Jump to content

Its been a long saga, but its finally on its way to being over


Recommended Posts

We were together 12y, married 3, and have a 8 month old.

 

Anywho its been a heck of a saga, but she showed her hand and it was the last straw. Last tuesday I officially had filed for divorce, and im now going through the process.

 

I wont waste time talking about her more, but am trying to figure out my path forward after this 12y saga.

 

What sort of steps should I guy like myself do to re-invent, and re-think who i am going forward and maybe at some point get lucky and meet someone new.

 

Im looking for thoughts and ideas. Thanks

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We were together 12y, married 3, and have a 8 month old.

 

Anywho its been a heck of a saga, but she showed her hand and it was the last straw. Last tuesday I officially had filed for divorce, and im now going through the process.

 

I wont waste time talking about her more, but am trying to figure out my path forward after this 12y saga.

 

What sort of steps should I guy like myself do to re-invent, and re-think who i am going forward and maybe at some point get lucky and meet someone new.

 

Im looking for thoughts and ideas. Thanks

 

My thought is to put those things on hold and act in the best interests of your child. When I was home full time it was more than a full time job. Don't try to "re-invent" - be there for your child, take care of yourself mentally/emotionally/health-wise with your first priority being your child.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What sort of steps should I guy like myself do to re-invent, and re-think who i am going forward and maybe at some point get lucky and meet someone new.

 

Contradictory as it may seem... to re-invent and re-think you must first take time to re-flect on who you want to become. What kind of colleague/dad/friend/sibling/son/partner do you want to be?

 

This means slowing down, allowing yourself time to experience your feelings and to process everything that happened. This may also mean seeing a therapist, life coach, someone that can help you figure out how to become the person you want to be.

 

To do this successfully you need to do this on your own without the distraction of another relationship.

 

For now, focus on having a civil co-parenting relationship with your ex... this will be enough work in and of itself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What sort of steps should I guy like myself do to re-invent, and re-think who i am going forward and maybe at some point get lucky and meet someone new.

 

Im looking for thoughts and ideas. Thanks

 

I think that right now, you shouldn't worry about meeting someone new. This is a good time to learn how your life will be as a divorced man with an 8 month old. Get into your new routine and let it play out for a while. THEN you can think about meeting a new person. But get yourself in a good place first.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Great points everyone - appreciate the replies. Yes, my 8 month old is obviously my first priority. Second priority is working on myself and introspection of all that has happened. Only then will it be to meet someone new (perhaps)

 

Yes and all I'm saying is from my experience of being a parent of an 8 month old -a married parent with an involved father -most of second priorities become very distant priorities and since you are divorced it's even more important to give your child stability and consistency. Also depends on what your working on yourself entails. I work on myself daily in very specific ways.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 9 months later...

Just an update to this thread - divorce is still going on, its like a set of waves going up and down.

 

Im hoping this divorce is over soon. I want to get back to focusing solely on my son and myself, without the constant distractions from her pitbull lawyer, whos failed her so far.

For those going through a nasty divorce like me, I've found on the past year that following as close to gray rock method as possible when encountering your ex. Only speak, if you need to, and if possible via email.

 

Cheers to a better year in 2021 for me, and for all!

Edited by a_lifters_life
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 hours ago, a_lifters_life said:

I've found on the past year that following as close to gray rock method as possible when encountering your ex. Only speak, if you need to, and if possible via email.

 

Cheers to a better year in 2021 for me, and for all!

Great advice. Best in 2021.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I primarily made sure my kids are taken cared of, feeling the love between both parents, and did my utmost best to be the single provider and a mother at the same time. It was like putting my life on hold so my kids get adjusted to the new. 

After a couple of years, pursued my M.A. in an attempt to improve economics for me and my kids. A good 11 years after, re-married.  I was around my family a lot, which aided me in making short term decisions. What you want to do as a person will get to you as you thread along. 

My kids are both grown ups now, and here I am, re-planning what to do on the long term but with a sense of peace that they grew up to be great invidividuals. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 5 months later...

Providing an update on this situation as of today.

The ex wont agree to 50/50 custody, despite it being 50/50 since birth. He's now 2 years old.

She initially requested 90 or 95% custody, and tried 2 separate restraining orders on me over the pandemic. She tried to make up frivolous dyfus complaints against me within the past few months.

Everything shes tried is baseless.

Anywho because she wont agree to 50/50 custody - im forced to pay a TON of money to get a custody evaluator, essentially a licensed psychologist to evaluate me and her. This will now take 3+ months to happen.

That begins next week.

This has been going on since Feb 20' and ongoing.

I am hoping that this ends soon.

Stay well everyone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

  • Top Discussions this Week

  • Our picks

    • Why You Should NEVER Chase Your Ex
      You should NEVER chase your ex, no matter what... even if you want to get back together. In this video, I’ll explain what exactly I mean by that… and why it’s so important if you want your ex back. Here's the simple truth: if you DO want to give yourself the best possible chance of starting over with your ex, you simply CANNOT let yourself start chasing them… it just doesn’t work, even though it’s the natural human reaction to a breakup and often feels like the right way to get them back. Even if you DON'T want your ex back, you still shouldn't let yourself chase after them. Watch the full video to find out why...

       
      • 0 replies
    • How Do You Know She’s The One? 5 Signs She’s The One & 1 Red Flag! 🚩
      How Do You Know She’s The One? 5 Signs She’s The One & 1 Red Flag! 🚩... In this dating advice video, I will explain to you how to know she’s the one and give you five signs she’s the one as well as give you one red flag that you need to look out for. You may want to know whether she’s the one on first dates, online dating, or somewhere in the dating process. Take heed to these dating tips and be sure to watch the entire video.

       
      • 0 replies
    • 5 Odd Signs You're Seeking Approval from Others Outside of Yourself
      In this YouTube Video, Lisa A Romano discusses 5 signs that indicate you're still seeking approval from others outside of you. If you are codependent, and you struggle with self-love, you may not realize the signs you're seeking approval from others. Childhood trauma and emotional neglect lead to a sense of feeling unseen. If you feel unseen, you may seek approval in odd ways. It may not be obvious when you are looking for validation from others. In this video, Lisa A Romano breaks down these 5 signs, and what they mean; hypervigilance, neediness, low self-worth, never feeling fulfilled and what it means when you become a perpetual seeker.

       
      • 0 replies
    • 3 Simple Strategies To Ditch The Imposter Syndrome
      Have you ever felt like you're a fraud who doesn't belong? According to a recent article published in the International Journal of Behavioral Science, seven in every ten people have or will experience impostor syndrome at some point in their lives. We couldn't see our tribe suffering from this anymore, so we brought in the person who'll help you ditch this feeling for good. In this video, peak performance expert Shadé Zahrai joins Vishen to discuss how to supercharge your life and improve your self-esteem by constructing your own reality, leveraging your self-awareness, and regaining control over your inner critic

       
      • 0 replies
    • 5 Things People Who’ve Been Mentally Abused Do
      Do you know how common mental abuse is? According to The National Center for Biotechnology Information, 80 percent of the population has experienced some form of abusive relationship and behavior. However, despite how frequent it is, emotional abuse is still hard to spot. Unlike physical abuse, mental abuse doesn’t leave any visible scars; instead, it affects someone’s behavior, mindset, and mentality. This means some people deny they’ve been mentally abused, and others may not even recognize the toxic behavior. So, whether you’re reading this to be able to recognize emotional abuse in others or recognize it in yourself, these a few things people who’ve been mentally abused do are sure to help you be more empathetic and kinder.

       
      • 0 replies
×
×
  • Create New...