stop tormenting yourself about why she did X, Y or Z. A better use of your time would be to figure out why you were so attracted to it and so willing to kiss your self-respect goodbye just to keep her around. That is when you'll make real improvements.

[ninjabib]

Write a journal OP. On here in journal section or in private. Will help you move on.