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I wrote a previous post will give a quick summary. Dated this girl for three months. We’d decided to be exclusive. On the last month I was dating her some bad/dramatic things happened in her life. She became depressed and kept blowing me off, so I only saw her once in the month. At the end of it she dumped me and said let’s just be friends. I rejected the friendship. And told her to take her space. Then unfriended her on Facebook. But creeped her page and she’d instantly gone into a relationship with another guy. They dated for two weeks. Then she dumped him and came back to me apologizing. I thought that I could have a fwb relationship with her. But we started talking all the time, going out on dates, cuddling, etc. So it started feeling like a relationship. She updated her Facebook profile pic and she was looking good, and I noticed that the dude that she’d previously dumped me for had liked it with a heart emoji. I looked as some other of her posts and noticed that he was liking everything that she posted. This kinda sent me off the rails and I just called her out on everything that she’d done. She turned it around on me and said that if I had a problem with any of this I should’ve brought it up when we first started dating. So I told her that I have an issue with this guy still being in her orbit. She said that if I have an issue with it, it’s a me problem. At which point in time I told her that I’m done and blocked her on all channels. She messaged me on her friends phone telling me that I’m a moron. And I blocked her friends number too. Then I was talking to a mutual friend and she was telling me about how heart broken she is etc and that I should talk to her. So I spoke with her and she was just like “I’ll be fine”. So I was like okay then have a goodnight.

 

Anyway. I know there’s a whole bunch of drama here. And I just want to vent a bit about it. The way she turned things around on me made me second guess myself for my decision to dump her. She acts like she did nothing wrong and that I’m a crazy idiot for even bringing any of this up.

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Yeah, who needs these childish games, right? Sounds like kindergarten crap. Good call to delete and block her and all her people from all messaging apps and social media. Why not leave her blocked? This way you can find someone who won't jerk you around like this.

She said that if I have an issue with it, it’s a me problem. At which point in time I told her that I’m done and blocked her on all channels. She messaged me on her friends phone telling me that I’m a moron. And I blocked her friends number too.
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Yeah, who needs these childish games, right? Sounds like kindergarten crap. Good call to delete and block her and all her people from all messaging apps and social media. Why not leave her blocked? This way you can find someone who won't jerk you around like this.

 

I mean I was for sure a huge a$$hole in the fight and breaking up with her. But I just can’t believe that she’d think I was out of line for calling her out and having an issue with the guy she’d previously dumped me for posting all over her Facebook. Zero accountability.

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Never waste your time and energy on people who don't know how to treat you with respect, consideration, empathy and all common sense virtues.

 

Turning things around on you is so typical as is gaslighting and all sorts of selfish manipulation tricks. I've seen and heard it all in my lifetime. :upset: Create healthy borders and boundaries for yourself. This is what I do in order to save my sanity and protect myself. Live and learn, Rawksteddy.

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I mean I was for sure a huge a$$hole in the fight and breaking up with her. But I just can’t believe that she’d think I was out of line for calling her out and having an issue with the guy she’d previously dumped me for posting all over her Facebook. Zero accountability.

 

That's how you know you made the right choice breaking up with her.

 

She was likely going to bounce again anyway as soon as she and the other guys patched things up. You are well rid of her.

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Never waste your time and energy on people who don't know how to treat you with respect, consideration, empathy and all common sense virtues.

 

Turning things around on you is so typical as is gaslighting and all sorts of selfish manipulation tricks. I've seen and heard it all in my lifetime. :upset: Create healthy borders and boundaries for yourself. This is what I do in order to save my sanity and protect myself. Live and learn, Rawksteddy.

 

Thank you for your pleasant response. I had been contemplating smoothing things over with her. And I started writing a text. But I had to keep deleting it. Because she won’t take any responsibility for her actions and if she perceives a slight or criticism then she’ll get defensive and respond with something rude. Therefore there can be no compromise, no growth, and no understanding. If I wanted to smooth things over with her I’d have to take responsibility not only for my own wrong doings but for hers as well lol. Makes no sense to me. Probably best just to let things go at this point.

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If you go back on what you said she'll know you're a doormat who will take anything she dishes out and come back begging for more. So she'll have a free ticket to manipulate you.

 

She isn't a unicorn who farts rainbows. There are other, more mature women out there.

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Why would you even consider talking to her ever again or going back to this drama? What's attracting you here?

 

As for the "mutual friend" - these people do not exist. Either they are your friends or her friends. People who play both sides are friends to neither of you, they are flying monkeys who love to stir up the pot by telling tall tales to both of you to see what happens. Worked too since she got you all worked up and actually reaching out to your cheating lying ex.

 

Btw, blame shifting and gaslighting are classic cheater go to's when you question their behavior. You see, them acting shady isn't the problem, it's your response to them acting shady that's the problem...or another favorite is you drove them to act shady.... Step away from the mindfck and stay away and kick the "mutual friends" to the curb too. Be kind to your own sanity.

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It's best not to try to fix or change anyone. Everyone has their side of the story. Start now realizing that right/wrong wars are complete nonsense and never go anywhere but down. It just devolves into name calling and flinging nonsense at each other.

 

If someone is not the one for you, have the self confidence to just leave. Name calling and fixing, changing, playing games etc is ego-driven silliness. She is not going to "see the light" because you send her one nasty, jealous text after the next.

 

How old is she? This sounds like high school nonsense. You can not tell people how to use social media or who to be friends with or talk to. If someone does stuff you dislike you make a clean break. Leave her alone.

I started writing a text. Because she won’t take any responsibility for her actions and if she perceives a slight or criticism then she’ll get defensive and respond with something rude. Therefore there can be no compromise, no growth, and no understanding.
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Thank you for your pleasant response. I had been contemplating smoothing things over with her. And I started writing a text. But I had to keep deleting it. Because she won’t take any responsibility for her actions and if she perceives a slight or criticism then she’ll get defensive and respond with something rude. Therefore there can be no compromise, no growth, and no understanding. If I wanted to smooth things over with her I’d have to take responsibility not only for my own wrong doings but for hers as well lol. Makes no sense to me. Probably best just to let things go at this point.

 

You're very welcome, Rawksteddy. You can't smooth things over with people who lack emotional intelligence (EQ). It will never happen in a million years. Google the words: "Emotional Intelligence." Educate yourself in the realm of human psychology.

 

Whenever people gaslight or deflect, you'll argue in maddening, endless circles. It's nothing I hadn't experienced before. These types of people are lost causes and it's like banging your head against a wall. You will get absolutely nowhere with them which is their sole purpose! You'll defend yourself ad nauseum, they'll accuse you of being psycho and defeat you. They are masters at manipulation. Then you'll end up either groveling or exiting the toxic, dysfunctional relationship. Whenever people are senseless, unreasonable and defy all logic, you're the one who has to leave otherwise you'll drive yourself insane. It's as if you're dealing with mentally sick individuals for which there is no cure.

 

There are only two types of people in this world: Those who possess EQ and those who will forever lack EQ and make your life a living nightmare. :upset: Learn how to enforce healthy boundaries especially with unacceptable characters should you cross paths with them. With others, you need to permanently get rid of them in order to give yourself the right to live in peace, calm and safety.

 

I've done this with various people such as acquaintances, friends, relatives and in-laws. I've never been happier nor felt more settled and at peace. It "only" took me decades to finally know better! :D I had to learn the hard way.

 

The moral of my story is this: You can't change people. "A leopard cannot change its spots." They are who they are. All you can do is have healthy control of your own life regarding whom you allow to have the privilege of associating with you. You make the rules and you determine who qualifies and deserves to be in your life or not. Don't get frustrated anymore. Think clearly and you will feel, steadfast, unwavering and secure with your sound decisions.

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These are your words: "she’d instantly gone into a relationship with another guy. They dated for two weeks. Then she dumped him and came back to me apologizing."

 

Are you serious, dude? Why don't you re-read what you wrote. Why on earth would you want to date her again? She sounds very disrespectful, inconsiderate and plain rude. Don't be a doormat. You would definitely be an idiot if you go back to this woman who does not belong in any relationship until she grows up and stops acting like a teenager. You don't need that drama. You need to find your self-respect and move on.

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You're very welcome, Rawksteddy. You can't smooth things over with people who lack emotional intelligence (EQ). It will never happen in a million years. Google the words: "Emotional Intelligence." Educate yourself in the realm of human psychology.

 

Whenever people gaslight or deflect, you'll argue in maddening, endless circles. It's nothing I hadn't experienced before. These types of people are lost causes and it's like banging your head against a wall. You will get absolutely nowhere with them which is their sole purpose! You'll defend yourself ad nauseum, they'll accuse you of being psycho and defeat you. They are masters at manipulation. Then you'll end up either groveling or exiting the toxic, dysfunctional relationship. Whenever people are senseless, unreasonable and defy all logic, you're the one who has to leave otherwise you'll drive yourself insane. It's as if you're dealing with mentally sick individuals for which there is no cure.

 

There are only two types of people in this world: Those who possess EQ and those who will forever lack EQ and make your life a living nightmare. :upset: Learn how to enforce healthy boundaries especially with unacceptable characters should you cross paths with them. With others, you need to permanently get rid of them in order to give yourself the right to live in peace, calm and safety.

 

I've done this with various people such as acquaintances, friends, relatives and in-laws. I've never been happier nor felt more settled and at peace. It "only" took me decades to finally know better! :D I had to learn the hard way.

 

The moral of my story is this: You can't change people. "A leopard cannot change its spots." They are who they are. All you can do is have healthy control of your own life regarding whom you allow to have the privilege of associating with you. You make the rules and you determine who qualifies and deserves to be in your life or not. Don't get frustrated anymore. Think clearly and you will feel, steadfast, unwavering and secure with your sound decisions.

 

Omg your so right!!! Having healthy control of my life and thinking clearing and having sound decisions , are all things i really need to work on!!

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I said it in a previous thread you had. All these emotions good and bad, all these confusing thoughts that drive you crazy is because you want them and you asked for them.

Last month you were at a fork in the road. One road had her in your life and all the baggage that came with it, the other road removes her from your life and all the drama that comes with it. You decided you wanted her in your life.. That means all feelings, sadness, anger, depression, confusion, drama, is because this is what you wanted.

This has nothing to do with her not accepting blame, nothing to do with her not taking responsibility for her own actions, this is about you wanting what you can not have and wanting to control what you can not control. The cycle will continue until you get off the ride. Its that simple.

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I said it in a previous thread you had. All these emotions good and bad, all these confusing thoughts that drive you crazy is because you want them and you asked for them.

Last month you were at a fork in the road. One road had her in your life and all the baggage that came with it, the other road removes her from your life and all the drama that comes with it. You decided you wanted her in your life.. That means all feelings, sadness, anger, depression, confusion, drama, is because this is what you wanted.

This has nothing to do with her not accepting blame, nothing to do with her not taking responsibility for her own actions, this is about you wanting what you can not have and wanting to control what you can not control. The cycle will continue until you get off the ride. Its that simple.

 

Welp. Pretty much hit the end of the line for me. I think that relationships are supposed to benefit both people involved. This one has made me feel drained and anxious. I can’t change anyone else and refuse to try (not to be confused with being supportive). I think I’ve learned from the situation. But now it’s time to move on because unless I’m in a healthy relationship, it’s better to just be single.

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These are your words: "she’d instantly gone into a relationship with another guy. They dated for two weeks. Then she dumped him and came back to me apologizing."

 

Are you serious, dude? Why don't you re-read what you wrote. Why on earth would you want to date her again? She sounds very disrespectful, inconsiderate and plain rude. Don't be a doormat. You would definitely be an idiot if you go back to this woman who does not belong in any relationship until she grows up and stops acting like a teenager. You don't need that drama. You need to find your self-respect and move on.

Because she was probably hot af. Sometimes that's hard to let go of.

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Welp you kinda of said that last time. At this point its not what you say, its what you do. You don't have to convince me or anyone here that its over. You have to tell yourself that. So the question still has to be asked.. Do you still want her in your life?

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  • 2 weeks later...
Welp you kinda of said that last time. At this point its not what you say, its what you do. You don't have to convince me or anyone here that its over. You have to tell yourself that. So the question still has to be asked.. Do you still want her in your life?

 

I mean she is hot af. Previous guy said it. But she texts constantly which is a major distraction. And flakes on dates. I end up feeling like shyt. Drinking way more. And feeling a lot of anxiety. So it’s better to keep her squarely in the no contact zone I believe.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Based on the way I’ve acted throughout this whole thing has made me come to question if I have some issues with codependency. I mean it seems that I have. Why did I let someone treat me so poorly and always let her back for more. I pretty much had invited her back. Sitting here wanting a person in my life that leaves me feeling drained and anxious. This makes absolutely no logical sense. My life literally had become less enjoyable while I was dating her. And she rebounded back to the dude that she’d originally dumped me for. So now my primary focus has to be moving on. Dealing with my issues that led me to put up with it. And working on having more healthy relationships. Seriously. I started acting manipulative and screwing her around too. And that’s just not right. Goes nowhere positive. All I can say is that I’ve learned a bit. But seems like I have a lot of work to do on myself.

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But seems like I have a lot of work to do on myself.

 

Can only speak for myself, but just about everything that has ever happened it my life to trigger a thought like this—and the work—has been a thing I look back on with fondness. And, believe me, I'm talking about some real dumpster fires. Still, fertilizer is fertilizer, and growth is growth. If you can look inside right now to grow a few millimeters, you'll thank yourself later. Sooner than you think.

 

She was hot af, as you said above, and you got yoked around a bit. Happens. All in all, I think the reason this happens if because of something pretty awesome in people: we are, all of us, yearning for depth. Hot, too, of course, but we want more. You want more, and, for a hot moment, she seemed like a portal to it. Then reality set it, and it spun you out. You're in good company.

 

Odds are you would not have "put up" with a lot of this if it weren't for the "hot af" part. So, yeah, dig deep, reflect, do the work. But also cut yourself some slack. Could be that the lesson is as simple as wanting "hot" and "kind" to go hand in hand, which comes in spades. You just drew a joker in this round.

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There is a type of woman who parley in the value of their pooty-tang with men who see only that but think it is more.

 

Some day she will have a devaluation in that regard.

 

As for you, move on, find a different kind of woman who brings values more than that to your life.

 

Not all woman play these games, look for one who does not.

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