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What is this guy trying to do or doing?


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Hi, Female 25.

I just started working a new job and training with my supervisor(he's 26). He helped me with everything and was pretty nice about everything. A week later, he started playing with my hair, putting hands around my waist to get around me, checking me out when I walk away, interlocked pinkies once and helped me out the minute I asked.

We also used to text pretty much everyday, and they were pretty good conversations.

 

So we went out for drinks one night after work. I blasted music in his car and he started tapping his fingers on my thigh to the beat of the music. When we got there, we had 1 drink at the table and talked, and then the second one, we went to sit at the pier and talked there. He payed for my drinks. Anyways we ended up talking on the pier till the restaurant closed and we got locked out. We eventually got out and he drove me home. After that, he went on vacation for 5 days, but did hug me and tell me to take care of the hotel before going on his trip.

 

When he came back, I ended up working with him. My manager wanted to speak to him and they ended up talking in the back for like a good 30 minutes. When he came back, he became distant, rude, and mean.

Then at the company holiday party, he was dancing near me the whole time, but I was just having fun and didn't even notice until later from a video that my coworker took. Also on New Years, he came into work as I was ending my shift and my friend was parked next to my car waiting for me to go out and celebrate the New Year with her, when she saw him park his car behind me and was looking at my car and inside my car. I still have no idea why.

So he's just been really rude, mean and distant. Anytime I ask for help, he says "you should know this by now" and makes me feel incompetent and bad at my job. He helps all my coworkers easily, willing to help everyone. But when it comes to me, he's just a huge jerk at work.

A couple of days ago, I got fed up and asked him to meet me after work. Pretty much the moment he came to meet me, told me he had a girlfriend and that she was expecting a call from him. I asked why he was being this way, he told me it was his way of ''teaching'' me to be good at my job. We hugged and I went home.

The next day, he came in as I was leaving and didn't even acknowledge me at all. The day after, I had to ask for his help with something, and he again was reluctant to help and barely did help.

 

So the point of this is,

What happened from us being friendly and nice to each other to him turning into a complete ? Is there anyway I can make him stop being this way? Can we go back to being friendly?

Please help!!!

 

PLEASE BE NICE, IM ALREADY CONFUSSED

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Sorry about this.

 

Best I can see, he has never been "friendly" with you so much as "inappropriate" in a two extremes. Playing with your hair, putting his hands around your waist: that is not how any man should treat any woman in a professional environment—or, well, any environment unless it's consensual, romantic. Totally out of line.

 

Did your manager give him a talking to about that? Perhaps. Wouldn't be surprised. And in response, instead of being a grownup, he showed displayed another form of inappropriateness: turning into a petulant child and punishing you for his behavior. Granted, I wasn't in the room with him and the manager, so I'm guessing a bit. But regardless: also out of line, big time.

 

Is there a way for you to ask for a different supervisor? I'm very sorry you've had this experience at a new job.

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I think the Manager told him to stop flirting with you. Its a place of business, not a pick up joint.

Also seeing as he has a gf it was highly inappropriate to do the things he was doing.

 

He isnt going to change his attitude, so you will either have to put up with it or find another job.

 

In the future, dont let random guys play with your hair, touch you, hug you, text you all day while at work. It is very unprofessional & you can see the damage it can cause.

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I agree with Bluecastle; the way he was behaving towards you was inappropriate rather than friendly. Not only is it unprofessional, but it could also get both this guy AND his boss into a lot of trouble.

 

My guess is that the manager told him off about his behaviour, which is a wise thing to do because if he had been complicit in it, i.e. had noticed it but not done anything about it, he could be liable if you were to bring a case of sexual harassment.

 

The way this guy's handling it is petty and immature; rather than behaving appropriately, he's now being petulant and sulky. Sadly, there's nothing you can do to stop him behaving like a complete **** because, frankly, that's what he IS.

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So basically,

you guys are all saying he's being a piece of because the managers said something to him?

 

Not exactly. More like the manager said something to him because he was acting like a POS, and, because he is one, he has continued to behave like one.

 

Nowhere in your description of him have you portrayed a man who has ever acted in an appropriate manner around you.

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He is very disrespectful towards you, have you spoken to HR or your manager about his behaviour. That's the first step.

Tell him strongly to behave professionally at work place, maybe you are not the first person for him so this can be reported.

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He took advantage. That's not something you as a woman should feel flattered over. He basically treated you like a twit and thought that you were too dumb to know better.

 

I doubt he had any real intentions. Just having fun until his boss told him to smarten up and start behaving like a decent man.

 

Don't let men at your place of work treat you this way, it's a type of sexual harassment and you as a woman should know better.

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He probably has had other women complain about him and then the manager saw he was doing it to you.

 

He's being a jerk probably because he's mad you never hooked up. He was faking being this great guy because he wanted to hook up.

 

But here's thing with this kinda guy...

 

He'd probably be this way if you did hook up with him....

 

He's a loser. And get away from him as soon as you can. Better safe than sorry, b4 anything mote happens.... move on from this guy asap!

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I'd be careful not to mistake/confuse his behaviour as a sign of attraction. Either way, I agree with Sherry, you need to stop him in his tracks at the first sign of his juvenile antics.

 

Keep in mind that we teach people how to treat us. In short to put it mildly, he's a jack***

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So if your boss was an 80 year old man who played with your hair, wouldn't you have told him not to touch you--that he needed to respect your personal space? Just because your supervisor is only a year older than you, and you obviously think he's cute, doesn't mean that you should allow any man to touch you just because he wants to.

 

There is a reason for fraternization rules. How can a supervisor avoid favoritism and also be able to discipline an employee when he's touched her flirtatiously and gone out drinking with her, one-on-one? You also don't want to mix business with pleasure because your job could be on the line if he decides to take revenge when things don't go as he planned. Or if the other co-workers see the inappropriate behavior and see favoritism, which is what might have happened, and they reported him to upper management.

 

Take this as a lesson learned. Just because somebody else acts inappropriately, doesn't mean you should go along for the ride and get caught in the crossfire. If there are other hotels you can easily work at, start applying since his attitude bothers you, or let this blow over, but stop hugging him. He's not your boyfriend or a close friend.

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I just want all of us to be professional and somewhat friendly. We all work together basically everyday. And he basically singles me out and just ignores me and doesnt even acknowledge me.

So it also kinda show to other coworkers that something happened with us. Just feel stupid at this point.

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So he's just been really rude, mean and distant. Anytime I ask for help, he says "you should know this by now" and makes me feel incompetent and bad at my job. He helps all my coworkers easily, willing to help everyone. But when it comes to me, he's just a huge jerk at work.

Because of this...'My manager wanted to speak to him and they ended up talking in the back for like a good 30 minutes. When he came back, he became distant, rude, and mean.

 

= Sounds like he has respectively backed off now- has to keep his distance & only re work with you now.

I say respect how it is.. and never get involved with a co worker.. you are there for prof purposes.. not personal.

Distance because t is probably a bit awkward for him.

Like I said.. respectfully give him distance as well and just move along.. focus on your job.

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So basically,

you guys are all saying he's being a piece of because the managers said something to him?

 

He's behaving like that because he's a petulant little boy.

 

A more mature individual would not have been inappropriate with you in the first place but, if this was pointed out to him, would respond by behaving in a manner which was polite and professional towards you.

 

As it is, he started off by flirting with you and seeing you outside work. Not cool if he has a girlfriend.

 

Then, after the manager's spoken to him, he's angry and takes it out on you. This isn't about you, or the manager - it's about him needing to do a bit of growing up.

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He's probably always been a jerk and you just didn't know him well enough to really see it until the boss told him to knock it off. As someone else mentioned, this might also not be his first warning to stay away from female coworkers.

 

The fact that he's now saying he has a girlfriend is also a very clear sign to stop all personal communication that isn't work-related.

 

Forget about him. Keep interactions civil and professional, or you might find he turns the tables and complains about you to management.

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Excellent. The manager most likely told him to stop chasing skirts and harassing you or he's toast. Good call on the part of the manager. It can cost the company a lot of money in attorney fees etc when an ass like this harasses women at work, so he's lucky he got off with a warning.

 

If this bozo touches you again go to the manger and file a sexual harassment case. Never get sexual/cozy with men at work like this. Date outside of work and go to work in order to work.

 

Act professional and don't be flirty like this. Remember sexual harassment can go both ways and he could turn it around on you if push comes to shove. Get your resume tuned up and start looking for a new job.

I just started working a new job and training with my supervisor(he's 26).A week later, he started playing with my hair, putting hands around my waist to get around me

 

My manager wanted to speak to him and they ended up talking in the back for like a good 30 minutes. When he came back, he became distant, rude, and mean.

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Dear ConfusedF25,

 

De-confuse yourself. This guy was attracted to you and showed it in a very creepy and disrespectful manner. Like everybody else said, he (propably) has done it multiple times and his manager was like : get your sh*t together or you get the boot. He then became angry at you because he is a toxic person and maybe because he thinks you told the manager and that`s why he got in trouble.

 

I think he tries to get you to quit your job out of revenge. At first he tried to make you feel bad by being mean to you - that didn`t work. Then he ignored you - that didn`t work. Now he tries to bully you be spreading rumors about you "But my coworkers ask me about him and keep asking me. They didnt before. But one of them keeps asking and asking.". I would suggest you have a chat with the manager about him (not the part of you 2 going out of course) and ask to keep the conversation private. You will see he/she will take action so you can breath and do your job like you should.

 

P.S. The guy is a full blown piece of a jerk.

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