Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Dated newly divorced guy for 6 months.He then said he didn't know what he wanted and that he wasn't ready for a relationship and although he kept contacting me didn't seem to want to keep saying so I told him to stop contacting me until he knew what he wanted and if he then wanted to see me again and I was still single we could talk about it.Now 6 months later he has texted apologising for his actions saying he had been confused.He hopes I find someone who appreciates me if I haven't already.He didn't ask to see me again but then started asking me my holiday plans and to let him know if I need his help in fixing my car (he is a mechanic).I didn't take him up on that offer yet.What is he up to?Does he just want to be friends?Surely if he wanted to meet he just would have asked?I still like this guy but don't want to put myself on the line by getting back in touch only for him to say he's not interested in me.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I would just respond politely and move on. If he's interested in something more he'll have to do more than just send a random text.

Don't do anything. You'll have your answer soon enough.

If he continues to text and he doesn't say something more concrete, then I might ask him if anything has recently changed, because you still feel the same way about not wanting to have contact if it hasn't.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've never once taken back an ex. In my mind, if I took the major step of breaking up, I thought long and hard about it and made the decision for a good reason. If he broke up with me, I know that past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior, and he'd dump me all over again once the newness wore off of the rekindling.

 

There's nothing special about an ex making contact after a certain time period. Just about every ex I've had has done so, before I had the technology to block them, which I would've done, every time, if I'd had the capability.

 

He's fishing for an ego boost and possibly a booty call without ties. If he was really a changed man, he would've said: I made a huge mistake because of xxx. If you are still single and want to give dating me another chance, I'd be really happy.

,

IMO, I'd rather risk my heart on someone new. The right person will never let you go. Not even once.

Link to post
Share on other sites

He's having a dry spell and taking a stab at a hookup.. If he were interested he wold not have ended it nor would he mention he hopes you have found someone else. What he is saying is he's playing the field, enjoying his freedom and does not want the type of relationship you want.

 

Delete and block him if you want the confusion to stop. This way you can date men who are ready willing and able to date not newly divorced and spreading their wings.

Dated newly divorced guy for 6 months. Now 6 months later he has texted apologising for his actions saying he had been confused.He hopes I find someone who appreciates me if I haven't already.
Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes,I didn't reply for days after his first message as I didn't know if I wanted to.I don't know should I accept his offer of help and see what happens or better to leave it rather than being disappointed if I find he just wants to be friendly only or hasn't changed.

Link to post
Share on other sites

If that were the case it would be crystal clear. He would ask you out and ask to reconcile. A vague casual text does not indicate seriousness. Hopefully you are dating others that want what you want. Recently divorced people have a lot to sort out and therefore it's confusing to be in their mess.

That he wants to date seriously I guess....
Link to post
Share on other sites
If that were the case it would be crystal clear. He would ask you out and ask to reconcile. A vague casual text does not indicate seriousness. Hopefully you are dating others that want what you want. Recently divorced people have a lot to sort out and therefore it's confusing to be in their mess.

 

I know logically you are right.I just don't understand why he got in touch at all then.Especially after so long and especially when I said only contact me if you want to see me.Perhaps he just felt guilty for treating me badly.I am dating others but unfortunately none have interested me as much as this guy so far.Bit yeah I know I need to move on from this or it will send me nuts.

Link to post
Share on other sites

He probably struck out with whoever he was last dating, just as he did with you. Excellent you are dating others. Keep in mind he contacted you so this is about what's going on for him not for you.

I just don't understand why he got in touch at all then.Especially after so long and especially when I said only contact me if you want to see me.Perhaps he just felt guilty for treating me badly.
Link to post
Share on other sites

Remember, he had it in him to tell you directly that he didnt want to date. You know he's capable of telling it like it is.

 

Expect no less than him to be equally direct about his intentions for contacting you now, especially after you having asked him not to.

 

Do you know for sure he's been single all this time? Is it possible he really met someone else and it didnt work out? I may be wrong but at the same time I wouldnt be surprised.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Remember, he had it in him to tell you directly that he didnt want to date. You know he's capable of telling it like it is.

 

Expect no less than him to be equally direct about his intentions for contacting you now, especially after you having asked him not to.

 

Do you know for sure he's been single all this time? Is it possible he really met someone else and it didnt work out? I may be wrong but at the same time I wouldnt be surprised.

 

He didn't actually tell me he didn't want to date me anymore-but his actions said it all.The last time we met he seemed really depressed (think it was divorce stuff but I wasn't going to be his shrink) and after that he kept contacting me but didn't arrange to meet again and when I brought up lack of plans he said he needed time so I told him to take all the time he needed and I'd continue on my way without him.I don't think he met anyone but as you say,you never know.

Link to post
Share on other sites
He probably struck out with whoever he was last dating, just as he did with you. Excellent you are dating others. Keep in mind he contacted you so this is about what's going on for him not for you.

 

 

Yes,I realize the issue is with him but from my perspective it would've been better if he'd just left it alone.Now he has me wondering-never a nice place to be!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes,I realize the issue is with him but from my perspective it would've been better if he'd just left it alone.Now he has me wondering-never a nice place to be! Exactly. He doesn't care that he has put you back to square one. A kind person doesn't do this. Block his number.

Link to post
Share on other sites

In all fairness. . he may very well have needed some time to sort things out. It doesn't make him a monster with bad intentions.

It's up to you what you are comfortable with.

If it were me, I'd go back to my original advise. Be polite. Keep it brief and if it continues without any sort of solid effort to get back on track, I'd tell him that nothing had changed since we last spoke. That constant contact with nothing to show for it isn't something I'd be interested in. Wish him well and move on.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Why did he message you? Simply put because you told him that he can. It could be because he is hoping to rekindle something or simply because he is fishing for attention or feeling lonely or feels bad about how things ended...or...or...or...anyone's guess really. If you want to know what he is after, ask him. Just straight up bluntly ask him. Save you all this anxiety about what if.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Why did he message you? Simply put because you told him that he can. It could be because he is hoping to rekindle something or simply because he is fishing for attention or feeling lonely or feels bad about how things ended...or...or...or...anyone's guess really. If you want to know what he is after, ask him. Just straight up bluntly ask him. Save you all this anxiety about what if.

 

Yes,I only meant him to message me again if he wanted to see me!Surely he would have understood that!

Link to post
Share on other sites

I haven't replied to his last text a couple days ago and he hasn't texted again.He told me to let him know if I want his help with my car as he's available to help so I guess I'll just take him up on his offer and ask him in person.I hate this sort of thing over text.Thanks for the input.It's such a minor issue but driving me insane and it's good to sound off!

Link to post
Share on other sites

For your own sanity, think about it like this: If he texted you, called you, or showed up at your door clearly expressing regrets, growth, and a clear desire to get back together with cinematic panache you would likely feel exactly the way you do right now.

 

So, all in all, it's up to you to decide if a dose of "insanity" is worth it to see what's what. Key about the "what's what" part? It's remembering that the clearest gauge in all this is right there inside you, your gut and spirit, not something he will say or do while replacing the timing belt or whatever's up with the car.

Link to post
Share on other sites

How did you meet? Did he take car of our care while you were dating? Did he charge you for that or was it a favor?

He told me to let him know if I want his help with my car as he's available to help so I guess I'll just take him up on his offer and ask him in person
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...