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Do I have the right to complain for being poor?


Highsky
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I recently moved to a new city to start a new job and my parents have been giving me the money to buy minimal necessities. This morning I was compaining to my mom that I don’t have a vacuum cleaner and she got upset and said that “you ask from me what I don’t have”.

This is an usual situation between me and her.

She has always been economical in every minor thing, like even with food stuff and also buying cheap(and therefore low-quality) things or not buying certain things at all because we don’t have enough money. She s always deperate about this. And I almost always complain and accuse her for being too economical.

I am fustrated about not having enough money. And about never have travelling to another country and few times in my own country.

For example after passing the hardest final university exam with a top mark, I had no money at all and simply spent my free days at home while I wished to have at least a little trip.

Still, my mom gave me more money than she ever gave to my older siblings who never complained.

Now, I know I am totally unfair for behaving like this. I hate myself that I make my mom suffer. It is so hard to keep myself from complaining when I am so frustrated about this matter.

I would appreciate some counsels and opinions. Thank you.

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Get a second job. Cut back on phone, TV services and other unnecessary items. Stop viewing reality shows and social media that make you think you are entitled to a pampered life at the expense of your parents.

I recently moved to a new city to start a new job and my parents have been giving me the money to buy minimal necessities. my mom gave me more money than she ever gave to my older siblings who never complained.
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How old are you? Are you still a student? If you are older than 18 then your parents' obligation/job regarding helping you financially is complete and done. Any help they provide you when you are an adult, you should take with gratitude and not ask for more. You are NOT entitled to any of their money if you are an adult. It sounds like you need to get a second job or if you are still studying then you need to focus on your studies so that you finish as soon as possible so that you can get a better paid job. Complaining spreads negative energy and gets you and everyone around you down therefore, it will get you nowhere good. Plus, stressing your mom is bad for her health. Imo, you need to accept that at this point money IS tight and focus on changing this through earning your OWN money.

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I think you do this by making different choices as to how to react to these feelings -feelings are feelings and we choose the reaction. You recognize that you are being unfair by reacting in a hurtful way. So do self-talk, do some brisk cardio exercise -a brisk walk or run, or scrub a floor - to kind of work off the negative energy, for example. My parents let me live at home rent free until I was 28 because I was in school for 7 years after age 18 and for the 3 years in between they wanted to help me save for grad school. So I didn't have my own place until I could afford it. I didn't leave the country until age 15 because that was when my grandmother paid for me to take a teen tour overseas. I also was able to go on a high school senior trip to a foreign country (the language I was studying). But the trip I took after grad school -I paid for with my own $ I earned working during grad school. For example (oh and my grandpa washed windows to feed his family back in the 1930s-50s and paid about $20 a year so my mom could go to college -begrudgingly, but he did it -same for his other child.)

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I am 25 and I graduated medicine. I started worrking as a resident doctor this month.

 

Then complaining to your mom about needing money and a vacuum and not going out of the country is inordinately inappropriate. Make yourself a life. As a doctor you are not going to be “ poor” . Are you going to work hard? You betcha. But eventually you will have an income beyond most people. I would stop bugging your mother for anything.

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Buck up butter cup... living expenses, trips, vacuums, all cost money... and if your parents are thrifty (whether by choice or circumstance) you have no right to complain. No one owes you anything.

 

Yes, as a child, food, clothing, shelter is provided and the responsibility of our parents. But once you leave the nest, you really have to make your own way.

 

Complaining and acting like you are entitled is very immature. It seems you have some learning, earning and growing up to do.

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I finished highschool when i was 19 and then I studyed 6 years of medicine.

@Batya33 I plan to also send them on vacantions and buy for mom whatever she could’t afford until now.

 

This is the first time I've ever heard of getting into medical school which lasts for 4 years, without completing 4 years of college prior.

 

Where did you get your degree?

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Due to the nature of my work, I've pretty much always lived in college towns. Routinely see students cashiering, working the line at restaurants, and manning the sales floor. My guess is they have the self-respect to buy themselves a cheap vacuum.

 

Begging is unbecoming at any age, but particularly at 25. But do you have a "right" to? Sure.

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This is the first time I've ever heard of getting into medical school which lasts for 4 years, without completing 4 years of college prior.

 

Where did you get your degree?

 

I don't know about the US but in most countries in the EU (and the UK I think) medicine is 6 years. Then 2 years post-graduate course and 3 to 8 years specialist training.

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This is the first time I've ever heard of getting into medical school which lasts for 4 years, without completing 4 years of college prior.

 

Where did you get your degree?

 

That's what I was thinking. In the US you have to complete 4 years of college, take the MCAT and pass, and then spend 4 years in medical school before you can even think about residency.

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If you’re parents supplied you with food, clothing, shelter and an education during your childhood then they have done everything required of them to raise you well. Their work is now done and they owe you nothing more. It is now time for you to be your own person and make your own ends meet. You now owe yourself that much, no one else.

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You parents finished raising you and you're on your own. And, with a medical degree, you'll have more than an ample income for life. Without your parents raising you, never forget you didn't achieve without their blood, sweat and tears to get you there. You didn't grow up all by yourself.

 

Don't compare yourself with your siblings.

 

I'm a mother and I know full well what it takes to raise children. Never forget to learn how to be grateful to your parents because raising a family is the hardest job in the world.

 

Learn to disengage more from your parents and think independently. Limit contact. As much as I love my mother and in-laws, I've since learned not to get too close for everyone's sake. It works, too.

 

Let your parents take care of themselves while you carve out your own life. Then when you become affluent, it will be nice of you to treat them every once in a while if you know they're struggling and you can afford to be kind with your wallet. Put your money where your mouth is.

 

When I can afford it, I occasionally give my mother gift cards at random to her local grocery store. In order to prevent porch piracy, I postal mail gift cards and other practical items with "required signature confirmation" so she must sign for it or pick it up at her local post office.

 

Other than that, we don't get personal nor do we poke around in each others business.

 

Do what you can when you can to help your financially strapped parents someday - - within reason and back off a lot. This is what I do. You can still enforce healthy boundaries while being kind. It can be done.

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I recently moved to a new city to start a new job and my parents have been giving me the money to buy minimal necessities. This morning I was compaining to my mom that I don’t have a vacuum cleaner and she got upset and said that “you ask from me what I don’t have”.

This is an usual situation between me and her.

I am fustrated about not having enough money. And about never have travelling to another country and few times in my own country.

while I wished to have at least a little trip.

Still, my mom gave me more money than she ever gave to my older siblings who never complained.

Now, I know I am totally unfair for behaving like this. I hate myself that I make my mom suffer. It is so hard to keep myself from complaining when I am so frustrated about this matter.

I would appreciate some counsels and opinions. Thank you.

 

Sometimes we dont see the sacrifices our parents make to raise us.

I remember my mom used to buy us clothes and she would always get the cheapest one for her , or she wont buy anything for her , so she could save/spend on us and dad.

Sometimes i couldnt go on a trip, my mates all went but i couldnt , am sure she also felt bad about it. But thats how life is, did she went on a trip without you? i never saw her spend much on trips either.

 

what did you do with your salary? Plan some trip with mom or surprise her once you save enough for that.

 

I spent all my first salary on buying stuff for her and dad...the smile on their face just brought so much happiness to me as well.

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You're an adult, so you have the right to anything you want to do. You're either smart enough to learn the consequences of that, or not. If you want a good relationship with your mother, then complaining isn't the best way to go about it. Consider letting go of your child role and start demonstrating the maturity you wish to be credited for owning.

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