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Is this a breadcrumb or a "haunting" or neither?


mattyb777
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Long story short, I got dumped a month ago. A lot of it was my fault, since I neglected a LDR that I didn't really fully commit or invest enough in.

 

One of the last texts from me was (be prepared this was long but there were a lot more):

 

"I don't know if you'll ever respond to any of these messages or want to talk to me but that's fine but that's fine and I understand. I should have never made you f eel abandoned and understand why you hate me in some ways for that reason. I accept that, I just don't want to have you avoid coming to (my hometown), if you get a date or something because im here or avoid some show I might be at. I recall I just recall you said some stuff about exes in the past but I may be misinterpreting things. I still feel like we have a deep connection and just want friendship and peace. I don't want to avoid talking or commenting on posts or whatever in the future in case someone gets the wrong idea or something. I don't hate you for what happened but know why you did it. That's all I had to say and hope you have a happy birthday".

 

So I got some new online dating profile pics done a week ago and posted the first of them this past wednesday. She proceeded to "like" the picture. I thought nothing of it (as I should right) but then I posted a gallery of more of the pics, again she liked those pictures (three days after when i posted the gallery).

 

What message is she sending with these likes taking into context that above conversation?

 

In regards to those terms "haunting" or "breadcrumbing" do these actions count as such?

 

Just curious pretty much what you all think.

Edited by mattyb777
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What I think? The moment you are trying to understand an ex based on a "like"—a like of a dating profile photo, no less—is the moment to recognize that things have become so thin, and gone so sideways, that it's not worth spending time thinking about this.

 

What are you wanting here? To get back together? To know she still cares? To know she doesn't hate you? Are you wanting to move forward, and meet someone locally with whom you can fully invest, or stay in some kind of purgatory where your emotional investment is spread between more than one person?

 

I'd explore those questions rather than the ones you're exploring right now.

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What I think? The moment you are trying to understand an ex based on a "like"—a like of a dating profile photo, no less—is the moment to recognize that things have become so thin, and gone so sideways, that it's not worth spending time thinking about this.

 

What are you wanting here? To get back together? To know she still cares? To know she doesn't hate you? Are you wanting to move forward, and meet someone locally with whom you can fully invest, or stay in some kind of purgatory where your emotional investment is spread between more than one person?

 

I'd explore those questions rather than the ones you're exploring right now.

 

Well, it was a photo session wherein I posted the best pictures to facebook. She doesn't neccesarily "know" it's for online dating per se though may suspect.

 

Yes, I want to reconcile, and get back together as a couple if possible. I'm willing to make some of the changes and compromise with what she wanted me to before.

 

I know she doesn't hate me. I am trying to move on otherwise but it's been difficult.

 

I just want to know what people think her intent was, in light of my message.

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Generally speaking, I've never found that rushing into dating while wanting to reconcile with someone is good for (a) enjoying dating or (b) improving those chances for reconciliation. Food for thought.

 

No one can tell you what her intention in liking a photo of you was. A delicate way of letting you know all is good, if sad? Or a way of reminding you, per your text to her, that you can't control how she uses social media? Or maybe she just, you know, liked the photo?

 

Does she know you'd like to get back together? That you've been thinking about things, and see where you want to change and compromise? If not, I'd express that clearly and earnestly, letting her know that your door is open to talking about that, so that anything else that slips through the door—like, well, a "like"—doesn't turn you into an emotional detective. Social media is basically a fun house mirror where everything real, like feelings and humans, are distorted, so best not to use it as a radar or a compass.

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Generally speaking, I've never found that rushing into dating while wanting to reconcile with someone is good for (a) enjoying dating or (b) improving those chances for reconciliation. Food for thought.

 

No one can tell you what her intention in liking a photo of you was. A delicate way of letting you know all is good, if sad? Or a way of reminding you, per your text to her, that you can't control how she uses social media? Or maybe she just, you know, liked the photo?

 

Does she know you'd like to get back together? That you've been thinking about things, and see where you want to change and compromise? If not, I'd express that clearly and earnestly, letting her know that your door is open to talking about that, so that anything else that slips through the door—like, well, a "like"—doesn't turn you into an emotional detective. Social media is basically a fun house mirror where everything real, like feelings and humans, are distorted, so best not to use it as a radar or a compass.

 

Well everyone tells me to move on, every video out there says to go no contact. I'm just confused about what to do. She sort of knows, but sort of doesn't, I mentioned it in the first email, but also told her later I understand why she broke up with me and apologized.

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"I don't hate you for what happened but know why you did it."

 

Care to explain this?

 

Anyhow, you can't control how someone feels about you, what they want, or how they'll live their lives, be it IRL or on SM, regardless of whatever the cottage industry of breakup experts say in videos. You can control yourself, though.

 

Speaking for myself, in the two occasions in my life where I wanted to get back together with an ex—once out of what I'd call a genuine love and belief in us, another time in what I came to see was an inflamed ego thirsty for soothing—I made it very clear and found comfort in knowing I'd expressed that. Made the inevitable things that follow breakups—a "like" here, a nebulous text there—manageable rather than mysterious.

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Sorry to hear this. What was the breakup about? How often have you met in person? How long were you dating? Since it wasn't a clean break, you're in the friendzone which is very common after a breakup.

 

It would be best to stop chasing, contacting and posting pics hoping she comes back. btw, those get-your-ex-back videos you are watching and clearly following will make you look like a fool by writing her these ambiguous emails trying to sound indifferent.

"I don't know if you'll ever respond to any of these messages or want to talk to me but that's fine but that's fine and I understand. I should have never made you f eel abandoned and understand why you hate me in some ways for that reason. I accept that, I just don't want to have you avoid coming to (my hometown), if you get a date or something because im here or avoid some show I might be at.

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