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I’m a 36 year old male in a five year relationship. A few months ago I went on a work trip and I really hit it off with a 32 year old female co-worker.

 

Ok, so she’s married to the same guy for three years (together a total of 11), but I get the feeling she really likes me? She even made a comment about her husband not wanting to go see this movie with her, and said she didn’t know what to do and might go alone..I kind of felt like she was hinting she wanted me to go.

 

She told me at one point that her husband is frustrated because he wants to have a baby, and she is uncertain right now. She then acted kind of shocked that she told me that and said she hasn’t told anyone about it before.

 

We don’t really see each other at work much, so we added each other on Social Media while at the airport and ever since then we are constantly hearting each other’s posts and talking.

 

I am by no means saying I want to end someone’s marriage, and I don’t want to hurt my gf. I love her, but we do fight quite a bit. I can’t help thinking about this person though...even if it is completely unrealistic or unlikely that we can become anything more than what we are. I don’t know what to do.

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Do you want to cheat? Do you hope to engage this woman in an extramarital affair?

 

You do know what to do, you just don't want to.

 

I suggest you tell your girlfriend what you've been up to with that other woman. If she doesn't like what you've been doing she can break up with you and you'll be free to pursue other women. However I don't recommend you continue to go after married women.

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Yes, I’ve told my gf that I have a crush on her. She just kinda laughs it off. She doesn’t think I will cheat and neither do I, but still I do really like this person and I can’t stop thinking about her. What I have been up to? We talk on FB Aand IG. Not privately though...it’s all public. Not hiding anything.

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Yes, I’ve told my gf that I have a crush on her. She just kinda laughs it off. She doesn’t think I will cheat and neither do I, but still I do really like this person and I can’t stop thinking about her. What I have been up to? We talk on FB Aand IG. Not privately though...it’s all public. Not hiding anything.

 

This:

"we added each other on Social Media while at the airport and ever since then we are constantly hearting each other’s posts and talking."

 

Thinking about her is one thing. Hoping it turns into an affair would be something else.

 

I presume you don't want a crapshow. So, think but absolutely do not act.

 

Oh, and stop with the hearts unless you want her husband confronting you.

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Yes, I’ve told my gf that I have a crush on her. She just kinda laughs it off. She doesn’t think I will cheat and neither do I, but still I do really like this person and I can’t stop thinking about her. What I have been up to? We talk on FB Aand IG. Not privately though...it’s all public. Not hiding anything.

 

It sounds like your relationship is in big trouble. For whatever reason, your gf and you have become complacent and are taking each other for granted. Imo, the married woman is another symptom of that, a red herring, so let's leave that matter out for the time being.

 

Imo, your gf's reaction shows that communication between the two of you is dysfunctional. You fight together quite a bit yet she appears to be in denial of the state of your relationship and so are you for that matter. It sounds like your relationship has gone stale and is crumbling.

 

You have been together with your gf for half a decade. Most people take the next step and either get married or break up. By now, you pretty much know how your girlfriend really is as a person and whether you can see yourself being together for the long haul. Fighting quite a bit and not seeing each other eye to eye are glaring red flags. Where do you see yourself going with your current relationship?

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You are playing with some serious fire here, OP.

 

It's only a matter of time before this gets objectively inappropriate and you wind up with several problems: A) a brokenhearted girlfriend who tells everyone what you have you been doing, because it will be worse by the time she really understands this is more than a crush, B) a married crush who more than likely isn't going to leave her husband in the end, C) an angry husband at your door to give you a black eye and busted kneecap.

 

You're avoiding how poorly your relationship is going and escaping into the fantasy of a fling with this married woman. Do the right thing and either sort out your problems with your girlfriend, or end it. Cut it off with your crush. It isn't going to develop into anything but an affair that will probably leave you with the short end of the stick because she won't have the guts to leave her marriage.

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I’m a 36 year old male in a five year relationship. A few months ago I went on a work trip and I really hit it off with a 32 year old female co-worker.

 

Ok, so she’s married to the same guy for three years (together a total of 11), but I get the feeling she really likes me? She even made a comment about her husband not wanting to go see this movie with her, and said she didn’t know what to do and might go alone..I kind of felt like she was hinting she wanted me to go.

 

She told me at one point that her husband is frustrated because he wants to have a baby, and she is uncertain right now. She then acted kind of shocked that she told me that and said she hasn’t told anyone about it before.

 

We don’t really see each other at work much, so we added each other on Social Media while at the airport and ever since then we are constantly hearting each other’s posts and talking.

 

I am by no means saying I want to end someone’s marriage, and I don’t want to hurt my gf. I love her, but we do fight quite a bit. I can’t help thinking about this person though...even if it is completely unrealistic or unlikely that we can become anything more than what we are. I don’t know what to do.

 

Famous last words, right here--this whole thing--of just about anyone who had an affair, ever.

 

This is how it goes, every time. You can juggle around the pronouns but it's all the same:

 

Her husband doesn't make her happy.

My girlfriend and I are having problems.

We know we shouldn't, and we both don't want to, but.....

.....It just happened.

 

If you read through some of the infidelity threads, just the original post, you'll see the same story. It's amazing how people trip themselves into the same trap over and over again when there are so many alternatives and resources out there.

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What are all the fights about with your gf?

 

This is the kind of conversation she would have with her mother or a girlfriend. You are interpreting it through the lens of gf-trouble and hot new coworker. So although you think this coworker is hot, she thinks of you as a male-girlfriend. Do not harass her at work or make her uncomfortable.

She even made a comment about her husband not wanting to go see this movie with her. She told me at one point that her husband is frustrated because he wants to have a baby, and she is uncertain right now.
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Don`t do it. Respect your partner, break up with her in dignity and with respect, respect another man`s wife and find a new gf. Maybe she told you about her marital issues because it`s her way of clarifying: "hey, I just need to blow some steam off before I get back with my enstranged hubbie and start a family. Do you want to be my toy?" Or as Wiseman2 said, she may think you as a good listerner and male-gf tha`s why she overshared. Or she may be an oversharer in the first place who knows. That`s all I have to say, I think it`s common sense and logic.

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Two unethical people getting together. Do they deserve each other? Perhaps. Will it blow up in their faces? 100 percent guaranteed.

 

Neither of you practice relationship boundaries. If she has marital problems, she should be speaking to her husband about that issue, and maybe confide in a girlfriend. NOT to a cute guy co-worker who she is reeling into her messy universe.

 

And you need to treat her as any other co-worker. You are attracted to her and have fantasies about her, so she's the last person in the work place you should exchange contact info with.

 

If your significant other were a fly on the wall wherever you are, and could see everything you're doing and saying to this other woman, would you still be doing it? If not, it's a clear sign you're crossing relationship boundaries.

 

And let' s say you broke up with your gf and got together with this co-worker. Are you that dumb to think she wouldn't do the same thing to you, that when the newness wore off, that she wouldn't be complaining about you to another guy and flirting with him on social media? When a person shows you what they are capable of, and how they operate, believe them the first time.

 

My advice? Either put your full focus on your gf to reignite the spark, or break up with her. Tell the co-worker you've made a mistake about exchanging contact info, and that you two need to go back to just being co-workers. And then vow to be a person with better ethics in the future. You'll have a higher risk of success in romance that way, and you won't wind up on 48 Hours Mystery as the victim in a love triangle.

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Your poor gf. You told her and she laughed... she must really trust you and the relationship. Believe me, when I say this, that is a credit to her, not you.

 

I find what you're doing despicable. The insecurity you are creating in your gf, will be a challenge for her for a long time.

 

Stop being selfish. Don't cheat and if you don't want to be a relationship with your gf, then end it. Don't make it about the other woman. Be an adult. Don't use people satisfy your own ego.

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You and everyone else runs into someone they hit it off sometime in their life...but the majority don't act on it. Usually when it happens all of a sudden the relationship they are in is bad or having trouble blah blah blah. That's them making excuses to keep the attention going...kinda like an addiction. They will do and say almost anything to feel that desire. Then you yourself start to make excuses, and use them as an escape, a fantasy, dreamland, whatever you call it. It's thrilling, gives you a high, with all the flirtation, the close to the line just barely stepping over it. It's the Dopamine talking, not reason. Everyone is right, you need to step away from this before things all around you fall apart. You are not thinking straight. Go clear your head and focus on other things that bring you joy. Before you know it you will be glad you did, and be relieved you avoided a stupid mess.

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How seriously do you take your job, and how seriously do you want to be taken on the job?

 

Using lousy social judgment can be a career killer.

 

If you want more friends, find stuff to do outside of work, and you will meet potential friends outside of work.

 

If you find your relationship with your GF unfulfilling, you don't need to create a crisis to get out of that.

 

Think carefully and behave accordingly. Never feign stupidity about your motivations.

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Be careful with coworkers and married women. Either of those situations could spell trouble. Fantasizing about someone does not solve the issues with this gf. If anything it could generate unfavorable office gossip or worse, she (or her husband) gets fed up and to cover her butt she files a sexual harassment case.

 

Is this the same GF?: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=557284&p=7094014&viewfull=1#post7094014

Yes, I’ve told my gf that I have a crush on her. She just kinda laughs it off.
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I am by no means saying I want to end someone’s marriage, and I don’t want to hurt my gf. I love her, but we do fight quite a bit. I can’t help thinking about this person though...even if it is completely unrealistic or unlikely that we can become anything more than what we are. I don’t know what to do.

 

You and your girlfriend are fighting quite a bit. The next logical step would be to either work on your current relationship or end it. You are, however, postponing this uncomfortable step by thinking of your co-worker and entertaining the slightest possibility of your co-worker being interested in you.

 

What are you guys fighting about?

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