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Ex unblocked me after 5+ years


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However you claim this and his move are problems. Why maintain a toxic liaison? Are you happy in your marriage? What is the point of exes orbiting you?

 

Yes I am happy and would never in a million years get involved with an ex again. They didn't work for a reason.

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I don't want anything to do with him and won't block him unless he becomes a problem. Right now I'm getting on with my life and he's getting on with his and I have no issues - so I won't block because that comes across as a bit petty imo after all this time. UNLESS he strikes up conversation or starts snooping on me (looking at stories etc where I can tell)

 

I'm sorry, but it's hard not to see you posting about this as evidence that he is a problem.

 

There is no shame in admitting that someone can rattle our spirit, and taking the steps required to protect our spirit. That is genuine strength and self-empowerment. You, at least in my opinion, seem to be operating from a place of pride, wanting to prove two somewhat contradictory and self-sabotaging ideas: that you can handle this and that he wants to weasel his way into your life. That is weakness posturing as strength.

 

Your attitude about all this is about as far from indifferent as one can get. No, he is not "harassing" you, not yet, and I don't suspect he will. I doubt you reside in his mind with the same level of inflammation as he resides in yours. But you are, in ways, harassing yourself by even entertaining a story that he might harass you and actively taking steps to see if that story gets realized.

 

Blocking is only "petty" if you are more concerned about what the blocked person thinks about you than what is best, truly, for your own peace of mind.

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I'm sorry, but it's hard not to see you posting about this as evidence that he is a problem.

 

There is no shame in admitting that someone can rattle our spirit, and taking the steps required to protect our spirit. That is genuine strength and self-empowerment. You, at least in my opinion, seem to be operating from a place of pride, wanting to prove two somewhat contradictory and self-sabotaging ideas: that you can handle this and that he wants to weasel his way into your life. That is weakness posturing as strength.

 

Your attitude about all this is about as far from indifferent as one can get. No, he is not "harassing" you, not yet, and I don't suspect he will. I doubt you reside in his mind with the same level of inflammation as he resides in yours. But you are, in ways, harassing yourself by even entertaining a story that he might harass you and actively taking steps to see if that story gets realized.

 

Blocking is only "petty" if you are more concerned about what the blocked person thinks about you than what is best, truly, for your own peace of mind.

I agree with Bluecastle. Ever hear the phrase "Doth protest too much"?

 

If you and your family were concerned about his move, then that's reason enough to block and not petty at all.

 

Seems like you created this drama for reasons only you know. Feeling nervous of someone's intentions, but not blocking due to appearances seem conflicting emotions to me. And then when many on this forum suggest blocking, you really double down on your reasons not to.

 

You want him to contact you, you will enjoy the drama and gossip it creates, bc it will prove your secret desire that he still is thinking of you.

 

However, it seems to be quite the opposite. You are thinking of him. He isn't doing anything... Even if he changed his settings... it could have nothing to do with you specifically. And if he really is a horrible, dangerous person and you wanted nothing to do with him, it'd be a no brainer to block him.

 

I block people all the time. Its great! lol and if my ex mysteriously unblocked me, bonus! hurry up and block them. It might even add a little pep, in my petty little step. lmao...[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

 

get real, gf. you like the idea he could contact you.

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I haven't checked up on him, he was on my timeline for the first time in years. We have a lot of mutual friends so it's not exactly easy to miss. It prompted me to check other social media because I didn't know if FB just unblocks people automatically after a certain amount of time.

 

I don't want anything to do with him and won't block him unless he becomes a problem. Right now I'm getting on with my life and he's getting on with his and I have no issues - so I won't block because that comes across as a bit petty imo after all this time. UNLESS he strikes up conversation or starts snooping on me (looking at stories etc where I can tell).

 

I don't think about him from one day to the next, I just got a bit concerned because he moved so close to my family that even THEY got worried. I don't want this to be another step he takes to potentially weasel his way into my life. If things stay normal I won't care, but I will block if anything comes of this.

 

In short, I'm indifferent if there's no intent behind it. I haven't blocked anyone on social media because I don't feel the need unless they're harassing me and so far he has not.

 

You are not indifferent, or you would not have created this thread.

 

He will not know that you have him blocked, and even if he did, who cares!

 

I think you need to be honest with yourself, you are not over this guy, and love the connection.

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[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23] So true. I've been guilty of this, too![emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

 

I think everyone has, Lambert. Thing is, in my day there was no social media so we did a drive by their house to see if we could suss out what they were up to. :D Oh the shame if they caught us. lol

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I think everyone has, Lambert. Thing is, in my day there was no social media so we did a drive by their house to see if we could suss out what they were up to. :D Oh the shame if they caught us. lol
omg! so true! you are killing me. i did the drive by, too! [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

 

the calling and hanging up b4 caller id! then they came out with *69... haha...

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I haven't checked up on him, he was on my timeline for the first time in years. We have a lot of mutual friends so it's not exactly easy to miss. It prompted me to check other social media because I didn't know if FB just unblocks people automatically after a certain amount of time.

 

I don't want anything to do with him and won't block him unless he becomes a problem. Right now I'm getting on with my life and he's getting on with his and I have no issues - so I won't block because that comes across as a bit petty imo after all this time. UNLESS he strikes up conversation or starts snooping on me (looking at stories etc where I can tell).

 

I don't think about him from one day to the next, I just got a bit concerned because he moved so close to my family that even THEY got worried. I don't want this to be another step he takes to potentially weasel his way into my life. If things stay normal I won't care, but I will block if anything comes of this.

 

In short, I'm indifferent if there's no intent behind it. I haven't blocked anyone on social media because I don't feel the need unless they're harassing me and so far he has not.

 

 

 

So...he didn't check up on you. He commented on a post made by a mutual friend.

Please block him. its not to "punish" someone - he will have no clue that you blocked him. Rather its for YOU so you cut it out and stop obsessing or thinking all his life choices are about you. They are not.

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Here's another way to look at it. if you can see what he comments on friends' posts, he can see what you comment, too and HE HAS NEVER REACHED OUT TO YOU in all that time. what does that mean? He is not spending any time obsessing over or thinking about you.

 

Now if you both lived in Miami and then you move to Nome, Alaska, and suddenly you find that he lives a block away -- yeah, i'd wonder, but if you have always lived in the same metro area and he happens to move to your area, its coincidence.

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Christ all this because I wanted to make sure his motivation WASN'T to reach out to me.

 

He didn't live in the same area before. He lived an hour away so yes, moving the next street to my family not only rang alarms for me but my family as well - my dad said he saw him drive by the house fairly recently and, years ago, HE TOLD ME HIMSELF that he drove by my old flat when I was in uni 'for nostalgia' while we were broken up and had spent the whole time thinking about talking to me (which he managed to do before it all went to poop again).

 

 

I understand it's not easy to get the full picture when you only have a paragraph to work with.

 

I don't obsess or think about his life choices. I don't care. Complete apathy. I just don't want him making excuses to speak to me, my husband or my family because he has before. And I'm sorry but I don't agree that not blocking means I want him to creep on me - my accounts show nothing personal. They're all locked down. If I block him when he's made no effort to contact me I believe that shows him that I still care and I don't. I'd rather just carry on like he doesn't exist.

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Well, sounds like you've got it all sorted out.

 

And you're right. We only have so much to extract from here, a limited picture, in this case a woman (you) who in a 30 day period has devoted time and energy to two different ex's while being in a marriage. Along with that snapshot, we have the lens of our own lives and life experiences. One thing I've learned, for instance? Is that it is a fool's errand, always, to try to figure out the motivations of other people or do anything that assumes another person feels, well, anything specifically. It is, in my opinion, a waste of mental and emotional energy, though it's often a nice place to spend some energy when we don't want to explore our own motivations.

 

What I notice, when you write about him, is that the narrative seems to be: this dude messed you up, and, if you're not careful, this dude might be able to "drag you back" into something messed up. That is giving him a lot of power, preserving, perhaps, a state of being that once existed in your life but no longer needs to. Eventually, I hope, you can settle on a story that you and this dude just made a mess, as people do, especially young people, in the experiment of romance. That's kind of the basis of indifference, because it leeches the whole thing of power and mystery and just makes it a chapter in your life that is in the past.

 

I'm not big on blocking, either, though I've done it with two people, an ex and someone I briefly dated and made a terrific mess with. How that sits with them, whether they think it "shows" that I still care—well, shrug emoji. I accept that those people aren't healthy influences in my life, in any way, so they stay on the outside, even if a little adolescent corridor of my brain is sometimes curious about what they're up to. As it happens, I ran into one of them on the street a few months ago. Hardly the end of the world, as even your worst case assumptions in this story are hardly the end of the world, even if your mind is itchy to spin apocalyptic tales.

 

What your posting here does show, at least to my eyes, is that you have an instinct to make this guy's life about you. Where he lives, what he does on social media—all that gets reduced to you. Perhaps there is a sense of power in thinking along those lines, in believing that the same juju that led him to drive past your house during the uni years remains potent, a quality you possess and want validated on some semi-conscious level. I don't know. Can't say it seems like the healthiest headspace to nurture, but you'll do for you what you think adds to your life.

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Christ all this because I wanted to make sure his motivation WASN'T to reach out to me.
I don't think so... Your motivation was to cause drama for yourself where none existed. However; If you did fear him reaching out to you then all you had to do is block and delete him but you won't do that because you get an ego boost or some other form of gratification keeping him present in your life. You don't see that yet, and you resist it when you get a glimpse of YOUR actual motive.

He didn't live in the same area before. He lived an hour away so yes, moving the next street to my family not only rang alarms for me but my family as well

... and just how did your family figure out he moved a street away? Did he contact one of them, did your so called mutual friends let your family know? Did you stalk his social media? Was he stupid enough to put his address on the internet for all to see? How?

 

- my dad said he saw him drive by the house fairly recently and, years ago, HE TOLD ME HIMSELF that he drove by my old flat when I was in uni 'for nostalgia' while we were broken up and had spent the whole time thinking about talking to me (which he managed to do before it all went to poop again).
So?????? If you have no intentions of having anything to do with him SHOULD he contact you (in anyway) why worry about it? Do you fear for your life?

 

 

I understand it's not easy to get the full picture when you only have a paragraph to work with.
Oh, I think we all get the "true" picture from your paragraph... you just don't get it.

 

 

I don't obsess or think about his life choices. I don't care. Complete apathy. I just don't want him making excuses to speak to me, my husband or my family because he has before. And I'm sorry but I don't agree that not blocking means I want him to creep on me
No it means you want to be able to creep on him and that should he contact you, you will get that ego boost or that drama or that attention or whatever it is that keeps you mired to him through social media. If you were apathetic, then you wouldn't care what blocking him would look like, if you were actually 'concerned' then you would just do it and not give a crap about his thoughts on it.

 

- my accounts show nothing personal. They're all locked down. If I block him when he's made no effort to contact me I believe that shows him that I still care and I don't. I'd rather just carry on like he doesn't exist.
Then just do that... no need to start a thread to validate your own choice then I guess.
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My family told me because it's hard not to bump into someone who's practically your neighbour now. They asked me if I ever gave him a set of keys for the house because they were concerned.

 

Couldn't care less about his social media. I don't know why you think I want to "creep" on him - I don't care. I saw his name come up once and apart from the original anxiety surge which caused me to write this post I've not even looked.

 

He's someone who's manipulated his way into my life in the past and I don't want a repeat that's all. My other ex who I spoke of on another thread is a seperate issue, we stopped talking ages ago.

 

But thanks, anyway. If a mod could close this thread that would be great.

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I think everyone has, Lambert. Thing is, in my day there was no social media so we did a drive by their house to see if we could suss out what they were up to. :D Oh the shame if they caught us. lol

 

I remember doing that.

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My family told me because it's hard not to bump into someone who's practically your neighbour now. They asked me if I ever gave him a set of keys for the house because they were concerned.

 

Couldn't care less about his social media. I don't know why you think I want to "creep" on him - I don't care. I saw his name come up once and apart from the original anxiety surge which caused me to write this post I've not even looked.

 

He's someone who's manipulated his way into my life in the past and I don't want a repeat that's all. My other ex who I spoke of on another thread is a seperate issue, we stopped talking ages ago.

 

But thanks, anyway. If a mod could close this thread that would be great.

 

I have not seen my neighbor, who I *like* all winter. I live on a corner and so do they, our houses are perpindicular to eachother (our backyards touch in an "L"). I usually leave one way, and they leave the other. We have different shedules. Occasionally i will see a porch light on, but i have not crossed paths. If i haven't seen my direct neighbor in months who i don't mind seeing - i can imagine you won't see your ex either who lives a little farther away. its not something to live in wait of. BTW, my guys' ex lives 2 miles down the same windy road we live on. She didn't live there while we were together, she married and i know where she lives because something about her and her husband was in the local paper about winning a decorating competition. Has he or I ever seen her? Nope. not at the grocery store, not at the local chamber of commerce events. Nowhere. And there was no way she started dating her husband thinking "oh, he lives by my ex, i better date him so i can SPY". Your ex might have met a lady and she lives there too. who knows.

 

I would just stop giving it headspace and focus on your husband.

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