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So I was dating my boyfriend for 3 months. I know it sounds like a short amount of time to feel this way, but I was absolutely crazy about him. I was very in love and very happy. He broke up with me out of nowhere, I did not see it coming at all. I really thought we were both happy and it didn't seem like anything had changed. He told me he just didn't think it was going to work and didn't even really tell me why he thought that.

 

I am so devastated and heartbroken and still very much in love with him. I'm so miserable every single day, and I just feel like I don't even know how to stop feeling this way. Does anybody have any advice on how I can just start to feel even a little happy again and not so sad and awful all the time? I just feel like I'm desperate to stop feeling like this all day every day.

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Sorry to hear this. In retrospect were there difficulties? Was there someone else like an on/off or recent ex or someone new? Don't use mini relationship highs to treat underlying issues such as depression, loneliness, etc. Get to a doctor for and evaluation and a referral to a therapist if you have had issues with this or if a brief romance throws your entire world off this much.

 

Is this the same guy?: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=562792&p=7183579&viewfull=1#post7183579

He broke up with me out of nowhere, I did not see it coming at all. I really thought we were both happy and it didn't seem like anything had changed. He told me he just didn't think it was going to work and didn't even really tell me why he thought that.

 

I'm so miserable every single day, and I just feel like I don't even know how to stop feeling this way. I just feel like I'm desperate to stop feeling like this all day every day.

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As one actress, Gwyneth Paltrow said how she got over a breakup, her answer was "Time and girlfriends." Some guys always have short term in the back of their minds, and it could be the case here. Because after 3 months, usually it's time to take it to the next level, and some guys just don't want to put in that daily effort. Other guys might have an issue with the woman, but would rather bail than the communicate the problem to fix it.

 

Just realize that fate has someone in store for you who will be just as crazy about you and will never want to leave. In the meantime, make sure you're no contact with him and block his number so you don't go back to square one if he wants to throw out breadcrumbs in the future. Pamper yourself, spend time with friends, start a new hobby. If feels like love, but after only 90 days, it was really infatuation. You should start feeling better in about 3 or 4 months, so just look forward to more fun things you can plan ahead for, for the coming summer months. Take care.

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To be honest, I think the breakups at the 3 month mark are the worst because you are still in that honeymoon phase. You've seen their best, but not their worst, so it's easy to adore and idolize them and hard to let go of that image. That said, maybe recognizing that you are totally idolizing them and they are, after all a flawed human, might help. I mean the flawed human part is the part that dumped you without explanation so that right there makes him not that great....

 

Other than that, as said above - time and good friends and filling your time with people and things you enjoy. Sometimes a bit of willpower too. Like if you find yourself dwelling on him, purposefully turn your mind onto something else. It's not easy, but every time you do it, it gets easier until you realize that you haven't thought about him in forever and now that you are thinking, you feel at peace.

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No I haven't heard from him since it happened. That's only been a week ago though.

 

That is a good thing. I suggest that you block and delete, and then you will not be hoping/waiting for contact. It will help you move on.

 

Time and no contact are the best healers.

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No I haven't heard from him since it happened. That's only been a week ago though.

 

Give yourself a break and be kind to yourself. It's only been a week. That's a very very very short time. You can't expect to be over someone instantly even if your dating was not that long. Still takes more than a week to get past it and move on.

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Yes it is the same one

 

Well, this might be worth reflecting on a bit. You say the breakup was "out of the blue," yet right off the back this guy told you that he had trust issues, that his focus in connecting with you was less about getting to know you than getting you to assure him that you would not "burn" him the same way other women had. So your relationship, in ways, was built upon a foundation of validating his pain and reluctance to be in a relationship.

 

Romance, of course, is always a risk, and I'm sorry this one didn't work out. Speaking for myself, I do find some kind of comfort in extracting lessons from these experiences, as it demystifies the other person and gives me a foothold to climb out of the void. There is absolutely nothing to feel ashamed of in giving this a go, nor in that it only went so far, but perhaps it helps you, when you're ready, to build connections with different, more sustainable materials in the future.

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  • 7 months later...

The best first stop is the doctor for a complete evaluation for depression/anxiety. Your overall and mental health is not a DYI situation. A referral for ongoing supportive therapy would help with ruminating, catastrophizing and overall feeling low.

I'm so miserable every single day, and I just feel like I don't even know how to stop feeling this way. Does anybody have any advice on how I can just start to feel even a little happy again and not so sad and awful all the time? I just feel like I'm desperate to stop feeling like this all day every day.
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